• toast@retrolemmy.com
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    2 hours ago

    His body has automatically gone into draft deferment mode. In the coming weeks, we may see all manner of manifestations.

    • Zombiepirate@lemmy.worldOP
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      1 hour ago

      It would be so funny if he was doing one of his bullshit press conferences where he gets pathetic sycophants to bow and scrape before the king, when they gradually realize that he’s been sitting there dead for about ten minutes while they pretended like nothing was wrong for fear of making him look weak.

        • FaceDeer@fedia.io
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          37 minutes ago

          “Death of Stalin” vibes, where Stalin lay dying on the floor in his room for hours because nobody wanted to risk disturbing him.

      • vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works
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        24 minutes ago

        I’d say they probably have him hooked up to some type of monitor but I don’t think they do. He would throw the biggest hissy fit since he would see it as a slight against him.

    • Arghblarg@lemmy.ca
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      1 hour ago

      By the way, look at that horribly mangled, blown-off and then reconstructed ear following the assassination attempt. Why, that bandage he wore for a few days must’ve been truly miraculous. Amazing /s

      • dhork@lemmy.world
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        1 hour ago

        Must be that bullshit-resistant strain, to have been able to grow so close to his talking hole

        • Kowowow@lemmy.ca
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          35 minutes ago

          Man if some kind of outbreak happens because they can’t let him die it would fit his legacy

    • givesomefucks@lemmy.world
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      2 hours ago

      Looks like they graduated from hand IVs to neck…

      Which would be horrible news for virtually any patient, but in this case I feel most wouldn’t have the same reaction

      • hddsx@lemmy.ca
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        2 hours ago

        Why are neck IVs worse than hand IVs? Does that implied a ruptured vein in your arm? I have never heard of anyone getting a neck IV but I’m also not in the medical field

        • CaptDust@sh.itjust.works
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          1 hour ago

          Not in the medical field, but I think you got it right. I saw similar with my grandma, the nurses started injections with less visible areas - arms, legs, later moved to feet and finally hands as her veins collapsed. She didn’t make it to the neck, but I have to think it’s a sign they are running out of places to poke

  • tidderuuf@lemmy.world
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    2 hours ago

    He’s a vampire! The conspiracy theory communities should be going nuts!

    And right after suggesting Ted Cruz would be next on Supreme Court?

    Coincidence? I think not!

        • Zombiepirate@lemmy.worldOP
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          30 minutes ago
          1. Suck up to Donald Trump

          That’s it. That’s the list. I guess hypothetically he’d need to be confirmed by the Senate, but what are they gonna do? Not rubber-stamp an appointment?

  • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world
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    1 hour ago

    If it’s an hour that ends in “o’clock” it’s time to speculate on the President’s health.

    I hear he’s got terminal cooties, pass it on.

  • DandomRude@piefed.social
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    2 hours ago

    This is likely a physical defense reaction against the prosecution of serious criminals who are waging a war to cover up their own misdeeds. Perhaps he should seek advice from Bibi.