Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords as a basis for a system of government.
Strange woman here, anyone knows where I can buy swords in bulk, preferably with a pond thrown in? It’s for… a personal project.
Are we to believe that famous actress Margot Robbie doesn’t have some sort of connection for bulk medieval weaponry?
I am shocked and dismayed.
Have you tried your local Swords 'R Us? I hear there’s a July 4 blowout sale this week. Use promo code Pond50 for half of your pond!
something something ‘watery tart’ something.
You know how to kill any party? Start quoting Monty Python.
He’s being oppressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system!
Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science?
You sound like a moistened bint to me. Care to decree some governmental officials while you’re here?
What has Monty Python ever done for us?
The woman = Amy Coney Barrett
The pond = DC swamp
The sword = Official acts
Guillotines.
That wasn’t really a thing in medieval times. I’m afraid an axe will have to do.
Trebuchet?
Of course! It’s the superior siege engine.
Imagine using this for execution
Especially when you could hold a vote, letting the people decide the method. One option: yeet the person from the trebuchet. The second: yeet something at them from a trebuchet!
Bring outchyo
deadvote!!Yeet a person at this person from a trebuchet!
First used in ancient China around IV century BC.
We can get tripantium though, advanced evolution of it invented in XIII century France.
It was an instrument used by the burghers in bringing about the end of European feudal lordship, replacing the feudal mode of production with the capitalist one.
It’s okay, we’re getting rid of history lessons too!
This might fit in mediaeval times, with the earliest possible recorded use in the 13th century, but it’s certainly not well-known until the early modern period and most famous right on the border between early and late modern.
And the billionaires will be the first to try it out!
Sic semper tyrranis
It goes Yah
y’all qaeda had those on Jan6. They can have 'em.
Samurai sword. But, probably they all have those as well.
Having most of the year off for festivals and holy days
Good news: take up subsistence farming, no healthcare, no electricity, and make everything yourself, and you too can have half the year “off”.
Don’t threaten me with a good time
I mean the reality was that the time “off” was spent farming their own land, taking care of animals, fixing the house and doing the insane number of household tasks that come with premodern living. Spend a few days just cooking in a medieval style, and you’ll quickly realize it’s a LOT of work.
Meh,
- They had horrible healthcare they couldn’t afford and WE have horrible healthcare we can’t afford
- They spent a lot of time at festivals and with their communities helping each other and WE spend a lot of time chatting on our phones, but mostly playing games.
- They spent a lot of time outdoors doing a lot of work but keeping active, and we can sometimes go for hikes or walks, but we’re Americans, we as a whole, don’t.
- They knew how an could fix things around the farm, we can watch youtube videos unless it’s electronic or DRM.
- They had witch hunts and misinformation and WE have witch hunts and misinformation.
- All of the food they grew was organic but they had to grow it themselves and we have to pay an arm and a leg for non-poisoned food.
- They spent all day working for the king and we spend all day working for billionaires.
- They have poor starving people during famines, we have a too big percentage of poor starving people (13% of US population was food insecure during 2023).
- They had xenophobia and WE have xenophobia.
All of the food they grew was organic
Without someone inspecting the water and the soil, how safe was it? ♪♫ Hello typhoid my old friend… ♫♪
Except for that, yeah. We still have listeria outbreaks, etc. that kill people. It’s not like we’ve moved on from that, and that’s with all of the poisoned food to make it “safer.”
When you delve into the details of what those bullet points actually entailed, they were all far far worse in medieval times.
Medieval cooking sounds a little bit fun. Besides, maybe, all the slaughtering of animals and heavy use of entrails.
And gathering your own firewood, and water, and making twice as much to prepare for winter, and the strongly reduced options.
I mean yeah, it IS fun for a bit, I do medieval reenactment, obviously I enjoy it. But doing it every day absolutely sucks.
take up subsistence farming
Where?
Plenty of places you can do this. Put “homesteading” into a search engine of your choice and you’ll get more information on the topic than you can handle.
You’ll also pretty quickly realize its a very hard, tedious life and we have it pretty good in many ways in the modern world.
Gotta buy land first. Like 10 acers if you want to grow most of your own food.
Japan sells rural land for cheap
Getting the visa is another story though.
Is Alaska still giving away free land?
No, but it’s like a dollar per square meter if you’re remote enough…
So you think in order for people to not work their lives away we would have to take up subsistence farming? With all the tech and machines we have the only viable way to not be a company man is to give away all of the luxuries we currently have?
How’s that Kool aid tasting?
That’s not remotely close to what I think the world SHOULD BE like.
It is, unfortunately, what I think the world IS like.
I’m also pointing out that if you want that aspect of the middle ages, you can have it right now by also taking all the crappy aspects of the middle ages…
Depending on the state and one’s farming capabilities, some people could already be halfway there! At least part of the year
Our leaders fighting in the wars they start.
You wanted it… go fucking get it cowards.
Imagine a king fighting his own battle, wouldn’t that be a sight…
On Sep 7, 1944, a group of American pilots was tasked with bombing a radio tower at Chichijima Island in the Pacific theater. The Japanese resistance was strong, and many American planes were shot down. Eight pilots managed to parachute to the ground safely but were caught by the Japanese.
The Japanese military tortured them and then brutally executed them, in at least one case forcing the prisoner to dig his own grave before killing him. After the prisoners were executed, the Japanese cannibalized them, not due to lack of rations but to show “fighting spirit”.
A ninth pilot parachuted away that day. The Japanese sent small boats out to try to capture him, but American airplanes arrived to force the Japanese boats back. The pilot was swimming in the open ocean far from any nearby ships when an American submarine suddenly breached the water in front of him and rescued him.
That pilot then went on to become the 41st President of the United States.
they should also sport appropriate codpieces to match their raging egos
Hell yeah! Modern leaders are fucking cowards. Don’t start a war if you’re not going to fight in it yourself!
Hey tbf at least here in the States these guys are reaching their 80s…
My non-joke answer is apprenticeship. Kids could actually learn how to do a valuable job rather than graduating from high school with almost no useful skills.
TIL that the US doesn’t have apprenticeships. We have them over here in Australia, for the usual trades. But we also regulate a lot of those things - we’re not allowed to handle our own electrical work if we’re not trade qualified.
How does it work in the US, if a kid wants to become, say, a plumber?
We do have apprenticeships! For ex: https://www.apprenticeship.gov/apprenticeship-occupations/listings?occupationCode=51-4121.00
I had no idea this existed. Thanks for the share!
Thats not medieval, thats everywhere exept the US of A.
Where I live, apprenticeships are officially regulated and for many proffessions you are not allowed to open a business without proper qualification.
The US has apprenticeships as well. Not sure why this person doesn’t think they do …
Trump had an Apprentice
What kind of generalisation are you trying to point out?
They’re referring to the TV Show, The Apprentice, which D Trump was on.
Don’t those already exist in union shops nowadays?
Often, yes, there just aren’t enough union shops anymore.
Wait, you don’t it in the US ? Kids who aren’t comfortable in school start learning a trade at 14, so by the time they’re 18 they have some skills.
I get that it’s a pitty that non everyone reads philosopher or learn about history and science, but on the other hands, some kids are really uncomortable at school, so having them working one week, and going to school one week is an alternative which pulls some student out of the failure cycle
Education in general is quite shit in the US. Apprenticeships, contracts and unions are all things most Americans never experience.
Royal beheadings
As somebody who lives in a kingdom, yes! Fucking parasites!
Thailand? Or the UK?
Netherlands. Thailand and Morocco are even worse I guess. There, you’ll get punished harshly for beinig openly anti-monarchy. I feel sorry for those countries.
The Dutch monarchy isn’t too harsh on lèse-majestè, though I did shift from monarchist to republican almost overnight when our king said that “if you as a civil servant don’t like the far-right party PVV ruling, then you should be free to look for work elsewhere.”
Well gee it’s not that easy for everyone to get accepted in work if you get discriminated, and gee, you need money due to this stupid capitalist system. While all the king does is look pretty and pay less tax… any person in the top 10% of their economy should pay way more.
Thailand’s King is something else. Here’s a photo of him being picked up for his coronation.
I don’t know much about the Netherland’s laws other then you can loose or get your driver’s license restricted if you’re diagnosed with Autism
This is untrue, you can drive if you have autism. However, formally you’d have to undergo an extra “examination” which in practice is a 5 minute talk that’ll cost €300, oh and, you have to pay it yourself.
Even driving instructors tell you it’s bullshit and won’t bat an eye for not doing that.
If you get found out of not having done this examination, and an accident occurs, however, then the police may be an ass. Which is bullshit as there’s your medical diagnosis, and autism should by itself not have consequences for driving ability. Dementia however…
Well, I know of at least one person who’s choosing not to get diagnosed as a direct result of that policy.
Guillotines obviously.
guillotines are renaissance era.
Giant shirtless executioners then, I guess.
I’ll take the entrails of a priest.
See, that kind of back talk puts you first in line for the period-inaccurate execution.
Coinciding (by happenstance no doubt) with the fall of monarchies.
Does it matter if they are meant specifically for the ruling class?
.
I dunno, that was invented to make beheadings more humane…let’s go back to an axe.
That’s not cool man…
They said medieval, that is way too late.
Regicide.
Peasant uprisings, to take down the kings of today.
Let’s do an EU4 Dithmarschen world conquest run from here on out.
be the change you want to see in the world
Medieval peasant uprisings were inevitably put down and the perpetrators brutally massacred, and also their families.
The first successful uprisings weren’t until the 1800s.
Beheading kings.
Cloaks would be cool. I know that’s more of a fantasy aesthetic than a medieval one but they are cool enough that it shouldn’t matter.
I have a cloak vendor bookmarked. I haven’t pulled the trigger because I don’t know if I wanna be the cloak guy, but dammit I want a cloak.
You can’t just say this without posting the link to the cloak vendor!
They’re so cool but yeah it’s so “out there”.
My big wool cloak is my absolute favorite winter garment. It is unbelievably warm and cozy, blocks wind better than any other coat I own, and as an added bonus I can wrap someone else up in it with me to keep THEM warm.
I am unabashedly the cloak girl. Bring back cloaks!
I got a wool blanket. I’m sure there’s away to fold/drape into a cloak.
Just looked into it. just need a pin!
Medieval aesthetics also really had cloaks, but big detached hoods were more common.
These are pretty cool too!
gonna find some merry men and get a band going!
Cloaks are actually quite historical, they’re very easy to make and useful in a variety of conditions.
There’s quite a community on reddit about bringing cloaks back: https://old.reddit.com/r/TheCapeRevolution/
Catapults, just to irritate the trebuchet people.
Did you just insult the superior siege weapon?
As I understand it, the trebuchet is technically a catapult, I think you are trying to undermine it by referring to the lowly mangonel which is certainly inferior.
If my Age of Empires knowledge serves, you can just crank out a pantload of mangonels and start blasting before the trebuchets have time to set up and reduce your town to rubble
Inns, especially if they’ve got an enormous pot of perpetual stew, and people are giving out quests.
That sounds an awful lot like restaurants and jobs…
Yes, but tavern wenches are assumed to be included.
Those are just called lot lizards now.
I can’t believe I just got my CLP and no part of my study material told me or warned me about this term.
There was perpetual stew?
Still is, according to legend
Inns like that existed during the enlightenment up through the invention of the railroad. In the medieval era you slept in a church or maybe someone’s home.
Inns existed in large cities during the medieval period.
Guillotines for kings
