Not to kink shame but is this some sort of cuckold thing I’m too asexual to understand?
Nah, you aren’t supposed to have sex before marriage.
They get around this by putting a penis in a vagina but not moving at all. Someone else jumps on the bed to cause the movement.
They get around this by putting a penis in a vagina but not moving at all. Someone else jumps on the bed to cause the movement.
But like does a significant amount of people actually do this?
No, it was just a dumb hoax.
I knew guys who thought bjs and anal weren’t sex, so jebus would still love them
The ol’ poophole loophole.
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I was hoping someone would post that
I knew before I even opened the link
What did they think sodomy meant?
Being gay.
The old poohole loophole
I don’t even know if this is something that actually happens or just internet rumors…
No.
Mormon God: Damn, they got me.
Are they fucking morons? Just use a horse riding machine
Are they fucking morons
Close, they are mormons fucking
To be fair, the difference is so small you can barely tell.
the difference is so small you can barely tell
Guess you could say it’s pretty fucking close.
That’s what she said?
No, they’re mormons.
Do they quantum teleport the dick? Because insertion… involves movement?
No they dissassemble it and carry the pieces on their shoulder and reassemble it at the worksite.
Edit: sorry wrong community.
It doesn’t count if it is an accident. So they pretend that one of them lands on the other
Do Mormons not use the poophole loophole?
…they would still be moving around
The earth is moving at 107226km/h, they would be moving anyway.
Ahhh, but then that’s someone else’s fault for jumping on the bed.
Next step - the poop-hole loophole!
No, not really. The person is jumping on the bed to help them out with their weird little loophole, not because they’re into watching other people fuck.
If ya gotta jump through these hilarious hoops to not feel bad about fucking, can we at least optimize?
Can’t you just soak and un-soak repeatedly? Is there a skill cool down that has to be respected to not make sky grandpa mad?
sky gramps is into all of this already
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Even with a cooldown, there’s two people. Can at least hit a combo.
There’s a 5 minute cool down period between each soak, unless you purchase the atheist pack in the store, which cuts the cool down, but you run through stamina quickly.
Religion: God is all knowing, all seeing and wise.
Also religion: If you ask your friend to move you inside a vagina, god won’t know you’re fucking!
God knows but you technically didn’t break the rule
Some real “I tied a string to my friend’s house so it’s technically one house and I didn’t travel there on the Sabbath” energy
Where are these friends that would “move you inside a vagina god”?! 😱🔥❤️
Damn you!
I mean, God will forgive all sins if you pray sorry after. I think They are pretty gullible.
Sounds like a threesome with extra steps
Foursome (God watches)
The lord is watching you sinners! (He didnt say stop)
The oldest cuckold. 🤢
Extra jumps?
*fewer
As my Mormon friend said, God is like a T Rex, it can’t see you if you don’t move
😂😂😂
What religion does to people.
Somehow god is all-knowing, but forgot to consider the loopholes.
To be fair, that’s pretty close to describing the Jewish faith. One fundamental tenet is that God put loopholes there on purpose, and it’s the rabbis’ duty to debate legalistically to extrapolate what he meant based on what he said. That’s why they’re called laws. (I was raised jewish, for the record)
One common one that most people have heard of by now since they went viral on youtube a couple years back, is eruvim. Since there’s a bunch of rules around how much effort you’re allowed to exert on the sabbath (e.g. you’re not allowed to move anything from inside your house to outside, or to carry anything heavy more than about half a meter while outside), people hang a wire, called an eruv (plural eruvim), encircling an area ranging from a small neighbourhood to several city blocks to the entire island of Manhattan, proclaiming it to be one big “home”, allowing practicing Jews to do anything they’re only allowed to do at home, anywhere inside its area.
Another fun one that has a lot of ramifications is that we’re not supposed to “start a fire” on sabbath, and rabbi have traditionally declared that turning something electrical on or off is “starting a fire”. Because of this, jewish hospitals have elevators that run constantly between floors so people can just walk on without actually pushing a button and causing a circuit to close. Or lightbulbs; for the longest time, the “solution” was just to leave your lights on all saturday in case you needed them, or maybe spring for electronic timers, or just get your goyim buddy to come over and turn em on for you, but with the modern prevalence of LED bulbs, there’s now jewish smart lights called “shabulbs” that have internal shutters which cover the LEDs without actually extingishing them, so you can turn it back “on” again without breaking the rules. Some places even sell ovens with a shabbat mode so they stay slightly warm all day and never turn all the way off, don’t show the display screen, and don’t turn on their internal lightbulb when you open them after sundown on friday! All this because there’s a rule against starting fires.
Maybe I got a bit off topic, but my point is, In some ways you might say that finding loopholes in Abrahamic law is practicing religion lol
All this because there’s a rule against starting fires.
Shit… I though people over here were nuts… thank you for proving me wrong.
This was such a fun & interesting read. Thank you!
I knew about the elevators (and forgot about Manhattan) but this one’s new for me:
Men approving this 2-year innovation’s hoodwinking of God:
I can just imagine having parents care about any of this and being SO annoyed by it. Worst I got as a kid is going to church on christmas before opening the presents. (We do presents on the evening of the 24th)
It was worse when I was a kid, in winter we had to heat the house to blistering on friday afternoons and just hope it stayed warm enough til sabbath ended (if it wasn’t, we had to get a non-Jewish friend to come turn the furnace on for a bit, and there was all sorts of rules about whether that was allowed too). And if you turned a light off at night by reflex, it stayed off. Nowadays there’s all sorts of “sabbath mode” gadgets lol
I’ve heard stuff like this several times from different sources over the years, but I’m still not convinced it’s not some elaborate collective prank. It reads like something written by Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams.
The really short version is that the jewish belief is that an omniscient god wrote the torah with the complete foreknowledge that people would be debating over its intent in edge cases for the rest of time, and so he wrote exactly what was necessary for rabbis to collectively come to the correct conclusions. If an interpretation would’ve been wrong, then god would’ve written that part differently.
Essentially it’s D&D rules lawyering
I get that, but at the same time I don’t. I mean, it doesn’t make sense to me. Expecting endless debate and also expecting correct conclusions to be reached seems contradictory, since once conclusions are reached, debate would cease. This is one of those things that make me feel very uncertain, like when you finish an exam in half the allotted time, watch everyone else keep furiously working, and start questioning whether everyone else is dumb or whether you are and you missed something obvious. I get that feeling a lot when reading/thinking about religion.
people hang a wire
yes yes, omniscient and omnipotent no doubt, this fucking string will fool god…
I honestly wonder if this is as hilarious to them as it is to outsiders
That’s super interesting. I was not raised Jewish at all, but I’ve heard an expression “making a fence around the Tora.” At least as it was explained to me, the idea is that we don’t really know what the exact line is for what we’re supposed to do, so we’re just going not even get close to the line so we know we’re definitely okay.
To me, that seems like the complete opposite of what you describe. Do you know if that’s a different interpretation/sect/denomination or if I’m misunderstanding and those loopholes are the fence around the Tora?
those loopholes are the fence around the Tora?
That is essentially correct. The torah itself is sacrosanct, and Rabbinic derivations are not seen as loopholes, so much as expert notes to aid in understanding the intent of the torah and accidentally violating the letter of the law. The really short version is, god is omniscient, and therefore knew when he spoke how his words would be interpreted for all time, and so if he didn’t want people to interpret them a certain way, he would’ve said something different. In other words, following the letter of the law is integral, but rules lawyering is not just allowed, it’s expected. There’s actually a famous jewish parable about a time rabbis exiled god himself from a debate because if he wanted to influence the proceedings, he should’ve done so in the torah.
“The torah says we can’t start a fire on the sabbath. But what counts as ‘fire’ or ‘starting’, exactly?” “The torah says we can’t carry a heavy object more than 4 cubits while outside our private domain on the sabbath. What counts as heavy? What is a private domain?”
So if I put a movement sensor that triggers a light in front of a jewish household, they couldn’t leave on sabbath because their movement would trigger a fire?
In the Netflix show Unorthodox there’s a scene where a girl wants to go out but bunch of neighbours standing at the exit tell her that eruv is broken so she has to go back to her apartment and leave her bags. There’s no explanation given but I’ve read about the eruv thing in the past so I knew what’s going on. I felt smart.
Jewish hospitals have paternoster lifts? That sounds ironic.
Unfortunately not, just normal elevators programmed to go up and down to each floor automatically at regular intervals rather than requiring any user input.
didnt some religion have a concept where since they believe god infallible, any loophole in the rules must therefore be intended, possibly as a reward for the cleverness of finding it? I forget which one that was
Pretty common among Jewish scholars.
I like the one where 4 rabbis are arguing 3-1 against each other and god tells them that the 1 guy is right and they respond with “Well that’s 2-3.”
That whole religion, especially the Kabbalah part, is super interesting to me, but it is just so dense that it’s hard to get into.
We call it the poophole loophole.
Actual Ex-Mormon who attended BYU here: Soaking was never a thing, I have only ever heard about it on the internet or literally in the context of Mormons laughing about non-Mormons believing in Mormons doing such things (yeah, they’re meta about it).
What is an actual thing is Mormons getting married super early (for a multitude of reasons, one being the horny). Easily over 70% of the students I knew were married by the time they were seniors in college.
Sorry to break it to you but I also attented BYU and soaking was totally a thing, we just never invited you.
Someone, call the police! This was an absolute murder!
It’s funny cause there are no real winners in all this.
Good. Don’t ever invite me.
I can’t confirm or deny your claims about soaking, because I never went to BYU.
However, I did live in a smallish town in Utah for a year, and I can confirm I saw more married and pregnant 18 year old teens in that one year than I’ve seen in the entire rest of my life.
So the jump hump is real?
Just fuck already
Every porn I have ever watched.
Allow me to introduce you to a wonderful tool: the seek bar
But then I’ll miss important plot points! How can I understand how they got into that position without the context!?
Mormon - m = Moron
Mormon - m = Oro
Did you mean oron?
I can’t tell if that is a purposeful typo or not.
mormon - 5*n = Oro
Technically it’d need to be:
mormon / 2m = oron
A word isn’t a product of letters, that would made mormon = nomorm, but an ordered set, where the subtract operation gives you the first set without any element also found on the second set (in set notation A-B = A-(A intersection B)
You’re right, that would be more technically correct.
If words are an ordered set, then mormon = morn
Words are a base 27 integer. (mormon - mon) / a000 + on = moron
Perhaps…
Mormon - m + e = oreo
Windows user detected.
You’re socase-insensitive, ba-dum-tss.Oro+a-o= ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!!!
the remainder n needs to be accounted for
The n stands for nothing, therefore it’s invisible.
deleted by creator
Math ✔️’s out.
Mormon - m = m (Moron - 1)
Or… ormon… oron
I attended BYU-I in person for three years. There was a lot of dumb s### that happened there, but I can say with confidence this wasn’t one of them. To not be a buzzkill though, I’ll share an actual saying that people use around campus: “BYU I do.” Because like 80-90% of students there expect to be married by the time they graduate.
Thanks for the insight - jump humping and soaking sound like the kind of bullshit my parents would believe because it was featured in some local news story.
Most “teen trends”, especially those related to sex, are just wildly blown out of proportion “stories” based on a couple of people trying something weird, someone else hearing about it, and now suddenly all the teens are doing it.
It reminds me of being in high school when my mom asked me if my girlfriend’s jelly bracelets were a sex thing because she heard about girls owing sex acts to guys who can break one.
I never heard of the jelly bracelet thing, but now I’m thinking about how that sort of thing can be way stronger than it looks.
I have some TPU filament that’s stretchy enough to feel flimsy, but after I realized I somehow couldn’t snap it, it became kind of a strength challenge. The strongest guy I know couldn’t snap it, and he bent a 36" pipe wrench once. But then again, there weren’t sex acts on the line.
It’s a repression thing, they can’t face having sexual fantasies of their own so their mind tricks them into thinking they’re super interested in every news story about wild sex things - suddenly they’re up all night imagining wild and perverted things that are probably happening, but not because they like thinking about those things they reassure themselves, they’re a good moral person trying to protect civic morality…
Read interviews with satanic panic people, endless vivid details right out of an extreme romance novel. Tiktok human trafficking panic is another example, those videos with obviously made up warnings about sex rings and kidnapping methods - it’s all structured just like it’s porn equivalents.
Out of curiosity, did most of the people there actually follow the no sex rule? I know at some of the Christian colleges I’ve been to, there are lots of people who do have sex, they just have to be secretive enough about it. Of course, a good portion of kids at those colleges were just pressured to go there by their families, but aren’t that religious themselves. 🤷
I don’t know any Mormons, so idk if it’s remotely similar at a school like BYU.
Im intrigued. Is there any porn of this?
The answer to that question is always yes.
Well I’ve looked and couldn’t find anything. So I’m going to say it doesn’t exist.
It is your duty to make it then. I am expecting completion from you by the start of next week.
I’m gonna need you to go ahead and write, produce, direct, and star in this porno by close of business tomorrow.
Hahaha sometimes religious people are hilarious
brainrot
Wait, is this same logic why my fridge has a “Sabbath” setting? 🤦🏼♂️
I was just thinking it’s similar to how Jews try to trick god. At least I’m not the only one.
There is a long rabbinic tradition of arguing with each other and god. Look up The Oven of Akhnai
And the real life results of that are awesome.
What does that even mean? Does the door open itself on the hour?
It disables the ice/water dispenser, any ui elements and makes the light not turn on.
What? Your fridge can jump on beds?
And play Black Sabbath. Sweet.
Honestly, I had to ask what that seeing was for. I was further confused by the answer. 🤪
I’m a Mormon, and this just can’t be real. Sexual contact is sexual contact. How would people told to leave enough room for a Bible between them while dancing think that this would be okay?
I’m convinced this rumor exists just because people want it to be true.
Tide pods
I can’t speak for this particular practice, or for Mormons, but things like the poophole loophole and the clapper are definitely nonsense tricks to try and get one past an omniscient creator - to an outsider (in my case, one that lived in Provo for a short stint), it’s plausible.
