My SO and I discussed that engagement rings shouldn’t be expensive.
What should I look for in good value rings? Lab grown diamonds? Fake diamonds? gold? white gold? silver? platinum?
Also, what kind of cut? Moissante vs Lab grown?
avoid diamonds. there are prettier (and more humane) stones. not to mention: more affordable
instead, choose a stone and metal that reflect your and your intended’s personalities rather than some boring thing billions of others have.
Are lab grown okay, value wise? what about moissante?
IMO moissanite is a better idea, looks nicer, fuck debeers. Check out your partners existing jewellery for ideas, see if they tend to prefer gold colour metal or silver coloured
I went with moissanite and it was perfect. Just don’t go too big or it will be obvious that it’s not a diamond, because normal folks can’t afford huge diamonds.
I went to a local jeweler and they ordered in the moissanite for me, then affixed it to one of their rings. The entire thing was around $350.
Just don’t go too big or it will be obvious that it’s not a diamond, because normal folks can’t afford huge diamonds.
Good point. But as someone who bought a diamond and still regrets it, I hope these younger wiser folks can embrace and normalize avoiding diamonds.
Anytime I see a wedding ring that’s clearly not a diamond, my respect for that union raises immediately.
Both are beautiful, and both are easily distinguishable from natural diamonds for being too perfect. The irony is that natural diamonds increase in value if they have fewer imperfections, but almost no natural diamonds have zero imperfections.
Value-wise, in theory a natural diamond will hold its value over time, but in practice the value of natural diamonds is manipulated by the diamond conglomerates that control the market. We won’t “exhaust the supply” of diamonds in our lifetimes, so there’s not much sense in worrying about the value of the gem either way.
Are any gems “worth it”? That’s between you and your wallet. It’s an entirely superficial item, serving no practical purpose. To paraphrase a modern American philosopher, you can get married with paper rings. The ring is a symbol of your commitment, and as long as your fiancee enjoys wearing it everyday, don’t stress about what other people will think.
I wouldn’t concern myself about a lab diamond being too perfect. I have never met anyone that pulled out a loupe in the restaurant to check. That’s between me and the jeweler.
You’re right, but moisannite can be distinguished without a loupe by a colorful flash. But also anyone knowledgeable enough to spot that at a distance probably does not have the same prejudices against lab-made diamonds. I mean, unless they work for Debeers.
in theory a natural diamond will hold its value over tim
The jig is up, on that one, or it’s about to be.
As an embarrassed possessor of a real diamond ring, I’m well aware that my grandchildren may well decide to pawn it on the cheap, considering its awful legacy. If others do the same, and considering the reserve supply, it’s not even going to be worth what we paid for it.
I got my wife a moissanite and it turned out beautiful.
She likes big stones so I got her a 2ct oval one which she loved. Didn’t care much for the technicalities - it looks good, suits her style and that’s all that matters.
And no way you could get a 2ct diamond for 700$.A person who won’t appreciate how you choose to express your love isn’t someone you’d want to marry, anyway.
Lab grown are produced under conditions that would get you animal cruelty charges if you subjected your pets to them. And they are separated from their siblings very early in the process and sold off to stores all across the country.
I’m so confused by this comment. Are you trying to say that putting a live animal under extreme pressure and zapping them would constitute animal cruelty?
If you don’t agree, you’re sick in the head!
I’m not disagreeing. I’m confused because I don’t see how it’s relevant to the comment you responded to.
I think they’re making a joke. It has upvotes, so some people seem to like it
Ah, makes sense. Thanks
My wife loves moissanite, we went with etsy and even got her wedding band custom designed in CAD to fit her engagement ring. Manhattan box was the store we used for the band and a UK spot called shinyjungle for engagement ring where she liked a lab grown morganite. She gets a lot of compliments on them. Most cant tell the difference between them and traditional blood diamonds. Cubic zirconia or epoxy based stones are what you dont want.
My wife and I picked out her ring together. She has to wear it all the time. I think she should have say in the matter. Ask your partner to help you pick one out.
This, it ruins the surprise a bit but also ensures you’ll hear a “yes”
Edit: also I went with a brilliant earth fake diamond ring, but you could save $ and go for moissanite
You can always also get a cheaper sentimental ring and go out ring shopping together for the official one.
That way you keep the surprise and she gets the ring she wants, plus another ring and a nice memory.
IMO, an agreement to get married should be a mutual discussion, not a surprise. My wife and I also decided to get married by having a discussion and then went ring shopping together. We went with a blue topaz. Super pretty and didn’t break the bank.
Yeah, but a lot of people come to the agreement that they’ll get married without an official proposal date getting set.
True, but you can meet in the middle re: this kind of thing with the ring. Having established that it’s going to happen at some point, take a trip to a jewelers ‘for fun’. Pay attention to what she goes ‘oooh’ over - style, stone, cut, etc. Write this information down to search separately.
It’s a bit of a stereotype I suppose, but trust that your future wife knows what she’s doing on that visit (particularly if y’all don’t browse jewelry together frequently - it’s kind of an anvil of a hint). This way there’s still an element of surprise, but you’re not just picking something random in hopes it pleases.
Same. We made it a date and went downtown to a pawn shop to pick out rings. It’s honestly a great way to find fun rings at not-horrendous prices
Shouldn’t the proposal be a surprise? I was thinking the ring as well?
Hi! The proposal itself should be a surprise, but the fact you are proposing should not. You and your partner should discuss marriage and be on the same page on what you want from the relationship before you take that step.
The fact that the proposal is coming should not be a surprise. Neither should the look and style of the ring. Just shop for it together.
The actual moment of the proposal, if well researched and planned, can be a fun surprise (if your proposee enjoys that kind of surprise. And there’s no need to get fancy. Just ask. Not for permission to propose, but for permission to make it a surprise.)
But even that shouldn’t be too much of a surprise.
Also, make sure it’s a “dress your best” kind of date, so your proposee will feel good about that way they look.
The proposal can still be a surprise, just think of a way to do it where going ring shopping together is the big surprise, rather than the ring itself (if they have a good sense of humour, maybe use a gummy ring or a mood ring, something really silly as a stand in, otherwise maybe a ring shaped “coupon”? Or some other symbolic token that would hold meaning to just the two of you?).
[not OP] I thought about a ring pop. I ended up making a paper ring and quoting Taylor Swift. “I like shiny things but I’d marry you with paper rings”. A normal durable ring followed, but she got to pick it out. As stated above, shevs the one wearing it all the time.
That’s a perfect example of what I meant, it’s cute and personal to your relationship, and leaves the other person room to choose something they’re comfortable with.
Personally I think the ring should be the least important part of a proposal (though I say this as someone who is not interested in getting one, and who also hates wearing rings lol)…
Depends on the individual, some want it as a surprise, some aren’t as concerned about the surprise.
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Whenever I see questions like this, I know there are going to be a lot of answers about how bad this or that jewelry is, or how traditional rings are evil or a waste of money, or whatever. Luckily I don’t see any anti-marriage replies yet. In any case it’s a good idea to not preemptively use logic and morals to override what your future wife will want and feel.
But this is the right answer. I think if you’re going to get married, it’s good to be at a point in your relationship where you’re talking about these things and you can just choose ring together, or at least discuss if she wants you to be the one who selects it, or if she doesn’t want diamonds, or how much to spend, and whatever else. You should be as confident in choosing a ring you know she’ll like as you are in marrying the person. The best way to do that is to communicate and do it together.
This is the way.
I spent more than I should have about 3 years ago, but I HIGHLY recommend the lab diamonds. I was able to get better quality for less price.
I looked into Moissante, and whether or not you should get that is really up to her. A doofus like me would never know it’s not a diamond, but many people would. Definitely DO NOT try to pass it off as a diamond, because she’ll find out one way or another. If you were proposing to me, (don’t get your hopes up, I’m taken) and told me that we could save a thousand dollars by going with Moissante, I’d be all for it because I’m cheap and tradition doesn’t mean much to me, but most people aren’t like me.
I know it’s tricky to get information without ruining the surprise, so what I did was send her a message while I was at work: “The girls here are having a debate on whether or not a fake diamond is acceptable for an engagement ring. 😂”. Her response told me everything I needed to know about Moissante.
Good luck! Don’t forget to invite us to the wedding!
The surprise shouldn’t be that you’re about to propose. The surprise should be in how you choose to propose.
Unless the ring’s details are part of the surprise (which they could be, if it’s meaningful to the couple), clear and open communication should be preferred
Yeah, my parents already had the wedding booked by the time my dad had proposed 🤣
We went with moissanite, and everyone thinks its an insanely expensive diamond
Moissanite is sparklier than diamond, so for what people look at in rings, it ends up looking better than diamond
I got our engagement rings from a gumball machine. Was really hard to find. And even harder to find one that sold rings. When I had finally found one I didn’t have a single 20 cent coin it required on me. I flagged down passerby from across the street. She gave me two coins and refused to take my one Euro in exchange.
Those two coins netted me five balls, which included three rings. I selected the most beautiful and headed home.
We’ve been married for over 13 years so far.
Aw! 💕
From when my partner and I bought our ring set, we went to a gem shop instead of a jewelry store. We had three rings given to us by family members, and wanted to rework them into a new set for me and then get a matching ring for my husband. Every jewelry store we went to wanted $6-8k to do the rework. We ended up at the gem shop as a last resort, because we were both over it. The gem shop reworked and made my engagement ring, wedding band, added a lab grown sapphire, and found a ring for my husband for $1900 total. And they did it all on our timeframe of two weeks.
My advice is to shop around and talk to people. All the big jewelry shops were so expensive, and smaller businesses will probably be better on your budget.
Shout out to Bob’s Gem Shop in Escondido, California! They got us a great deal and I love our set. 😍
Nice try, Bob.
Lol. I don’t even think that dude would know what Lemmy is. 😄
I am not sure what you mean with value. Unless you are planning to resell them again, what does the value matter?
I interpreted it as “not getting ripped off”, as I imagine one generally does when buying mined diamonds
I was thinking something like natural diamonds are not good value when compared to lab grown or moissanite
My SO and I discussed that engagement rings shouldn’t be expensive.
Correct answer. This indicates that the two of you have at least some kind of head on your shoulders.
I used a literal piece of costume jewelry for the proposal. It was very shiny, but only $10. The point of this was, we got a “real” engagement ring afterwards and she could pick what she wanted rather than me doing it for her and getting it wrong. We ultimately settled on a moissanite rock which is, it must be said, hella sparkly. And significantly cheaper than getting a diamond which she’d be forever fearful of losing or smashing out of the setting, or whatever. After visiting quite a few jewelry places, believe it or not the place where we found the one she loved was at Walmart. I still feel sophisticated to this very day.
Fellas, if your chickie is more worried about how shiny a pebble you’ve brought her is rather than, you know, the person bringing it, what you have yourself there is a problem.
If you can, look into local jewelers who can craft you something handmade with ethically sourced stones. I’m in Seattle and we have Valerie Madison who does great engagement sets and Everling Jewelry who uses recycled metals. A local artist will be able to recommend something within your budget, and your SO can and should be involved, as another poster mentioned.
I went the same route, it was significantly less expensive to get a nicer custom ring made by a local jewler I knew, to my spec/design then to get a commodity one from a store.
If they’ve got favorite colors or colors that hold special meaning to them, prioritize gems with those colors over diamonds.
Even elaborate pieces will still be cheaper than an equivalent diamond ring because the prices are that overinflated for those things.
Also if they like purple, see if you can get the body of the ring in purple gold if it’s in the budget, might not be as much of a cost conscious choice as seeking alternative gems but it’ll look sick!
Remember there are other precious stones than diamonds. Ruby, emerald, sapphire. For me, they’re all prettier than diamonds, and have a much longer tradition.
I went with moissanite. It’s sparklier than diamond. My wife still gets compliments on it years later.
Lab diamonds are “fake” diamonds. Artificial and natural diamonds only differ in their level of human suffering and exploitation, with natural diamonds being higher in both.
Band metal depends on taste and costs. Platinum is the most expensive and best IMO, gold is kind of out of style(does she wear gold rings?), white gold is budget platinum, silver is cheap platinum that tarnishes.
Get a lab diamond with both your birth stones flanking it. For the band, I would go with white gold unless she wears gold rings a lot or you can afford platinum.
Also, she wants an expensive ring regardless of what she told you. She wants a giant rock on her finger when she shows it off, but should be absolutely ecstatic for anything you get. Talk to her married friends’ husbands and don’t get a bigger diamond than they got if you want to be a bro.
Also, she wants an expensive ring regardless of what she told you. She wants a giant rock on her finger when she shows it off…
Nope, no. No no. If a woman says she wants or doesn’t want something don’t presume to know better than her. As a married woman with married friends not a single one of them wanted a ring any more expensive than $500 or so, the average was about $300. Big rocks get left in the jewelry box because they get caught on things. One of my friends has two engagement rings, one with the big rock and another she picked out with her now husband. Guess which one she wears? This is from a sample size of about 25 women I know personally with a 0% instance rate of what you describe. My own engagement ring was about $35 with shipping because I like sterling silver and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
If a woman (or anyone) says she wants or doesn’t want something don’t presume to know better than her.
Excellent advice. I’m quoting it again here in case anyone reading along missed it, because I wish someone had knocked this into my head before I made an ass of myself a few times.
Diamonds are a commodity like gold and silver. You can buy market value diamonds from a dealer and then have a ring made. Even for synthetic diamonds this is the cheapest way to get a diamond ring.
I used to work at a jewelers. A good quality moissanite is gonna be as close to an actual diamond you can get without getting an actual diamond if that’s what you’re looking for.
As far as metals, gold is the traditional choice but sterling is both less expensive and more durable. If you do go with gold, I would opt for 14 kt over 18 kt personally. The higher the karat number, the purer the gold, which sounds like a good thing but from a practical standpoint is a bit of a PITA because this in effect means higher karats are both more expensive and more fragile because gold is soft. Since typically an engagement ring is worn every day, something that can handle some wear and tear is a plus.
For settings, look for something fairly low with prongs that have a decent heft to them. Tall settings bump into shit ALL THE TIME and eventually the prongs tens to shift and the stone goes flying (again, gold is soft).
Also, look at her other jewelry and talk to her about what her tastes are. There’s no rule that says it “has to be” anything if a more standard ring isn’t her thing. Going with her favorite color or her birthstone and working from there can be a good option.
