The start of a true boatist begins with a balanced number of tattoos. You need at least some chain and one of those big fishing hooks they drop to stop the ship to make fast turns during action events.

You’ll need one with a heart that’s broken with an arrow thru it.

Next you need Keratin and testosterone boosters. When you start on those you’ll need to exercise a lot. Do pushups, arm wrestling and sparing. You’ll need a sword or a really long knife.

Carry a patch to cover one eye. It works better if you don’t have a leg. That way you can get a wood peg leg, which is very important.

Finally, go to Mexico and learn to roll your ars. This is what makes you a true pirate, which is your goal.

You should listen to most others here in the thread and seek professional help. That being said, it’s not always an option for some. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it (especially at this time), but since you’re in the US and have an interest in seafaring work, have you considered joining the Navy?

The medical benefits alone can be worth it, but your want for work kinda sounds like you want purpose and it provides that for a lot of people. You’re below the maximum age and so long as you can pass the physical requirements for your age and a drug test, waivers exist for most other criteria. No experience required.

Service comes with its own stresses as does life at sea, military or not. Be wary. Probably best to just see a doctor if you can.

Talk to somebody about how you feel. A real person, not some randos on the internet. A person who is maybe qualified to give good advice. Sell the gun as well. The diversion with hard work at sea may sound like a solid plan right now. But it may not address the root causes for how you feel. And the feeling may not be improved while being tossed around by 100ft waves in the Indian Ocean or something in a year or two.

You’ll need to take your basic seamanship training to work on a commercial vessel, that will be a good start

Depends whether you want to be part of a ships crew, or have an auxilliary role. The crewmen need to be certified, at minimum as an Ablebodied Seaman. However, there are plenty of ships that have additional personnel that technically aren’t part of the crew;
My current career started on a survey ship, and all I had was skills with IT, linux, heavy machinery, and a an affinity for DIY stuff. The company paid for the training courses necessary for me to be on board, working a 5week rotation. The certs you need are usually BOSIET and HUET, depending on the type of ship. I just remembered that I need to renew mine.

So what you want to ask yourself is this: Are you after a maritime career, or just any job on a ship? The first one requires STCW certifications. The second one requires a lot less.

NB: Smaller boats, such as private fishing vessels with much smaller crews may not require the above. I am unsure how they operate in this regard - I know people who’ve joined fishing vessels with little to no prior boating experience.

As it’s somewhat relevant, I’ll lazypaste a comment I made a while back after someone asked how life on a ship is like:

While I’m not an AB myself, I’ve worked on ships alongside them, so I’ve gotten a lot of insight into how the crews work.

The short answer is that it depends on your role. Basically, there are usually three or four types of crew on any ship:

• Bridge
• Deck
• Engineering
• Anyone else (me), on more specialized ships.

Bridge:
Responsible for the navigation, safety, comms, scheduling, and all procedural tasks with running a ship. There are always someone on the bridge at all times, and this person is in charge of everything. The captain is of course the senior officer, but his responsibility and authority is delegated when he’s off duty.

Deck:
It can be pretty chill, but there’s still a fuckton of tasks to do. Painting, chipping rust, inspections, maintenance, helping out bridge/engineering if they need it. Most people on the bridge or in engineering have been Deck crew (AB - Able-bodied Seaman) at some point.
I’ve also seen deck crew being responsible for grilling on Saturdays.

Engineering:
Everything to do with the engine, and overall mechanical functionality of the ship.

I intentionally left out the galley staff, as this varies a lot between ships. When it’s a big crew, like the ships I’ve been on, there’s a dedicated galley staff. On smaller crews, it can be the ABs’ job to serve up meals.

Source: Roughly 800 days logged offshore, spanning all continents except Antarctica and Oceania.

I need to get away from the gun in my safe calling me.

Running away only works for so long. As the great poet once said, wherever you go, there you are.

I would recommend professional help.

Shit, just go fishing. I knew multiple young guys who simply went to Alaska and asked around. You’re going to be the greenhorn but if you want to work yourself to death it’s a good path.

I don’t know anything about boats, but have a suggestion you may find helpful for a while.

Do you have anyone close who would be willing to take your gun/s for awhile? Just someone who could hold onto them until you feel better about having possession of them again?

I learn fast and forget quick. Im super jelly of the retired at 35 thing. im unemployed at 53.

Not the best solution to your problem, first off.

Since you have funds, take some proper sailing lessons and find some boat delivery jobs. It will be funner, more like contract work (a few weeks at a time), challenging and you can learn to sail! Eventually, you can build skills that let you live the sea gypsy life, a mere dream for most.

My first roommate did this! There’s labor unions you join and have to go through a lot of training. Then you get furloughed for like a year.

https://www.seafarers.org/

If it matters I live on south padre island but will relocate literally anywhere

If it helps I once worked 4 23 hour shifts in a row for dollar tree (inventory)