I know nothing about boats but I learn fast and never forget.
I’m willing to do the jobs no one else wants.
My kids are grown, I’m divorced, retired at 35. I’m not quite forty yet.
I need to get away and I need to work impossibly hard like I’m used. I need to get away from the gun in my safe calling me.
I’ll work myself to death at any shipping job.
There’s got to be a captain looking for a newbie like that.
You should listen to most others here in the thread and seek professional help. That being said, it’s not always an option for some. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it (especially at this time), but since you’re in the US and have an interest in seafaring work, have you considered joining the Navy?
The medical benefits alone can be worth it, but your want for work kinda sounds like you want purpose and it provides that for a lot of people. You’re below the maximum age and so long as you can pass the physical requirements for your age and a drug test, waivers exist for most other criteria. No experience required.
Service comes with its own stresses as does life at sea, military or not. Be wary. Probably best to just see a doctor if you can.