Growing up everyone around me treated me like a weird freak for staring off at like a wall or out the window or something else when I was lost in thought or bored, so what are we supposed to do when we’re not actively look at something?
In a glass of water, on a table next to your bed.
It isn’t one place. Neurotypical eye movement is fairly constant, with a lot of time spent looking at or around other people. People who are autistic or have ADHD have a different pattern and often get commentary that they are staring at something like they want to burn it down or that they are off with the fairies.
To help with masking one strategy is to have a frequent face check, looking near the faces of people who are in the room, especially those who have just entered or moved. If someone is speaking they should be looked at but not 100% of the time, more like 70-90%. Other time should be spent looking around the room, looking at whatever is behind or around them, or at whatever they are presenting if applicable.
That said, if that isn’t enough clarity I would recommend spending some time actually watching other people. You can do this in a classroom environment but people may find it disconcerting, so using sunglasses and doing it at a café is a fairly good option. Pay attention to where their eyes are going and what they are doing. If they are talking to someone compare their eye behaviour while they are talking to while they are listening, it is quite different. Same with if they are eating, drinking, reading, and so on. Some people spend a surprisingly large portion of the time while reading not looking at the page.
Answer: a wall or out the window or something else. Those “everyone” probably never had a thought
The age old question of “am I autistic or was everyone I grew up around just an asshole?”
It could be both!
You’re on lemmy asking about a behavior that you do not understand fully. And you question its social connotations.
The first one is… pretty obvious. Welcome home.
And yes everyone was an asshole too. They still are in fact.
I mean, I’m not qualified to diagnose someone else with an ASD, I’m just gonna say that it sounds a little weird but hey we like weird here.
Probably just assholes.
I like to call that place I go to in my brain when I’m not even having a thought “The Nothing Box”. The Nothing Box is where nothing happens. You climb into your little box, and it’s practically like being braindead. You don’t think, you don’t see, you don’t hear, and you don’t feel. You’re just nothing for a short little while until some asshole rips you out of your peaceful and quiet Nothing Box, complaining about you not listening, staring or whatever.
The nothing box is a magical place where you get to just chill for half a minute. Worries don’t matter, life doesn’t excist, all that is, is nothing.
My parents always did the “what are you thinking about?” when I was spaced out in my nothing box, and to this day do not understand why this made me angry. a) if I wanted to share my thoughts, I would have done so, if I’m not sharing it’s none of your business! and b) you destroyed my sweet nothing moment! That short respite from my always-on brain, lost because you’re nosy!
Makes me mad just thinking about. Glad my love doesn’t do this (he wouldn’t be my love otherwise, I guess).
Hm, you put into words what always bothered me about it, but I couldn’t exactly form the words to describe it.
Nowadays I would be glad to be able to get into the nothing box again. Always on brain it is, sadly, for me.
If you are asking the first part is probably true, and for the people you noticed the second part is probably true.
Definitely assholes. Who doesn’t stare off into space from time to time
I’ve been wondering this quite a bit lately.
Yes?
Stare directly at the people who are treating you like a freak for staring out the window.
Gazing out the window and zoning out are absolutely normal human behaviors.
One reason assholes got mad about you doing that was probably because they wanted your attention on them in that moment. Everyone zones out and stares at nothing sometimes but some people are faster at snapping out of it. If the default position for your social engagement switch is “Ignore,” you have a delay while you switch it to “Engage.” Or they’re better at hiding the fact that they’re bored with the person who’s been talking to them. Meanwhile the asshole is already all focused on “Me! Me!”
Gazing at the bridge of their nose might help
Autism screening.
everyone around me treated me like a weird freak for staring off at like a wall or out the window or something else
WTF? Almost everyone does this! Sounds like you grew up with assholes who were looking for any excuse to mock and berate you. In which case, I’m sorry.
If you were frequently getting lost in your thoughts and not responding to them when they’d try to get your attention then maybe I could see some light teasing.
One thing I would add, not because it’s wrong to do this but because it might lead to people thinking it odd: if you are staring out of the same window or at the same wall for more than a few minutes, maybe switch your gaze to something else (a different wall or window or whatever). That way it doesn’t draw as much attention and it’s makes you look like you are more seated of your surroundings.
Put them in a jar on your bedside table.
I keep them in my eye sockets
Roll them into the back of your head and practice throat singing, it helps with the thinking. Note this also gets you out of having to go to church, they’ll bring the priest to you.
Have you never heard the phrase “staring off into space”? It’s a very common thing. As long as you’re not staring directly at someone (which can come across as creepy), it’s just something people do.
I just roll’em until people get the idea.
You just put your eyes on the best boobs that are anywhere around. But not forever!!
Only until even better boobs arrive.
Seriously this is the worst on crowded subway cars. When I used to commute by subway, there were multiple occasions where I got glared at for staring into space when some woman or her attractive parts happened to be wherever my eyes were pointing.
You might as well stare at the best boobs because you’re getting glared at for it whether you are or not
Close them, when you close your eyes nothing else exists. Simply remain in this state of suspended animation / transcendental meditation until you are ready to make your next move. :) Or out a window or at a wall.
I had the same “problem” and I’ve learned to just ignore those people. We were just being bored/curious which is natural for humans.
I think it’s older generations who were abused and trying to pass that off onto us as well.
Which is funny because staring at someone is rude. So either you be rude and stare at someone or you stare off into the void and let your mind wander.
I still do it. I don’t give a fuck.
