When we had 6 kids living with us, 2500 sq feet felt luxurious. Two kids in each bedroom upstairs, and we had a bedroom downstairs, there were 6 bathrooms in that house (5 full one just a toilet and sink) and it did feel big.

When we had 4 kids in a 1300 sq foot house, it was plenty enough room but there was only one bathroom and that made it more difficult.

We had 2 in a 1300 with 2 bathrooms AND a garage for storage and workout room, that worked fine, but the bedrooms were big and living room tiny, that is not ideal, it needed to be arranged differently.

Now we have 2 kids in an 1800 sq feet house and I would say this is ideal, it’s arranged so the kids have their own living room/gaming room outside of their small bedrooms, and we have a bedroom on the other side of the house where the kitchen and main living room are. Also a great big back deck that can be accessed from our bedroom and that main living room, which adds enough capacity we can have big parties. 2.5 bathrooms, 3.5 would be better. When these last 2 kids move out it will STILL be ideal, an office, a guest room or workout room, a den, we could even move the TV out of the living room then if we wanted.

So I think how it’s arranged makes a difference but family of 4 in 1800sq ft feels like we have a big house to me.

I feel like there are no bad guys here. Are you on meds yet? That helped my kids. I do sympathize most with your wife - you are going to have to do a lot of the stuff she’s doing for you now if you break up, so I can understand she is frustrated you won’t do it.

We divide labor in my house. Husband is more tight about cleaning, he doesn’t want mess. I don’t care as much, I do clean up but not in an organized way and certainly not to his standards. He does what he can, but importantly - we also have a cleaning lady come every second week because I know my limitations and it’s not fair to push all the cleaning off onto husband. He doesn’t cook, I do that, the gardening, the finances & tech stuff (cleaning up takes as much time as all of that together I think and I value so much not having to do as much of it) and we both work full time. Some stuff we put on auto-ship so neither of us have the mental load. Dog food, flea medicine, toilet paper, medicines. Anything where it can come at a regular frequency. He writes a lot of post it notes too & phone reminders - if you aren’t good at remembering, use timers and notes.

I know you are posting mostly to vent, and might not want suggestions so please just take this as it’s meant, some thoughts because your post resonates with me. I am sorry y’all are going through this, both of you.

OMG I had an enormous cat with very similar look who did exactly that to drink. His sister, though, knew that you had to get the water out of the glass to drink it, she would just tip it over with her paw, and drink from the resulting puddle.

Dishwasher for us, though the powder detergent suggestion absolutely did not work, big degradation in the results for us, went back to the orange pod things. Too many people and almost never eat out, so much cooking.

When it broke I had to fill a sink with hot soapy water (luckily ours is double) and everyone parked their dishes in there, scrubbed but left the water dirty, poured boiling water in occasionally to keep it warm and at the end of the day drain the water, rinse and dry. It worked and the easiest way I could manage but wasteful compared to dishwasher.

I never had one before living with my husband, and always hated washing dishes. Used to buy paper plates and bowls because with a big family and a job it was just too much, nobody wanted to do so many dishes.

Some things a dishwasher does not clean off the dishes. Avocado, eggs. And it doesn’t work if you let them sit too long. But in general it does a good job and saves time and effort.

I bike to work and walk to anything close (have electric bike so that is my 1-6 mile ride usually, and under a mile I use my feet.). Also go for a Pokemon Go walk often, not to go anywhere. Or walk the dogs if husband can’t. A Run though, that I only do for exercise, and not if I can avoid it.

Car, I have one but my kid takes it to university so I don’t usually get to drive it. And I do prefer moving at a human pace, and not having to park the car.

ETA you asked about car-centric and yes oh yes my city is exactly that. Which is why I worry about getting run over.

And another add - I do kind of get where you are coming from - I can’t let go of thinking without enough to focus on but not too much. That is why I loved Jazzercise, not kidding. Exactly the right amount of paying attention that I could achieve “flow” and just dance, following so I didn’t have to think, not so complex I had to think, but complex enough I didn’t think about anything else. Running was SO boring. Real dance class too complex. Going out to dance, have to decide how to move. But to stop thinking here while moving around town is hazardous as fuck.

Jump for my love by the Pointer sisters? That has the super high pitched yoo oo oo at the end (that honestly kind of ruins it) and bouncy dancy lady singing song

I like music, love music, keep it on in the house and car but do not like headphones and wouldn’t dare use them on a walk or run because I’d get run over by a car.

I like the sound of the city, the birds singing, the crows cawing, kids yelling, even the distant sirens and LOVE the distant music of parties, so much. Cars going by with music. Incidental sound is engaging IMO not boring.

Where I grew up, the Hispanic people were the white people, everyone had Spanish background of some sort, the mayor was Hispanic, I had no idea that was any sort of a difference. Until I visited California and saw the discrimination against Mexicans, because they LOOKED native, not European. Like, my maternal grandpa was probably part Mexican but pale as fuck, my paternal grandpa allegedly French & English but short stature and tan complexion. None of this registered as any sort of difference to me.

Latin American Hispanics are at least partly indigenous to the Americas, yes. So yes you can be Hispanic and of European heritage (España) or, more commonly, Hispanic of the Americas (because of the conquistadores). I don’t think straight indigenous not Spanish speaking and from the Americas is Hispanic.

So yes, to your question - a lot of people speak Spanish but their ancestors would have been Mayan or Zapotec, or something. Yes. Millions.

My ex MIL is great in a lot of ways but I think a good example of a middle income conservative person with a disdain for the poor. She personally used welfare to go to school and become a nurse but in her mind this was exceptional - welfare she thinks holds people back (just not her, somehow). She doesn’t hate the poor, she just thinks they are doing it to themselves. Because she managed to make it.

I think that’s the fundamental difference between conservative and progressive, honestly. She thinks she personally should get whatever advantage, but if someone else gets it that’s cheating, basically. Even though she was IN that situation she blames others who are.

For me (and I think most people) the life experience of being poor and homeless gave me perspective and empathy for those who are in that situation now, and I’d like them to get more than I did so they can get established.

I go pretty much straight from work to yoga, make supper at a civilized hour afterwards, and take Wednesdays off workouts to, as you say, flop.

Gardening I do in the morning before work.

Cooking I do because others depend on me, that’s been true for 30 years now, before that I didn’t remember to eat, just when hungry. Don’t keep junk in the house if it tempts you, make your easy stuff healthier. Hummus, boil eggs on the weekends so you have those, fruit, bagged salad greens, make it easier to eat nutritious food.

I want to say suck it up and go to the gym, you will be glad you did. 9-5 is pretty nice hours, here it’s 8-5 or 9-6. Exercise is one non-negotiable for me. I have gotten up at 5 to run when that was the only option, and have gone to the gym at 20:30 after night classes after work when that was the only option. You will feel better if you just GO and work out even if you don’t want to.

Habit>willpower. Commit to 6 weeks, and by then your schedule will probably settle out. Personally I put exercise ahead of healthy eating because I know my body.

It’s hard for everyone. 60 hours of work week sounds like you need a new job. That’s not something that can be sustained over the long haul and I don’t think it leaves you time for an affair or drinking habit. In terms of practical changes: Transition your kid to 9pm bedtime, get help with the cooking and hire someone to clean each week if you have to work that much and can’t do anything about it for now.

My husband has a busy season - during this time I do more of the household stuff because he is working 9-9 six days a week. I have a busy season too - during this time I don’t try to cook every day, husband helps out more.

But all year we get help with cleaning, every other week.

I don’t remember but do remember my dad calling me an anarchist when I was very, very young. Like maybe 4 or 5.

Apples stay nice in the refrigerator, figs do, berries, grapes, citrus.

But I think what you need more is a checklist? So that it doesn’t matter if your fruit this week is in the fridge or on the counter.

I don’t follow pro sports, sometimes watch the college teams or the international gymnastics amateur competitions. Occasionally a soccer (football) match of our not top division but good local team but not often. Just not into watching men play games usually. But stuff like gymnastics and ice skating is so entertaining to watch. Competitive dance too.

There really isn’t any value past entertaining you, right? If it’s not entertaining you anymore, the value is gone.

Oh I guess I forgot rugby. I do not follow it at all but find it fun to watch. And the college used to put the basketball games on their TV channel with all the timeouts, halftime, everything taken out so it was just st gameplay and I always enjoyed those too. So sometimes I do like watching men play games if they are all action and not too long.

Young, Dumb, Young Dumb and Broke.

Dude. If you got into college you aren’t dumb, and the good job may help your mood (as my husband says, money doesn’t buy happiness but sure removes a lot of the stresses and lacks that cause sadness.)

My best wishes to you, and also to that weird vegan who is in a similar situation. I can’t say things will get better but will say things CAN get better.

We had a poster with “nutrition per calorie” and collard greens were at the top, I imagine kale is similar.

But you do need calories too!

I think dal with greens in it is probably the most nutritious. Love soup with meat but beans, greens, and rice feels so good and healthy, and has most of what you need for a day.

If the OP is asking for the most calorie dense soup, I would guess cheddar broccoli or cheddar cauliflower.

The unbrawlah. Any violence ends when you get within a meter or so of the umbrella when open. Not bounces off like a forcefield but like a zone of safety.

https://youtu.be/hn6AbrtjK9I

Relevant song. And a good one.

My dog - she was hacking and I let her out, she didn’t puke. Let her back in and she hurled all over the rug so I let her out, she seemed fine after puking and cleaned it then let her back in when the rug was cleaned and she puked on it again.

I threw out the rug.

Walking is a very good start, yes. And start slow.

When you get high at night, go for a walk. Night walk is lovely.

Also whenever you think about it, stand on one foot, sounds odd but it’s good for your body. Little exercise breaks, go up the stairs and back down a couple of times.

Mostly I want to say - building a habit takes six weeks. Force yourself every day for six weeks. After that it gets easier because you will feel better on a day you exercise, than a day you don’t, and because you will have found the time of day that works. Habit works a lot better than willpower, but you have to power your way through those first few weeks. Commit to six weeks of daily something. Push ups, walking, whatever.