[Reposting since my other account seems shadowbanned(?). I’m sorry if you are seeing this again]
I am one of those who are in their twenties and never had a partner (unless you count that one odd semi edating stuff I got going at one time). And thus never felt touch of a partner or their love lol.
Well in my teens, I never had these feelings this high and I always felt focusing on my studies was the best so I had myself distracted all the time. Love was a foreign concept.
Even now it does feel like one, but after a long online situationship( ? idk what you call it) I feel it unlocked something in me. I have been feeling stuff I haven’t felt before and this had me trying to watch some romcoms which I never did in my teenage. But these don’t really sit with me and idk how to deal with the random waves of endearing for a loving partner (my teenage self of me is still cringing at this while I type >W<) .
So what are some ways to quench off this particular thrist (without, obviously, getting a gf)?
Note: I will look for a gf in the long run for sure, I’m only looking at alternative ways of dealing with these feelings.
Oh, you mean, you’re lonely? That’s tough. People tend to invest in themselves when they’re going through periods of being single and also try to make new friends.
You’re not really giving us much information to go on, but to me it just sounds like you’re kinda lonely and finally found someone you really like.
Is there a reason you haven’t gotten more serious with this person online? Is it like a long distance thing? Have you told them how you feel at all?
Oh, sorry for not being clearer. I had a fight with this online friend of mine, and have gone no-contact for few months now. I tried reconnecting but they seem to have moved on. Sucks, I miss her but it is what it is.
The lonely part is true. I have people around me everyday but not the ones who can I share everything with. You can only share so much with your family.
I don’t know what your particular social situation is but I’d say it’s time to go out and maybe meet some new people? You’re pretty young and it sounds like you spend a lot of time online it might be good to get out in the world where you can have experiences with people your own age if you can. You’re right it can for sure be weird talking to your parents about this stuff
It sounds like you really liked your friend online but if they’re not willing to talk any longer it’s definitely time to move on and try to make those connections somewhere else
You’re right I don’t go out often and much rather spend my days at home online. I work now and so I’m daily put in social situations and wow some people are just outright terrible. There some sweet people out there but these terrible people just want to ruin everyone’s experience. I struggle at keeping my boundaries and hence made my irl social experiences much worse.
But I’ll keep trying. Thanks.
Like the other person said, find an IRL hobby or volunteer work that’s both social and you’d enjoy at least a bit … better if it’s a hobby that attracts the sort of people you’re likely to get on with (for example, amongst other things I do target shooting, and it’s mostly right-leaning men so I don’t use it as a social outlet).
Even if you only say hi and bye to people, over time it builds into acquaintances, and from that maybe friendship.
IRL friendship is as important to us human animals as falling in love, and is much easier. The more IRL connection you make, the more likely you are to find someone special.
But this does require effort!
The best advice I can give you there is to try and find some people who share a common interest and strike up a conversation? That was how I made most of my friends I knew from work and we used to go out for drinks after work or sometimes someone would have a party where I would always meet new people
I wish I could give you some better advice than that but when I was in my 20s social media was still a new thing and everyone still met up and shared stuff IRL 🤷♂️
Kinda just sounds like the new-ish reality of younger and terminally online folks who have passed on IRL relationships and are just experiencing things you probably should have through normal socializing in your teens.
These are breakup feelings. You just have to feel it, recognize what it is, understand what it is, and work through it CONSTRUCTIVELY. Don’t be a fucking dick, don’t get overly emotional. It might suck, but it’s not the first or last time you’ll feel it if you’re feeling it now. Just try and go about your life, fix mistakes, keep your other relationships healthy, and you’ll eventually find another situation that works better for you.
True. I really missed out on the average teenage experiences thinking it would be beneficial for me not to indulge in such experiences to focus on my studies. In the end, I didn’t get much out of the studies either lol as I couldn’t land a job in my specialisation.
Sucks to suck but I have come to terms on this as not everyone’s teenage experiences have to the same and it’s fine if I end up on the shorter end of the stick. There’s a lot more to life (hopefully) than just your student days.
Yeah, I assumed these are feelings of a breakup and I’ll just try to keep myself busy till time heals everything. Thanks.
One dose of realism here: time doesn’t heal anything. The experiences you have during that time contextualize your current experience.
So if you spend years waiting for the feeling to subside to do something else, nothing will change. You have to get out there and have new experiences that help you make sense of the existing ones.
Hobbies that involve scheduled events where you interact with others help a lot.
Let’s see there’s work, exercise, hooking up with strangers, masturbation, and alcohol. Maybe get a dog. And, if you work a lot and have extra money you can spend that on crap to fill the void for a minute. I suppose you could try to start a hobby, but beware, that does take away from doom scrolling time.
I’m having the same problem. Do let me know if you find a solution.
I’m you in 10 years except I got the high paying job after sacrificing my 20s. In the short term, these waves will wash over you and go away so just bear them out and do something in the meanwhile to feel fulfilled.
Also, introspect some about how much putting off a gf is about your goals and how much of this is avoidance. Given you probably don’t have kids or other obligations outside of studying, you could probably date now.
