I’m trying to retake the medication that I took back in high school (Concerta) so I can study for and eventually take the Comptia A+ exam. The idea being that I’ve a decently-paying remote job that will benefit both my wife and I. My wife, however, refuses to let me get my meds. This isn’t the first we’ve had this conversion and every time she says the same thing: “You just need to focus naturally”, “It’s all in your head”, “Doctors are only in it for themselves” and so on. There’s no getting through to her and I’m tired of trying to get to reason with me. I think I’m going to get my meds in secret and hide them. I know that this is a bad idea but she leaves me no choice. Any advice?
“This is my health and I’m going to speak about this with a doctor. I love you and appreciate your perspective, but this is my decision to make. If any changes as a result of this impact you, we can discuss them, but I’ve made my decision and I expect you to respect it the same as I respect the decisions you make about your health.”
The fact that she thinks she gets to decide what medications you get to take is nuts to me. This is a boundary it’s very worth building and maintaining. If side effects impact her then you can negotiate, but it’s your body. You have the autonomy to decide what happens to it. She’s just a trusted advisor on the matter of your body.
Ask her if she would have similar statements about a broken leg.
Also, honestly, having a partner deny something so present in life is horrible. Imagine her saying that about virtually any physically presenting disease or ailment, would it be acceptable?
Not going to comment on the meds, but if you are just taking A+ in hopes it will help get jobs, I’m not sure it’s the best time spent. I’ve been in IT for over a decade, and no one ever cares about A+ cents. Some of the worst techs I’ve interviewed have had A+, and some of the best did not.
If you focus more of building random projects, setup a homelab for example, I think you’ll gain a lot more real world knowledge which goes a long way in interviews.
I’d say do both. Get the cert, but do cool shit in your spare time.
Not in IT, but I’m convinced ive been hired many times because I do a lot of interesting stuff people find useful, like repair cars (simple maintenance to full on engine rebuilds and some body work), read a lot of books, recording and mixing music, repairing electronics etc. It shows them right off that I’m a problem solver who is agile, which is what they really want.
Some of the worst technical people I’ve ever worked with had bachelor degrees in computer science, so there is that.
Are any of the other certs better, like the Sec+?
Honestly not really, having them might help you get an interview, but if there is a more knowledgeable candidate that doesn’t have any certs at all, it’s likely they will still be chosen.
The best thing you can do is just be curious. Do you like networking? Setup some vlans at home and truly try to understand how they work. Don’t just memorize the steps you need to set one up.
More interested in server admin? Setup Proxmox on an old laptop, host a simple website on it. Figure out how reverse proxies work, and what they are used for.
There’s essentially endless paths you can take, just find something you think is cool and learn a ton about it. Interviewers can easily tell if you are passionate and knowledgeable, and those trump any certs 99% of the time.
Get your prescribed medication and maybe a new partner
You are being abused. Get your meds.
Hey, OP here. Thank you all for your advice. Many of you give great advice that I will take into consideration. I decided to make this single comment to address everyone rather than respond individually to comments. Despite what my original post might insinuate, my wife isn’t a terrible person. She’s a very wonderful and sweet person. We have a great relationship the vast majority of the time. It’s just that the topic of my ADHD meds is a sticking point. Much of this is informed by her religious background and worldview in addition to her experiences of childhood lupus and the baggage that it came with.
With that said, I’m going to take action over my own health, as many of you have said. I’m going to take my meds again. I want to change my life for the better and she’s going to have to respect it. Once she realizes that it’s going to help me get my life back together (and, by extension, improve our lives together), she might come to terms with my neurodivergent condition.
Thank you all, once again, for the advice and any new advice that might come after I post this comment!
I have a friend who was in similar situation.
Your wife does not decide if you need medicine or not. Doctors do. I don’t know if you should take your meds in secret or right in front of her, you should do whatever you think is best for you in this situation, but you need to be taking your meds.
What helped me convince some people that ADHD is not a made up problem was the pictures on Wikipedia’s ADHD entry (in Polish) showing some difference on PET scans of regular person brain and ADHD brain. Showing people that and saying there’s literally a difference in a brain you can actually see made them think twice
Tell her she’s wrong in all points, courtesy of someone also affected who has a aunt like this. And also, wife or not, that’s your body and your future, not hers. If she can’t accept that, it smells like trouble.
And also, show her this:
Tell your doctor about the issue with your wife. They can help advocate for you.
What is she really preventing you from in her mind? Like is the concern that the medication is expensive? Or the long term damage if taking said drugs? I would start with addressing those concerns.
She might also be concerned about the addictive nature of most stimulants.
Ah yes. Super addictive. So addictive, in fact, that I regularly need to refill my 30 day prescription like 45 days late.
I’ll never understand the 30 day thing. I can’t get more than 30 days at a time either but my son with the same insurance but different doctor has no issues doing 90 days.
“You just need to focus naturally”, “It’s all in your head”, “Doctors are only in it for themselves”
What if you struggled to see? Would she try to talk you out of glasses?
I’m sorry that you are in this position. She shouldn’t be controlling you like this. I’d recommend doing some level of couples counseling, this isn’t really an issue with your medication but your right to control your own body and life.
First of all, fuck her. Not in the nice way. She has clearly shown she is not your partner but an active enemy. If she does this to your face, just imagine what she is capable of behind your back. No counseling will help. This is basic human decency, which she clearly lacks. Don’t give her the chance to harm you even worse. Run.
She refuses to let you get meds? This is extremely controlling behavior which sounds very concerning. You deserve bodily autonomy. If your wife were a man, this would immediately be called abuse.
I agree with the other comments saying to get counseling and not take your meds in secret.
Advice? Couples counseling. If that doesn’t work, divorce. Your health should not be under scrutiny from someone who thinks it’s “all in your head.” This is one of those molehills that will become an insurmountable mountain.
If they made you change significantly in a way that affected your relationship I would see her point of view, but as it stands she sounds like a ADHD healthcare negationist.
No shit it’s all in your head, that doesn’t mean you don’t need help! Meds are help!
Yeah ADHD is all in your head, but so is brain cancer.
Agreed, my point is that that sentence is not a critique, it being on our head doesn’t make it any less valid.
