Would you ever straight up say to your son, ‘You are a disappointment’?
If they were a triple Trumper, yes.
But in all seriousness, you’re a disappointment sounds like a line from a movie, real life doesn’t really do dialog like that.
i would say that’s a terrible parent. glad mine’s not.
I’d be disappointed to find I had one. I’d be a terrible mother and my wife would be even worse!
if they were hateful. punching down types. maga. racists. yeah, yeah, I would.
No. “Being a disappointing,” yes. “A disappointment,” no.
The difference is one is a fixable behaviour, and the other is an identity.
It’s extremely hard to imagine but yeah there are lines.
If they were disappointing, maybe. Like I’m not gonna lie and say I’d love my kid even if they turned out to be a racist, sexist, nazi piece of shit. But I mean, I’d also be disappointed in myself for raising such a bastard.
Never. My son is a person I could never have imagined. I don’t see what relevance my expectations of him are to anyone or anything. I’m not sure I ever had any.
Why should I? Our children are not products we purchased or objects we crafted. They are new beings coming into the universe under our care but for a while.
You discharge that responsibility on their behalf. That’s it. Of course that means setting standards for them to meet, but even this discipline you do for their own sake. You don’t get expect them to be anything.
That’s negotiating with fate - about as pointless as negotiating with death.
No, but I would say something like “I am very dissapointed in you for doing X”. A kid can’t change who they “are”, but they can change what they “do”.
This is a key distinction. To make sure they understand it properly, I usually push it even further to “You did a disappointing thing.”
Those are the same things. You are what you do.
If you don’t want to be X, than don’t do X.
You can choose and change what you do.
You can’t choose or change what you are.
If you get confused about do / be just refer back to those rules and you’ll know which one applies.
Correlation is not causation
we’re talking about people dude. we are not talking about scientific principles.
people claim want to be healthy and then engage in unhealthy behaviors. they are unhealthy. what they do is what defines them, not what they desire to be.
Yes we are talking about people. People can be held accountable for their actions and people can change their ways if they make mistakes. You’re saying that people cannot change. If they bought a tesla, they’re nazis, so fuck them.
I’m not saying any of that. But please keep telling me more about myself. Clearly you know everything…
That’s the point though. I’m not telling you anything about yourself. I’m telling you about what you’re saying. I’m not assuming anything about who you are or aren’t.
No, you are misrepresenting what I’m saying to make it look extreme and stupid. It’s called straw-manning.
Hell no.
I would send him the following:
I’d be quick to change my ways if Mr. Incredible said that to me
I was called lesser so kinda the same thing. I never use that word cause it’s reserved for tywin Lannister type of dudes lol
My kid is a dream. I was an older Dad, and I worried about dealing with a teenager during my 50s, but he has always been level headed. We never had to deal with drug, alcohol, smoking, no pregnancy scares, nothing. He got great grades, really talented, a school leader without even trying. He could be a little lazy, I used to have to remind him that he couldn’t be a slacker because his peers were watching him.
No, unless they became a pedophile, serial killer, rapist or something extreme like that
wouldnt that be the fault of the parent for not monitoring the upbring of thier children.
probably i dunno, i hate kids
Or an influencer.
depends on what they do. theres 2 types, a rich influencer (the most common as most of them tend to come from upper middle class and beyond) and the “semi not come from money ones”. if they produce greed slop likes of mr beast or become a uninformed political influencer than that would be a disappointment.
Being a pedophile isn’t a choice, it’s a psychological dysfunction. Acting on that impulse is a crime and something to be punished - or treated in a medical facility.
Thank you for saying that. I have worked with MAPs (minor attracted people), and majority of them do not want to offend, and understand they can never act on their desires. They were actively seeking treatment and felt suicidal because of their attraction.
Also I learned that about half (?) of sexual acts on minors aren’t even done by people with pedophilia but because the victims seemed to be vulnerable - so less likely to fight back or tell someone.
I am not sure about the actual numbers, but what you describe absolutely happens, more often than people realize. These fucks go after vulnerable people.
I dont care. If my hypothetical son that will never be born turns into a pedophile and has sex with children, then i will call them a dissapointment.
I wouldn’t have children because I’m not a selfish psychopath.
I once explored the hypothetical of what would make me abandon the love for one of my kids. I went with something awful: imagine we found out they were a gruesome serial killer in secret. I decided after pondering it that I would continue to love and support them even through that. No one else would, rightfully so. But I think it is my duty even when the rest of humanity has abandoned them.
Writing this I thought of a variation. Instead of a serial killer, what if they murdered my spouse or one of their siblings. I’ll have to ponder that. I’d like to think I’d have the same unconditional love but I’m really not sure. In that case I might have to admit that I’m disappointed in them.
