Most days I sort of feel like I’m empty and I’m not really sure what to do about it. I want to be better and hopefully find some sense of direction, motivation, or fulfillment. I could definitely use some advice and help, please and thank you!
Compass.
Start trying to do things you feel you must do. Those dead end friends? Fuck them, remove them, they haven’t amounted a damn thing in your life for a long time and all they want to do is just do the same routines for years.
I actually am hoping for the opposite of cutting people out lol. I don’t really have any friends and would like to make one 🙂
In that case, get out where people are. Best situation is to join a sports team or some other club based around an activity.
Perhaps you have some hobby or interest that you always wanted to do something about. Now is the time.
Or flip it upside down: check in your area (library? local newspaper?) to see what is going on in your area. Maybe somethings tickles your interest? If in doubt, check it out.
Just keep going. I’ve struggled with my depression for 15 years, and the main thing I’ve learned is that there is no magic bullet. The only way out is through. Do what you have to do to keep your life together, and eventually you’ll find direction again.
So much this. If you’re in a hole, a big focus is to just get through the day. Every day you continue to exist, is a wonderful middle finger to the void. If a day is easy, then a week. This is progress worth celebrating. Celebrate yourself and your continued victory over the things that unsuccessfully tried to hold you back.
I’m sorry to hear. I hope you’re doing okay now, or at least hanging in there.
Thanks! Hanging in there!
Choose something difficult, and stick with it. Start running, lifting weights, learn a musical instrument, write a book, learn a language, read classic literature, study classical music, join a community theater group, etc. Do something that takes effort, but also shows progress, and will impress others, but mostly will impress YOURSELF as you track your improvement.
Before long, you’ll show success, and you and others will notice it, and be proud of you. You’ll feel a lot better about yourself, and you’ll have something substantial in your life.
I do read quite a bit and used to run, but I can’t find the willpower to do it anymore for some reason. I feel like that with everything - I start things but lose momentum rapidly.
When I was at my lowest, in an intensive outpatient program, our homework was to go for a walk, outside in nature, for 20-30 minutes a day. Treat it as a must do. Like if the only thing I did was get outside and walk, that was a successful day. Try it for a few weeks. If you miss a day, just try to get out there the next day. It can help stabilize your mood and gives you time and space to process and develop a sense of direction (literal and metaphorical, of course).
That’s the point, you have to power past that hurdle, and keep going, because those hurdles are going to keep coming up. That’s why it feels so good as you progress, and you can take pride in your improvement.
It has to be something difficult, that most people WOULD give up on. That’s what makes it worthwhile, makes you feel better, and makes you a better person.
Try looking into anhedonia and talk to a therapist.
Sometimes just taking small steps and forcing yourself a little bit every day, something starts to take hold.
The vast majority of people are wired to get a dopamine boost from helping others.
Doesn’t matter how you do it, can be as inconsequential as noob sitting in a video game, or real world productive like volunteering at a soup kitchen.
But it’ll help.
Is there anything you enjoy doing? I could use some inspiration
My wife and I take near daily walks through our neighborhood. One day we decided on a whim to take a couple bags with us and pick up trash as we walked. Ended up turning into an impromptu competition and we were laughing our asses off by the time we finished the 1.5 mile loop and got back to our house. We dumped about four bag loads of litter in our garbage can, and now we do it once every few times we walk. We couldn’t believe how nice it was just to walk around and not see litter for once! Just an idea :)
Everyone’s different.
The Humane Society is a great place to start, but you can also just be cognizant of your surroundings and put effort into helping people when they seem to need it. You don’t need to change anything else, just “be a helper”.
Just do something you haven’t done before, even if you’re not or just barely interested in it. But most of the time, we all have things we always wanted to do but a plethora of things stopped us from doing it: stigma, fear, lazyness, whatever.
Just go do it, even if you think it’ll suck. Almost guaranteed, it will not suck. Very likely, you’ll find something you love doing.
What sorts of things do you like to do or have you tried in the past?
Play theater, start a software business, be a twitch streamer/youtuber, psychoanalyze my trauma, go scuba diving, learn how to talk to people, study economics, have lots of sex, help people around me, craft decorations for my apartment, improve my rationality, play lots of different video games, learn the piano, throw a really big party… Obviously not all at the same time, but this is still just an excerpt, it just feels like there’s just so much to do you can’t run out
The best part about all of this were the people you meet while doing these things, especially as a socially incredibly anxious person like me. Not all people are amazing, but I got to find some of them, restoring my faith and building an amazing set of friends.
Find somewhere you can volunteer. Doesn’t have to be with something you’re interested in, but it helps.
I’ve been considering this a lot but really hesitate to commit for whatever reason. I think I’m worried I will not enjoy volunteering and then I’ll feel terrible about abandoning a good cause and failing at yet another thing 😕
I think it’s just about finding out where you like making a difference. Try out different stuff. I realized I didn’t enjoy volunteering because I found it to be too slow, and also I don’t like donating blood. So instead I donate to charities (e.g. https://www.againstmalaria.com/) where a little money really goes a long way.
Find some organizations you’d be interested in volunteering with and pull up their websites to find out what they need. Some will list it on their websites, but for others you might have to send an email or submit an application first. Yes, some organizations will ask their volunteers for a minimum commitment since training takes effort, but others will have opportunities for you to commit one day at a time.
A friend of mine volunteers at a local food bank and also a tiny home building group, and just signs up for random shifts here & there when their availability matches the scheduling needs. Me personally, I’ve been volunteering to foster cats for years now. The organization I’m with also needs volunteers for a variety of administrative roles, driving/transportation, and trapping (TNR). There’s another group I’ve been meaning to check out that just does some park maintenance once a month, and their info page says “no RSVP necessary”, so you can just show up.
Start small; don’t commit to always being there; just do drop-ins. Or contribute to a github project. There’s lots of ways to volunteer that don’t involve running the program.
when you’re lacking direction in life?
Buy a map and a compass.
🗺️🧭
I’m ready to go. What now?
And try orienteering
I can’t find the store though…
Fire a flare up in the air.
Some recommendations that have changed my life and many others’:
- Learn to WOOP, by Gabrielle Oettingen. I’d that fails,
- Learn about the Procrastination Equation and CSI-Approach, by Piers Steel. If that fails,
- Read and internalize A Liberated Mind by Steven C. Hayes. I’d recommend this even if the above don’t fail.
Please let me know if you have questions :)
I’ve added A Liberated Mind to my reading list and bumped it up to the top. I’m not usually a fan of self-help but it seems like it might be good for me. Thank you! 🙂
I recently started trying to teach myself rust.
Maybe you could make yourself a silly tamagotchi game?
Programming seems interesting but I don’t know how much more time I can spend sitting in front of a screen each day before I start pulling my eyeballs out of my skull lol
I go talk to my therapist and get better about remembering my meds.
I mean I’m on the same boat lol
I just…
Write stories…
Poetry…
I’m writing my memoir right now…
Not sure if I’d end up having any readers when/if I do publish…
Also thinking of potential novel ideas to write about…
Re: memoir, I like to think that each of us is some group of alien’s favorite TV show. That we all have invisible fans rooting us on. Like if they’re outside time and space they can just check out the Akashic Records and watch any of our shows and they’ll be like “omg I loved when you xyz that one time!” when they fan mob us after we die 😂
If I may comment preemptively…
I’m a big fan of ellipses, but we must know their limits.
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Don’t do that if you’re Russian…
or American…
💀
