I also think its super hard to find them. Most people are nice but you dont feel a true connection.

But yeah, as others have said, group up with people who enjoy the same things you do, and you have a bigger chance of finding your tribe of people.

There’s a reason so many people who suffer from chronic loneliness are told to first join some kind of socially-integrated hobby, activity, or group: Doing something you already enjoy, in the company of other people who enjoy the same thing, is likely to bring you people you are more likely to vibe with.

One of the best possible ways to start actually finding people you enjoy being around is to go to activities that involve people with a similar set of interests to you. For example, if I go to my local hackerspaces/makerspaces, I’m going to find a fuck ton of people who are interested in the same technology as me, and that means I’m probably gonna find people that have similar interests overall.

The main problem is that with the major reduction in third places, and with things becoming more and more costly to do, (e.g. my nearest makerspace costs over $100/mo to be a part of) it’s hard to actually get into those social circles where you can meet people that you’ll actually like being around.

Meeting other people’s friends groups (as you described meeting your partner’s friends) is a great way to shortcut that awkwardness. Its not just that someone else has done the hard work of filtering folks out, but that people are just on better form when with friends. Part of the problem of making friends in random social events is most people are either a bit awkward or putting on a social ‘mask’, which makes it harder to actually identify the people you’d like once you got past that.

My wife social circle has a bunch of people who entered as someone’s partner for a whole, but stayed friends with us after they broke up (even if there was a delicate period post-split where we hung out with them both, but never together).

This so much. My depressed ass with social anxiety is getting more and more lonely everyday.

You have to keep searching. If you don’t try, you won’t get it.

Shit is awkward sometimes but great. You’re right, finding people who are that right amount is difficult. Find them.

It’s only when you start to learn to be happy alone, is when other people want to be around you.

Yeah it’s hard to stay motivated when you keep on meeting just acquaintances

I guess it’s like a good doctor or therapist you gotta just keep on trying and hope you find one among all the rest…

Try a revolution of the mind. Instead of looking for people who vibe with you, try to identify people with whom you can vibe. Instead of trying to get people to like you, allow yourself to like someone else. Then give that person a small compliment about the thing you like about them. “I like this guy’s jokes.” They will understand that you’re a fan, and you will have a mew friend.

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