Honestly I’ve never had that issue.

One of my favourite things to do at a holiday get-together is hijack the TV with my MacBook. Most people think Apple stuff only talks to other Apple stuff in the Ecosystem/Walled Garden and that Android is some rebel front against Apple. Most people are also fucking stupid. If I’m on your WiFi and you have a smart TV, best believe I can take that shit over with like two clicks. My family has one of those TVs, I think it’s a Roku? where if you don’t watch anything, it goes to this city skyline screensaver with billboards advertising the streaming services it has? Like there’s a Netflix billboard, there’s a Disney+ one, you might even see one for Apple TV at some point. But it’s just a looping video. When I see that — nobody’s picking something — I pull out the MacBook, find a movie, and cast to it. Nobody questions why the TV did that without anyone touching the remote.

Last time, it was KPop Demon Hunters. Maybe a couple people assumed I had something to do with it, but within minutes, all the kids were occupied with it. By the second or third song, even the adults were singing along (I was playing the Sing-Along version). It was great. Might do it again. I can’t just put on anything. It has to hook a few people, which in turn draws others.

So, distraction.

Also, I sit at the kids’ table. They have far more interesting conversations. And there’s always some kid, almost always a girl, usually one around 7-12, who will tell me I don’t belong there. Like some little Philosopher’s Stone-year Hermione, some little know-it-all. I’ll wait until none of the other adults are looking, and she’ll catch a pea or a carrot slice to the face, look at me, and see my look of “I’ll do it again” on my face. That usually settles it. Once in a while it turns into a food fight, which I never get blamed for because I know when to stop.

We only do these whole-family get-togethers a few times a year. It’s usually a good time. But honestly, by the end of the day I just wanna take my pants off and wind down watching TV (at home I mean, and we don’t have kids so I don’t mean anything weird). Get tired of people after a while. Even the fun ones. But the time I gotta be there? I make it work for me.

Earplugs, and alcohol from the start.

Fake musculo-skeletal injury - sprained ankle would do - where for rehab you have to get up and walk a few thousand steps in a row 2-3 times a day - gives you an excuse to beep your watch at any time and go out for a walk for medical reasons.

Be honest before inviting them, that if they behave that way they should stay away. Any suicidal ideation should be discussed with their psychiatrist. There is no shame in cutting ties with toxic people.

Bring an airhorn and blast it every time they say something undesirable.

Or visably put in noise canceling headphones when they start talking.

greyrock that shit. they want to troll the libs, if you react to their fascist shit it’s giving them what they want.

And then goes into a weeks-long suicidal despair if you try to leave the conversation? Any way to deal with that?

It’s always easier said than done, but I don’t engage with people who use suicide as a threat or bring it up as a regular thing. It’s too exhausting. Life is just too short to deal with that. Not everybody deserves your nuance. Not everybody deserves your time. Especially if they just want to belittle you by saying they’re suicidal as a defense mechanism.

Eh, his invitation got lost in the mail?

I mean, it sounds like a joke, but I’m serious. Why are you inviting this person? Just because you happen to share some DNA does not mean you’re obligated to spend any time with them whatsoever. If you wouldn’t accept certain behavior from your chosen family/friends, then you don’t have to accept it from “real” family either.

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Slap your knees , say “whelp…” then stand up and walk away.

Turn it into a drinking game with your cooler family members…like, “Every time uncle dan says something racist, take a drink”

You could try bring an overactive listener. Ask a lot of questions “What does that mean?” “Can you give examples?” if you time them right, it’ll completely mess up his for when he’s monologuing.

Or, at the very least, you can have fun trying to see who can ask the stupidest question about Uncle Dave’s obsession.

Just politely say “I don’t want to talk about that, let’s talk about tv shows, what’s your favorite comedy right now?” (Or whatever other mutually fun topic you want to talk about.) If he tries to keep talking about the topic just repeat that you’re not gonna talk about that and offer a second new topic. If he still wants to keep talking about it say “alright I’m gonna go talk to someone else about a different topic, I’ll catch you later”, then walk away from him. If he gets sad because of that then it’s not your fault or responsibility

I don’t talk with that part of ny family. As in, zero contact.

Do not get together with family.

I am hosting a Friendsgiving at my business this year for friends. Other than my wife and kid’s, no family was invited. If I wanted to deal with them I would go to their thing.

Someone who becomes suicidal because you won’t listen to them rant is addicted to power and control. You’d ultimately be doing them a favor helping them wean themselves off it. You can’t be responsible for someone’s actions in this state. It’s a diametric opposite to, say, someone who is depressed/suicidal because they cannot afford food. They do not need you to listen to them. Tell them to fuck off.