A bunch.

Two while snowboarding. First time I hit some rocks that were hidden in fresh snow. When I checked my helmet, a rock had pierced it in the back of my head. It was easily a fatal hit had I not had my helmet on. The second time I accidentally rode off a cliff (took the wrong line). I landed on my back in powder but a snapped branch was sticking up two inches below my left arm pit. Had I fallen four inches to the left, it would have impaled me through the heart.

I lost count how many while surfing. Lost a surfer I was trying to rescue and almost drowned myself.

Oddly, never while downhill skateboard racing.

Twice while riding a motorcycle.

Once in a car. A pickup hydroplaned on the interstate right ahead of me. It went in the ditch, overcorrected and came right at my door at speed. I turned my wheel into it so it wouldn’t t-bone me but instead I missed it entirely and all I got was mud on my car and in my underware.

Blockage in three of my four main heart arteries. Two were 99% blocked. It required four emergency stents in my heart. I should be dead for sure from that one but a little voice in my head told me to skip the boat trip and go to the ER because I felt “funny”.

Stage 3 cancer. Beat it but lost my singing voice. Fuck cancer.

My company went full time “work from home” in 2012 and we are specialists that are only brought in when everyone else has fucked up. So basically, I am on call 24/7/365.

You’re thinking boomer so you are off by ~20 years.

Microbiome changes can do this.

I am 51. When I started working my job was 9-5 with a one hour lunch an unofficial 30 minute coffee break and about four unofficial ten minute smoke breaks.

“Out, damned spot; out, I say.”

I have definitely used “are you fucking me”. I was indeed being fucked and not in a pleasant way.

*Truth

May they have a happy and healthy child.

Me: “I am so tired of exaggerated and sensational headlines.”

*reads article*

Me: “Well…fuck.”

This is awful.

I can see a dragon also fitting the requirement for people that suffer from giraffophobia.

Depending on where you live, you can also have the cool neon aesthetic.

It will only when you know, deep in your heart, that it is never gonna happen. Hope is cruel.

Sometimes extreme low self-esteem can lead you to give up on “scoring” so you start talking to beautiful people with no hang ups. It’s not like you have a chance, right? Might as well enjoy their company, even if it’s just for friends. Suddenly you realize you have tons in common and you like their company. You hang out together every day. They are such a good friend. Then one day they say “hey”, look at you straight in the eyes, and kiss you.

We’ve been together for thirty years last August.

It’s been a rough week or so.

It likely buried itself deep into the ground after it dropped from the bomber and failed to detonate.

You’re always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.

And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.

Gen-X in tech here. When I was about to enter the workforce we were told that having multiple jobs in our resume or showing that we stayed at a job less than five years was really bad and would make us difficult to hire because it showed that we couldn’t be depended on.

Fuck that!

I switched jobs all the time as I chased higher salaries and bigger benefits. If they wanted my skills they needed to pay me AND they needed to guarantee me at least two off-site training programs per year. All that training and experience in different technologies and environments made me more and more valuable until my only option was to go into consulting so that multiple clients could benefit at once and none need to commit to paying me beyond the scope of their project.

Nonplussed…that takes me back.

I was educated in a private school for British ex-pats run by a very old and very posh couple. This was the early eighties and they were already in their seventies, so definitely from a different era. Because of this and because of the size of our school (my entire year consisted of nine kids) we ended up quite odd. Up until highschool we had a mild but “poshy” London accent and words like vexing, nonplussed, providential, etc., peppered our vocabulary. Then my family moved to Louisiana followed by Texas and that shit went right out.

Also, the word is aluminium. It is NOT aluminum!