Because I don’t, and pretending to feels dishonest. I’ll listen if they want to talk about it, but I’m not going to act interested, and I certainly won’t ask about it on my own. What I’m trying to figure out is whether people actually care, or if they’re just playing a social game that I’m simply not interested in.
I’m probably on the autistic spectrum, which likely explains this to some extent. But that’s not an excuse - being an asshole is perfectly compatible with autism, so before dunking on me, please realise I probably agree with your criticism.
Do you consider yourself these people’s friend?
If you’re completely disinterested in their milestones, that sounds more like an acquaintance.But to your question, yes. I actually care about these things for acquaintances and random people too. There are limits to how much I care but it’s not zero.
This just happened to me today. I was talking with a colleague and recalled that they had just gone on a short trip with their partner. First time away from the kids.
I asked how it was, I was a couple weeks overdue but they excitedly told me about it. It felt good to ask, did it change my day? Not really that much.
But this person was excited to share (a few weeks ago) their excitement and anticipation with me. So when I asked how it went, they got a chance to relive it and share with me the results.
All in all, they cared enough to share, I cared enough to ask and at the end of it, I felt good. I got to share in their excitement and make a person feel heard and valued AND they got to relive the excitement again.
Im generally happy when good things happen to my friends. What you learn in the long run is to keep those things to your self. When we go on vacation only my close family knows. Any big steps in life are better taken alone and then celebrated after.
I do care. It makes them happy, I want them to be happy, so transitively, yes.
My friend? I care. Randos? Fuck no.
For most people, yes.
For my best friend, no. The reason is that he and his wife really wanted a kid, and they got everything together and had one. He is the happiest new father I’ve ever seen.
My wife and I don’t want kids, and have taken permanent action to make sure we don’t. In part, this is because we understand the responsibility that would be carried for years. We have other things we want to do with our lives. So for someone else to have full knowledge of that responsibility and embrace it gets respect from me.
So I’m in my mid-50s, and I’ve honestly only come up with genuine lasting interest in my friends’ lives in the last few years.
I noticed that I’d get together with friends and they’d say “hey, how did your kid’s sportsball tournament go back in July?” What struck me about it is that they cared enough to actually hear what I said, and remember it - not because they have a deep abiding interest in my kid’s life, but because they cared about me and the things that were important to me.
And I wasn’t repaying the care.
So I’ve tried to change. When people tell me stuff about their kids or vacation, I make a concerted effort to remember it and remember the significance of it, because the fact that it’s important to the people I care about means that to some degree, I care about it as well.
I AM nice, so I generally hope the people around me are having a good time, but that’s not really much to think about so I’m generally thinking about anything else.
for the duration of our contact i am concerned for their well being. beyond that they usually spend less time in my mind than the current rerun of grimm
Yes, I do. Because I care about my friends. I’m eager to share in their excitement over their vacation or adventure. As far as their kids go, I don’t really care about a baby, but I do care about their toddlers on up. It’s really neat watching another sentient creature develop, who is based off of someone you know and love, and to see what sort of person they turn into.
Very, very, VERY few people actually care about other people’s kids. And that interest only goes up slightly when they are related to the child.
Nothing wrong with you feeling that way.
As for vacations, life events, etc., I’m interested in knowing what goes on in my friend’s lives… that’s kind of what having a friend is about.
BUT… I’m interested in hearing about these things face to face. I couldn’t care less if they’re just social media spam about what they did with their spouse. That’s one reason why I stopped using social media.
I dunno. I always ask my friends what their kids are up to and am interested to hear. It’s usually entertaining or enlightening. I love talking about my kid and most parents are the same way. Tho I have a few friends who don’t feel comfortable talking about their kids for various reasons so I don’t ask them.
I think your characterization is probably somewhat incorrect. I care, and I have seen other parents care. Maybe single childless people don’t care, but this is not always the case.
I care about other people’s kids. I want them housed, fed, clothed, etc.
I want my tax dollars to improve other’s lives so they have what they need to be self-actualized human beings.
I won’t let them get hurt at the playground if I can help it.
I watch them when they cross the street to make sure they do it safely.
I have little ones myself and I believe it takes a village. I’m also 37 and a German/US dual national. I was raised to care, and the societal standards for the US are not a one size fits all definition globally. My wife is Latina and her family is friendly to all children and show lots of care. Germans watch out for others’ kids as they walk to school or play on the playground. It’s disappointing to hear that the fake niceness of the US really is fake here but not very surprising. You truly can’t relate to each other. I am glad I’m moving out next year.
Yes yes. I know this is the internet and kids bad, but I do enjoy when a child smiles or has a small victory. And I enjoy seeing my friend’s children be friends with mine and grow up together.
TLDR some of us care and love to see pictures and hear about your kids.
I care about other people’s kids. I want them housed, fed, clothed, etc.
I want my tax dollars to improve other’s lives so they have what they need to be self-actualized human beings.
I won’t let them get hurt at the playground if I can help it.
I watch them when they cross the street to make sure they do it safely.
Oh geeze, yeah, I hope that what I wrote didn’t come off as “not caring” about the wellbeing of other people’s children, because that’s absolutely not what I meant!
What I mean is that most people don’t get excited about when someone else’s child just spoke their first word, or took their first step. They really don’t, because it’s not a milestone that impacts that person’s life in any meaningful way.
When someone sends you baby picture after baby picture, or their kid’s school trip photos… nobody actually “cares” about those things. It occupies no space in their head past that brief moment they were told about it. That’s what I mean.
If those things make you happy, there’s nothing wrong with that, either!
Do cute kids put a smile on my face? Of course. But do I care that an acquaintance’s child now uses the potty? Not. At. All.
Thanks for clarifying. Seems I misread your intent. Apologies for that. Take care.
Totally agree, when it’s on social media, I don’t care at all about it, just another thing to upvote and scroll on by
If I’m talking to them, whole different story, because then it’s more personable
Kids? Not really. But if I didn’t care about stuff in their life then I don’t think we’re really friends.
I like seeing my friends happy. I like talking about my cats.
I care. Sometimes it’s a bit boring but I love my friends and sometimes put a little work in to keep the connection.
I’m another maybe-autist. I don’t care at all about babies or whatever, but a vacation might be interesting. Not if their vacation was just to a resort though.
I find it interesting to hear about, was just talking to a somewhat stranger about his holiday today.
