This whole thing is beyond weird… He is not a father, so for fathers day he wants to volunteer at a women’s shelter…
Who volunteers for fathers day? Why not volunteer at a retirement home and do something for men?
I’m purely speculating on this, but it’s possible they don’t have a good relationship with their father (e.g. could have been abusive to their mother) and they therefore want to do something to help women in similar situations rather than honour their father that day.
Thats good speculation, but doesn’t make it any less weird.
Usually in a shelter you’re dealing with traumatized women who no longer feel safe around men. Do they need safe men around to re-learn trust? Yes. Is the point of their first housing after fleeing an abuse situation under enough threat that qualify for a safe house the time for it? No. Most are female staff only.
What you CAN do:
Collect gently used clothing for donation. Many places can use just about all clothing, but I’ve heard requests for business appropriate or interview attire. Undergarments need to be new. Jewelry and accessories are often left behind, don’t forget these.
Collect gently used children’s toys (preferably not noisy ones).
Reach out to the shelter to find out if they have a preferred drop off time, or even better an off-site donation location. While you’re talking to them ask if they’re in need of anything else (food, tools, building materials, baby supplies, etc.)
I’m a guy and inquired at my local women’s shelter. I was told that they’ll always need help moving families out of their homes. So, there’s that. He can be a mover.
The women’s shelter likely needs volunteer work done that’s not specifically at the shelter. This would be a good way for him to volunteer.
Generally, you’re not going to find random men actually volunteering AT the shelter; that would be triggering for some of the abused women who pass through it.
Make sure he has his criminal records check up to date.
Lol I don’t know if it counts he has 6 dwi’s and 1 dui. He now is Arkansas clean, where he quit all hard alcohol and wine and not just drinks about an 8 pack a night but never gets out of control in the bad days. Hasn’t had a DWI or DUI in 6 years.
He’s going nowhere near a women’s shelter without a cr check.
Cant hurt to call and ask but that might be a sensitive thing. Why a woman’s shelter specifically?
Because I had an abusive relationship when I was straight and would get constantly raped by my fiance and I never told anyone until years after it ended. My brothers kind of feel responsible so I guess this is their way of correcting a long ago wrong.
I get the impression there’s more to unpack here. Why does your brother feel responsible for something your ex did and you never told anyone about? I don’t think volunteering at a women’s shelter will solve the problem, there seems to be something more deep seated than that. I think therapy would do much more. He can still support domestic violence victims if he finds this is something he legitimately wants to do (and there are many ways of doing that).
EDIT: you mentioned he had a couple of dwi’s/dui’s… That really sounds more like something where a therapist could help. Again, if there still is a legitimate wish to support domestic violence victims, then that can be looked into then.
A woman’s shelter is not his personal tool. Tell him to stay the fuck away from this stupid and destructive idea.
