Hi, so I have an ex-friend. Things used to go well with us, she was Korean-American and lesbian and talked a lot about the rights of minorities. She then turned to the “Trump side” and all her friends were conservative queer people who later realized they are or are pretending to be straight.
She cut me and a friend off, as did the rest of her friend group. She was racist towards Latinos and black people and was homophobic, calling herself one of the “good lesbians” and calling gay people “pervert queers”. She then started talking behind our backs according to another friend who later blocked them saying:
“Angel and [friend] made me so uncomfortable”
“Yeah, it’s probably because they’re autistic and weird”
“Yeah that must be it, autistic people make me uncomfortable”
Yeah that’s very weird. Especially since being autistic isn’t exclusive to left wingers
Disclaimer: level 1 ASD, low support needs
Was it ableist for my ex-friend to say “[all] autistic people make her uncomfortable “?
… maybe? It is true that the majority of Autistic people (including those with subtle symptoms, maybe especially those since uncanny valley and everything) tend to make NT people uncomfortable whether we like it or not, so just having that thought alone might not say much. I would assume most reasonable people would prefer to keep thoughts like that behind closed curtains even if they have those
As for your ex-friend’s specific case… I think the bigger issue is that your ex-friend was an asshole more than anything else. My understanding is that talking behind someone’s back is a big no for most people. There are… some parts of Asian culture where this type of behavior is more accepted, but if your ex-friend is American then I’m not entirely sure what’s wrong with them
My hot/shit take. It’s not ableist to say any disability makes you uncomfortable. Everybody is entitled to their feelings and discomfort is one of those. What makes it ableist is how you manage that feeling. If this ex-friend as you detailed stats trying to poison other friends against you, that’s bad. If they try to limit only their own interactions with you, even if it costs them friends or otherwise enjoyable times, in an effort to not sour the mood of the group or to avoid their own discomfort, that’s OK.
My philosophy is that everyone is at least a little bit bigoted. It’s simply a matter of to what degree but more importantly how they manage it. If someone is purely racist down to their core, but they do everything they can to avoid minorities and don’t try to spread their views, that’s not terrible. If they understand it’s wrong and try to minimize their impact in that regard, I think that should be allowed. I wouldn’t necessarily say applauded, but certainly not condemned.
The problem is in the breadth of the statement. “All autistic people” covers a massive range of behaviors and presentations. It’s an outright rejection based on a generalized prejudice. Pretty much the definition of bigotry.
Sure. But from my philosophy, everyone is to some degree. The issue becomes what they do with it.
I mean, on the one hand, one of the key features of autism is that they make people feel uncomfortable. This isn’t bigotry, this is the reason autism was investigated and studied in the first place. People on the spectrum make other people uncomfortable by a wide variety of mechanisms— not understanding social cues and not understanding body language being two big ones. That’s practically the definition of autism.
I wouldn’t say that this, alone and isolated from everything else makes her a bigot. But everything else absolutely does.
I don’t think those particular comments, in writing and devoid of tone, not meant for public distribution (and she’s probably not running for political office or something justifying higher scrutiny), necessarily qualify as ableist per se, more skirting the line. I’ve said very dumb things in my youth and context is important, even in chat threads. But the rest of the picture you painted of that person is: asshole. So for my money it doesn’t really matter if she ticked that particular box as well. Stay away.
Yeah, honestly OP asking “is this ablist” is a bit of a red flag given the picture they have painted. If they were an otherwise “nice” person using ablist language, then this language and possible categorization might be a clue to tell us more about who they really are. But if we already know they are a piece of shit… it doesn’t really matter what flavor of -ist they are. Just don’t interact with them. Don’t think about them. Problem solved. More labelling isn’t needed.
Why should abelsim be given latitude that we wouldn’t extend to racism, sexism, or anti-Semitism?
My opinion is that embarrassed bigotry in private is still bigotry. It’s good that those with such feelings recognize the harm that they bring (or at least the public shaming that they can suffer), but it makes for a simpler life to just excise such hatreds whenever you can.
I did not have the feeling that we’re talking about fully formed adults here.
Context matters.
“Men make me uncomfortable.” Could or could not be sexist. It would depend on why one feels uncomfortable and how they act on that feeling.
It’s a very fine line.
Given the additional context provided by OP… yeah she’s definitely ableist.
I actually feel more comfortable around autistic people.
Am I autistic? Is it disabilist of me to say so?
A lot of the time autistic people will just tell you the truth and not hide it between the dumb bullshit “niceties” or whatever. I don’t think I’m autistic but I sure AF prefer direct communication to having to read minds or have a crystal clear understanding of all the intricasies of a culture.
In addition to that, they just have much more interesting things to say. I worked with a guy who was big on math, and spent the whole day explaining complex math theories and interesting math history. Did you know Pythagoras was a major asshole and may have killed someone for disproving one of his theories?
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8992906/
Scientifically, NTs distrust NDs for reasons they can’t really verbalise.
Hence, it is likely she is discriminating against NDs because of their disability. Whether or not discriminating against disabled people is a moral issue in her circles is a different question.
Fuckin’ Hell, was she doing a speedrun, Bigotry All Categories%? Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Yes, obviously.
Yep, hands down. I’m glad you no longer speak to them, screw them.
Yes
Yes. If you belong to the out group and still support the fascists, you’re tying the rope that they’ll hang you with.
