Mine has always been those who can’t make up their mind whether they want to bother with you or not. Like I have someone who, what felt like was pulling teeth almost, to confess whether they were interested in me or not. The best they could say was “I didn’t say I am but I also didn’t say I’m not either”. Like what the hell kind of response is that?
With things like that, I am a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ type of person. Don’t be dicking with my feelings like that. In fact, I would want to hear ‘no’ by this point because that would give me the release to pursue others.
Another peeve is lack of building. I’m huge on building. Pry into my world and I’ll pry into yours, lets learn eachother as much as we can. We can’t learn anything if the conversation is always short-strung by one-wording eachother to death.
Mostly specific to online dating, but: People who dead end a conversation. Like, their profile says they love the author NK Jemisen. I write, “oh, I love her books! Did you read The City We Became? It’s a total love letter to the city”.
They response with, “no”.
Friend, that’s not an effective way to play this game.
If you are not interested in dating, just unmatch. Maybe you swiped by accident or when drunk. I don’t care. I’m not going to remember.
If you are interested in dating, you should put some effort in. If you don’t throw the ball back, you look like you’re either uninterested or incapable. I don’t want to date someone who’s not interested, nor someone who can’t carry a conversation.
You might be thinking, “Well they asked a yes/no question and I answered as such”. Technically true, but not productive. What do you expect them to do? Ask another first-message-tier question? This isn’t supposed to be a one sided interview like you’re applying for a job. You’re supposed to be a full participant. Ask a question (preferably related to the topic). Or, if you’re not interested anymore, unmatch.
You might also be thinking, “well I don’t have time for a whole conversation right now”. Ok. Do you ever have time? If not, delete the app because you don’t have time to date. If you do, answer when you have time. These things are asynchronous. If you’re afraid you’re going to forget, I don’t know man write yourself a note. That’s a life management problem outside the scope of dating advice.
This whole thing peeves me because it feels like people want “banter” and witty conversation, but they don’t want to do their half of it. They want to be passively entertained, but this isn’t some podcast you can listen to when dozing. These are (hopefully) real people looking for connection.
My therapist told me that people have different styles of communication and that’s okay. Maybe some people would be happy where their conversations are no deeper than “Did you hear the new slothrust album?” “No”. Doesn’t seem like an effective way to get to know someone to me.
I mean, then that person’s not for you.