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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: July 3rd, 2023

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  • Yeah I think that’s one of the things people that don’t always get.

    Like you walk down the street and no one’s going to say hi to you, or engage with you much at all. People think that means we’re unfriendly. No, it’s more that we see ten thousand people every day and there’s no way to engage with all of them. Some of them don’t even have a shared language.

    But if someone needs help? People step up. I saw a lady trip and fall down the stairs at the subway and a whole lot of people fake running over to make sure she was okay. Bike accident? Lots of people that had been in the background suddenly were helping.

    People aren’t perfect. I saw a guy screaming at a woman he was with and no one stepped in, but I like to think there’s a line past which more people would intervene.

    edit: fix autocomplete error












  • Many people go to clubs and meetups to do the thing the club is about. If you go to the bike riding club or bird watching club looking for dates, people are going to pick up on that and probably react unfavorably.

    If you go just to do the thing, that’s fine, but you could do that for years without ever finding a date.

    I wouldn’t recommend this as a primary means of finding a partner.


  • Yes and no. Capitalism has lead to shitty experiences for users, but also users self sabotage. It is possible to find success for free, but you’ll probably need to spend time and effort on it.

    On the one hand, they are capitalist shit holes. They want to make money, not find you a partner. There’s not enough competition (match group owns a lot of different apps). Those are big factors in why they suck. They’re going to keep asking you to pay for more, and there’s no competition to drive down prices or force innovation. This absolutely sucks and should be changed, but good luck getting the current US government to do anything good.

    The other problem is many users are frankly bad at using the apps. They have a blank profile, or one that has no hooks. When they get a message, they dead end the conversation instead of engaging. They ghost.

    Don’t be like that. Don’t send generic messages. Have a profile that funnels people into interesting stuff you want to talk about. When the app has a space to write your hobbies, do not write “lol I dunno”. That’s stupid and self sabotage. Write something (true) that gives people an entry point to talk to you. “I really like making pizza! I’m working on perfecting a stuffed crust recipe” is basic but gives them something to talk about. Many people fuck this up and then are like “why does no one send me interesting messages??”. They don’t know you. If you don’t present anything interesting, they’re not going to know.

    Once you have the conversation going, ask them out. I’ve heard many people complain about this problem. Guys will match and then text and text and text for days or weeks, and never ask them out. Then they complain “I never get a date!”. Self sabotage. Match, ask a question about their profile, have one or two exchanges, clear any deal breakers (eg: if you’re divorced or have kids), then ask them out. That’s it. That’s the game. People fuck this up and blame the apps.

    You don’t need to be mega good looking. That’s just a bullshit self comforting excuse. I used to have a horrible cave man beard and none of my clothing fit right. Still got dates. The bar for men is in hell. If you can converse, be kind, and pay attention to them you’re already ahead of the curve. Getting a good hair cut, clothes that fit, and a good photo helps, but do not think you are immutably unattractive. That’s nonsense.

    Your location matters a lot more. If you live in bumblefuck, Wisconsin, where there are 23 people in your age and gender range, you’re going to have a bad time. There’s a special place in hell for people who lie on their profile, though. Don’t say you live in New York when you “might move there some day” or commute in for work.

    I never paid for the apps. When I’d use them every day, I could typically get a date a week. Some were just the one date, some lasted weeks, and a couple lasted longer. I’m about 40 and largely unremarkable. You have to put time and effort in. Every day, go through profiles and send quality messages. Most will go nowhere. Don’t be discouraged.