z500

It helps to be a liquid

Sounds like the XY problem

I don’t know why addressing a cat as “cat” is the funniest thing ever

You win a free trip to the Hague

Apparently “cotton” and “Mexican” are slurs

They’re going to lady and the tramp it

Yeah, it’s clunky for sure, but maybe we just don’t use it for that much

If you’re blind, it’s a possibility.

My sister’s tuxedo is so wild, you can tell her mind is going a mile a minute but somehow doesn’t have much going on up there.

I’m already 2 years older than Mozart was when he died, the fuck am I even doing with my life

This reminds me of how I used to eat a spoonful of chunky peanut butter and then add a glug of maple syrup

About 10 years ago someone actually burned to death from static discharge at a gas pump like 2 miles down the road from my house. It’s extremely rare, but it does happen.

Nice, very trochaic

I thought that number looked familiar

Back when computer monitors were big enough, my cat would sit on that and I would have to keep moving his tail out of the way

I literally did that today. First I dumped the laundry on the couch, and then a few hours later I folded it and put it away

Hold my internal organs, I’m going in

Pour it on yourself and you’ll never have to work another day in your life

Happy Threshold Day!

Glory to you… ^AND ^YOUR ^PASSWORD…