I see where you’re coming from, but I think the reason “queer” works well in that context is precisely because it’s a word that refers to the community as a whole, and not a specific experience within the community that is separate and different.

Calling yourself “queer” signifies nothing more that you’re part of the LGBT+ community. Which makes it a great label for those who don’t feel that any of the the other labels define them perfectly — but it also works well for those who do claim another label as their own, too.

To me, it’s important that it’s a word (and a flag) that unites us, and not one that is in any way exclusive.

(Although I agree that the flag is beautiful <3 and I’ll never tell anyone they can’t use a flag they want to use!)

I’m late, but I wanted to echo this and add an interesting fact to support it.

Studies show that bi people experience poorer mental health than gay and lesbian people, and a large part of that is thought to be because bi people are much more likely to be closeted. (See this paper: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2017.1387755)

I’m a mostly-closeted bi woman, for reasons similar to OP, but I found it helpful to learn that. It definitely made me feel less guilty, and more comfortable existing in the few queer spaces I can be out in.

True, but that doesn’t change the fact that if you need that kind of support right now, you’re dependent on Reddit.

And I think it’ll take a while for Lemmy to build the size of user base that makes those kinds of specialised communities viable, unfortunately. Although I very much hope it happens.

It’s not for me personally. I’m a millennial too, and though I’ve never felt strongly aligned to my gender, I find it hard to imagine what gender dysphoria feels like. I was raised mostly by my dad, who is very androgynous, so I was taught from a young age that your assigned gender doesn’t have to dictate anything about you (other than the practical consequences of your biological sex, and those are more of a spectrum than a binary).

But while I’m firmly in the “gender is a social construct” camp, I also know that social constructs are real and powerful. I’m aware that people who inherit bigger burdens of gendered expectations than me are likely to feel the rub more when things don’t match up. And in any case, our world is only getting more gendered, and it’s impossible for anyone to escape socialised gender entirely.

All that’s to say — when people say they’re experiencing gender dysphoria, I think it’s important to take them seriously, and support them, and encourage them to be gentle and kind towards themselves. Like you said, we want people to be happy.

Figuring everything out under the cloud of parental intolerance is so tough. Especially with other life stresses going on. I’m so glad you have safe spaces with your wife and your friend <3

Is there somewhere (maybe with them?) that you can start leaning into more feminine gender expressions in a playful way? Not making any big decisions, but just seeing how it feels to inhabit femininity, whatever that looks like for you? (Luscious hair and perfectly smooth legs are not requirements for being a woman, thank goodness…)

We make gender such a serious thing — because it is serious for so many people. But reading your post, and all the weight you’re carrying, makes me think it would be good for you to find a way to experiment without it needing to immediately become a huge and impactful life decision.

I almost destroyed a phone once when I scrolled down to an unexpected spider image, my fight or flight response kicked in, and I threw the phone across the room. So this sounds amazing!!