During the pandemic I came out as non-binary due to my personal feelings on how I perceived myself and the way I am.
Lately over this past year I’ve been asking myself how do I feel. Many thought have been going through my head like I’d be happier if I was born a girl and I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have a vagina.
I’m also under immense stress in my personal life that may be exasperating these feelings but they existed before the stress.
My face is scraggly, my legs are a hairy mess. Thankfully I have a safe space with my wife who knows what I’m going through and a friend who listens and offers support. My biggest fear is addressing my family. My mom is still misgendering me and my trans BIL who has fully transitioned. She still lives us and I think she loves him but has fucked up ideas. My dad who has been divorced from my mom for nearly my whole life is full blood republican who believes in personal freedoms from his time in the military but I also don’t know his feelings on trans rights.
I know I’m ranting but I decided I need to crack this shell and figure things out.
I don’t know the first thing about makeup also clothes shopping is overwhelming.
Figuring everything out under the cloud of parental intolerance is so tough. Especially with other life stresses going on. I’m so glad you have safe spaces with your wife and your friend <3
Is there somewhere (maybe with them?) that you can start leaning into more feminine gender expressions in a playful way? Not making any big decisions, but just seeing how it feels to inhabit femininity, whatever that looks like for you? (Luscious hair and perfectly smooth legs are not requirements for being a woman, thank goodness…)
We make gender such a serious thing — because it is serious for so many people. But reading your post, and all the weight you’re carrying, makes me think it would be good for you to find a way to experiment without it needing to immediately become a huge and impactful life decision.
Thank you for your comments. I have severe anxiety so that’s probably why everything has to seem so big. My hair is fabulous though and I’ve shaved my legs before and loved it. In fact I’ll see if I don’t have a shitty razer and go at it tonight.
My next step is asking my wife if she can introduce me to some of her transfem and fem friends about this.
This is the crux of a big disconnect between millennials like myself and gen z. We care, because we want you to be happy. But we don’t understand why it’s such a huge, anxiety inducing deal.
It’s not for me personally. I’m a millennial too, and though I’ve never felt strongly aligned to my gender, I find it hard to imagine what gender dysphoria feels like. I was raised mostly by my dad, who is very androgynous, so I was taught from a young age that your assigned gender doesn’t have to dictate anything about you (other than the practical consequences of your biological sex, and those are more of a spectrum than a binary).
But while I’m firmly in the “gender is a social construct” camp, I also know that social constructs are real and powerful. I’m aware that people who inherit bigger burdens of gendered expectations than me are likely to feel the rub more when things don’t match up. And in any case, our world is only getting more gendered, and it’s impossible for anyone to escape socialised gender entirely.
All that’s to say — when people say they’re experiencing gender dysphoria, I think it’s important to take them seriously, and support them, and encourage them to be gentle and kind towards themselves. Like you said, we want people to be happy.