I believe it’s valuable to recognize that the knee jerk reaction was a result of tone and not content. It’s the whole point of nonviolent communication to refer explicitly to facts and to address emotions directly in order to prevent “tone issues”. However, I never implied any form of moral responsibility over the malaise, mental or otherwise. Communication is a two party process, it’s not just what is given as communication by the sending party, it’s also about what the receiving party does with it, how it is interpreted. So the tone problem is a result of two people communicating, the one writing and the one reading, in this case.

You see, I worked psychological care three years with people in detention and learned that mental illness, with the affected person, is better to address it directly without euphemisms or roundabouts. Most people (not all, just most) who end in detention, have or develop mental illness, many of which are personality disorders. These disorders mean people who have them don’t react too well to any sign that you’re hiding thoughts or secretly passing judgement of their conditions. So I did just that, actually debated over replying and wrote my reply with intent and complete transparency over my feelings and thoughts about the comment. Apologies if my intentions didn’t land, but they don’t come from a place of ill will or bad faith. Quite the opposite. Here’s my rationale.

If you are punched in the face that is, inequivocally, violence. If you insult a person calling them names or threatening to hurt them that is violence. If you do the opposite, being honest, direct and transparent with emotions, then that is almost impossible to be construed as violence. Most people know this intuitively. As you can see by other comments in this very post, most people find it baffling that you have to explain to other human beings that using insults or threats is a form of violence. However, the OC called nonviolent communication violence. How is that? Well, typically, most people understand the relationship of words, interactions and violence from a place of empathy. The ability to imagine and feel what others would feel like in such situations. To consider intentionally nonviolent communication as violence, one must dissociate actions from emotions. This is only possible if one either, can disconnect empathy selectively, or cannot feel empathy at all. Both are strong traits of sociopathy. Violence is not defined by harm, emotional or otherwise, to others in the mind of sociopaths, but as a form of negative transactional process. Material loss and functional inconvenience to a special party, them. The emotional side is erased, because they can’t relate to it healthily. A sociopath doesn’t consider a punch to the face as violence, unless it is detrimental to them, personally. I need to remove a person, so I do. You hurt someone I care about, so I hurt you back. People are objects. No feelings involved. This is how nonviolent communication can become violent, because it disarms the typical instruments of sociopathic behavior. Manipulation, lying, backstabbing, gaslighting, intimidation, etc. are viable tools for the sociopath that carry no remorse. If you take away their tools with clear, direct, honest communications, you disarm the veil of concealment that enables sociopaths to thrive. Thus it is violent, against them. Also, consider the underlying insinuation that people who are kind and compassionate have a hidden agenda or are being secretly hyprocrites and manipulative themselves.

What to do with it? I learned that addressing the elephant in the room is the best policy. I clearly stated what was wrong, to suggest that proper, clear, honest and direct communication is violence is incorrect. “Your kindness is violent” sounds mad and nonsensical, because it is. I can offer further examples, if you look closer to the comment:

distinguish between actual violence and hurt feelings

Separation of material actions and emotions. Dismissive of emotional consequences. Disconnect with other’s people emotional experiences. The term “actual violence” itself is troubling as it implies an objective definition of violence, which, by the way, implies that it is their definition, disregarding other’s subjective definitions, lived experiences or even socially normative definitions of violence.

I’m not trying to negate shitty bosses or toxic work environments, not at all, but I hate that this is now called violence.

Dismissal of emotional suffering as trivial or inconsequential.

calling everything rape

Disregard for emotions and trivialization of sexual violence.

anything that isn’t sweet and nice

Normalization of rudeness, plus the insinuation of hidden agendas from people who are genuinely being nice.

This kind of statements are not opinions I have heard any mentally stable and sound of mind individuals make. But I heard them a lot, in detention, from mentally ill inmates. So, my choice was to be direct and speak my mind. Because I’d rather offend a mentally ill person but get them to seek help and be less of a threat to others around them than to ignore it and let someone with a harmful belief system continue to think that what they’re thinking is ok or normal. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong. I don’t mind to risk mistakes that hurts nobody if it carries the chance of doing good.

I just want to take this time to thank you for teaching me a new word. It is important to learn everyday and I appreciate your contribution. However, I am sad that you considered my comment as violence. Some people are not aware that they’re sociopaths. And well adjusted sociopaths do exist in greater numbers than people assume.

However, unlike you, I do not consider it an insult. I’m sorry if it was misconstrued that way. Sociopathy is a disorder, a personality disorder specifically. Just like narcissism, borderline personality disorder and others. I understand that it is a heavily stigmatized word and used as an insult frequently, specially on the internet. But unless we talk about it appropriately and dispel misinformation, we won’t be able to bring mental healthcare to people who have such conditions. Mental disorders are not a moral failing on anyone’s part. And being aware of it is the first step to get help.

You wouldn’t be offended if I told someone with a broken leg to go see a doctor. Why is reminding people that lack of empathy is a disease and they might benefit from mental health care suddenly an offensive attack?

Well, this is not something you do, as in a once and done action. Like, you don’t schedule a meeting to talk feelings. It’s an approach. The idea is to practice it consciously to reach the goal of just doing it spontaneously. Stressed people with deadlines are exactly the kind of people who can take advantage of and appreciate nonviolent communication. It can help teams in highly stressful circumstances reach high levels of performance while keeping dysfunctions from stress to a minimum. Not to mention negative effects in their personal lives. Angry, burnout and fatigued people are actually really lousy workers and the least effective overall. Dealing with negative feelings can help reduce these ill effects.

You are nearsighted.

Psychological violence is violence. It doesn’t matter if you disagree. Because you are wrong. I invite you to search online the stories of people who have been victimized and try to empathize with their lived experiences and emotions. If you cannot find this empathy and feel the urge to dismiss them as overreactions or as trivial, I suggest you seek psychiatric attention. Lack of empathy is the leading trait of sociopathy. Therapeutic and psychiatric treatment can help you to adapt well in a nonviolent manner to society.

I also tried tailscale in a docker container as a subnet handler and realized I was out of my depth. Net engineering is abstract and hard. There’s a reason there are pros making bank just doing that for big corps.

Followed a way simpler setup. Now tailscale runs on the server bare metal and podman handles the routing automatically. I just use the magicDNS address given by tailscale and everything just works as intended. All my services are available, and apps run no issue, no matter where I am as long as I’m connected to tailscale. I will make the setup more complex as I learn more and acquire the need for more features. But so far this has met all my expectations.

Go with pangolin. You can easily host the control layer either on a cheap vps or your own internet exposed server. Same features as tailscale although with a bit more complexity.

The only reason they even tangentially touched Linux content was because of Emily. She left, so now they lack their most knowledgeable person on Linux. This interview might be a disaster, or completely inconsequential. Having seen a few podcast episodes, Sebastian is not very good at interviews. Maybe another host or Torvalds himself would be able to carry the interview, we’ll see.

Yeah, that is the kind of concern for the service developer or a very opinionated sys admin. For self-hosting, few people will reach the workload where such a decision has any material or measurable impact.

It’s funny, because that is the exact apology formula that is taught by therapists. That is a proper apology. The word sorry is actually optional. Many people say they’re sorry but don’t actually apologize. Because they don’t acknowledge their own actions. An apology is an action, not mere words. Saying sorry without change in your actions might fulfill social norms but it is detrimental to all relationships and it makes you seem less trustworthy going forward.

It’s a long history lesson. But the gist is that IBM made an architecture that allowed for modular LEGO style construction of computers. They were assholes and tried to make it lock down by keeping software secret and proprietary, but it was so popular that everyone else copied it and IBM/PC clones were born. Then the architecture became the standard, and everyone could make components for a PC with (more or less) assurance that any component made would be compatible and fit into (almost) any other computer.

Phones, on the other hand were born out of the necessity of being the smallest and most portable device possible. This meant bespoke solutions. The people who were chasing that format chose an architecture, ARM, that at the time required everything to be on a single chip. Memory, storage, CPU, CMOS, everything has to be on the chip. Which means exchanging parts is not possible. System on chip became the smart phone standard. Now, technically ARM doesn’t have to always be SOC. But it means two things, first is that every phone model is an unique and bespoke production that will never exist again once out of print. Second, it is a Titanic task to reverse engineer certain parts of it, firmware for sensor input is always unique, for example.

This means that FOSS is at a disadvantage. To make free open software for a phone means that, either a manufacturer is magnanimous and gives you all the firmware, or after a major effort to reverse engineer lots of pieces of software, it will be useless for the next model of phone. You either make your own open standard phone, which is a several billion dollar r&d endeavor. Or you’re constantly shooting at a fast moving target.

No one has created an open standard that allows small component manufacturing of mutually interchangeable parts for phones. Risc-v is close but not yet terribly financially viable.

When it comes to this type of things there are two camps or scenarios:

1. You give yourself a label and define it through your actions. “I’m Emo, because I said so”. This is how many subcultures name themselves, social groups of the same interest give themselves a descriptor and run with it. Usually around a shared taste in music genre.

A. You do you spontaneously, then other people give you a label to describe you. Then groups usually adopt the name and run with it. A lot of labels come from this scenario as well.

The point is that both scenarios also interact and dialogue. Some people redefine the label through their actions, usually from terms that started as derogatory insults and are then appropriated by the in group then redefined as an identity. Sometimes self chosen labels are then reinterpreted by the public and resignified by the out group.

It’s all very fluid and always changing. Don’t fret too much over it. Whatever label you define yourself or get assigned to today might as well mean nothing in a couple of years because culture is alive and constantly moving.

Neat project, shame on the basic premise. Just remember to delete your second brain once in a while, for the health of your first one, and actually use it for something creative once in a while.

Except, it is made up. All terms are made up. It still means something different to different groups of people.

You just described SVN. It’s what we used before the invention of git. And is still used today for team projects that use complex file formats, like images, binary blobs, 3d models, that sort of stuff. It will work with any files.

Anything can be a hard drive if you are creative enough.

Flossing is healthier than brushing in this scenario, without risk of wearing out enamel.

It is rather interesting that the kind of people that puts a punisher sticker in their car would be the firsts in line to eat a bullet by the punisher if he existed. Which is why marvel recently changed the logo. Though that doesn’t change anything IRL. At least the creators do show audiences that if a militia adopted punisher’s logo, and tried to associate it ideologically with their way of thinking. It would only target them as the punisher’s next victims.

Please don’t propagate the myth that all gays are ultra horny and promiscuous all the time. It is not true. Gay men deal with a shit ton of toxic standards as well.

if you were gay things would be easier.

If you don’t have standards, maybe …

Gays looking for a hookup are some of the most superficial and demanding dating pool members. Dudes looking like the Penguin on Batman Returns will demand Adonis or infant looking twinks and nothing else. It’s very hard and very rare to find people actually willing to give a chance to non-hegemonic looking guys.