Tulsi, do you have something you need to tell us? It’s okay, we already know, but it’s important for you to be honest.

And the cheap sonofabitch, can you believe it, he pulled out a pen, scribbled over the ‘0’ from “50” and handed it to his date. Sad.

The medical examiner’s office has not yet released a cone-clusion regarding which of the knight’s injuries proved fatal, fueling speculation among some that it may have been death by chocolate.

These predatory industry contracts are out of control.

The correct prescription lenses.

absolute shit thing

Well, yeah, I think that’s been established.

Blatant ad for the zoom lens capable of magnifying those tiny, disgusting, shriveled hands for inspection.

Putin’s got that recording in a different archive.

“Trump’s Justice Department put out a statement on Truth Social citing a directive from the newly-formed Department of Fuck You, Stop Laughing, These Names Are Serious.”

That sucks, some people react in shitty ways in a crisis but I’m glad your impulse was to act and not just be a bystander. There’s a furious storm of chemistry going on that can trick this weird thinking meat into lashing out in irrational ways.

I’ve known some drivers who were completely oblivious to the state of their vehicles: they’d keep on trucking until the smoke pouring out of the hood got too thick to see and then stick their head out the window for the remainder of the journey. Only slight exaggeration. The old Simpsons trick of fixing a “Check Engine” indicator with a strip of electrical tape on the display turns out to be less than ideal, who could’ve guessed?

In any event, you spent that extinguisher for some valuable experience not just on the technical “Pull, Aim, Squeeze, Sweep” side of things but also the human component. I hope you will continue to help those in need since it sounds like you’re the type of person who feels compelled to respond rather than sit back and film a clip for the 'gram or whatever.

All I remember about that guy (aside from a vague sense that he’s a cheap, slimy shithead but not even the worst because that would make him remarkable) is a video someone put together with a bunch of his pet phrases and blunders. Not funny enough to make him even a little more likeable but hearing anyone say “call it what you want” now brings me a brief flash of revulsion.

Absolute necessity. Those jump packs can be nice too if you treat them right, mine has always worked so far when needed but most of the credit for that should probably go to my recurring “battery check” calendar reminder every few months. Nice to be able to get yourself out of a bad situation when nobody else is around or have one fewer problem to solve if there’s tricky terrain or tight quarters getting in the way of hooking up cables.

Yeaaah USA, USA, USA!

But what’s them big words after the lines?

That’s why it’d be startling to find a startling.

I propose “startling” if the mutation is enough to qualify as a new species. Sort of like the opposite of an endling and you get a fitting double meaning as a fun bonus.

Donfrey Trumpstein.

Fucker thought he was Lee Harvey Oswald and forgot to double-tap before his head got turned into a rooftop Jackson Pollock. Unforgivable mistake.

Probably blames Biden for the slow trickle of shit oozing down his leg too.

Lawyer.