Squirrel

You just reminded me that I own an expensive vitamix blender that I haven’t used or even thought of for over a year

• I don’t feel overwhelmed like I used to. Even if I have an overwhelming number of things to do, I can prioritize a couple of things and ignore the rest. It’s not like I don’t care, but things don’t feel insurmountable
• I’m not an emotional powder keg when Im on meds. I feel I can actually manage my emotions and process criticism like a normal person. If someone is being an asshole to me, I don’t feel like I have a strong urge to respond and I can just ignore them and go about my day
• I don’t have increased focus, but I have more energy that I can spend on focus. This was what surprised me. I thought I would have better focus automatically, and maybe Im not on the right meds, but I still have to put the effort in. The difference is when Im not on meds, my tank feels empty. Even if I want to do the thing or try to focus, it takes so much out of me. At the end of the day when I would get home, I would just sit on the couch and I would be extremely mentally exhausted. I couldn’t even follow a tv show or movie. I would just watch random youtube videos or just sit there like a vegetable. It would take me all weekend of sleeping and doing nothing to recover enough to have the mental energy to face the week. Needless to say, it made making time to spend with friends very difficult and not to mention just normal daily life things. On meds, I get home, I feel like a normal person and my brain doesn’t feel burnt out. I didn’t know what normal was until now
• I was surprised it made my anxiety go away in groups. I can give briefings to a group of people with very little problem. I’m engaged in meetings and will ask questions. Sometimes I think I may be annoying, but on meds I’m like “their fucking problem, I’m doing my thing.” I didn’t used to be as horrible at group interactions, but the last couple of years, things just really went downhill. I think a combination of a bad manager constantly berating me for every little thing, so I ended up internalizing a lot of it (looking back, I hate her for making me feel this way and others in my office), and reaching a point of burn out with my ADHD. The best way I can describe how I feel on meds is normal
• I wish it would fix my sleep, but alas, if anything it has made it a bit worse, so that is a work in progress

For me it’s not just anger, I seem to feel things 10x more. Usually just the negative emotions 🙄. So anger, shame, guilt, sadness, etc. I always thought this was normal, but I’ve learned it is part of emotional dysregulation. I finally got diagnosed with ADHD, but it was hard to say if it was ADHD or major depressive disorder initially. So my doctor and I tried a bunch of things until I hit on Vyvanse, and I finally feel like I have control. The anti depressants did nothing and I’ve stopped taking them once I started Vyvanse (with my docs approval). So that pretty much confirmed it was ADHD for me.

So it might be ADHD but it could also be part of depression. Find a psychiatrist that specializes in ADHD to help you navigate this since the treatments for each can be very different

40s here and tried so many different things. Got on vyvanse a few weeks ago, and the best way I can describe it is I feel normal. My fear is it will stop working one day

Why brain, why do you do this???