A friend and I (both 30yo males) are thinking of getting our pictures taken with the Easter bunny while wearing overalls and a propeller hat. my sister says it’ll be immature and that if I were to show a girl they would immediately be turned off.
We feel it’ll be funny and a good ice breaker with girls or anyone else for that matter. But now I’m kinda questioning it.
Dating website: probably way too soon to share, just looks cringe.
First date: too soon to share, painfully obvious ploy for attention/trying to stand out.
Second date: getting closer, almost there.
Third date: probably safe to share as something endearing and silly.
My suggestion is to do it for yourself because it is fun, because trying to use it as a token to stand out from other men will be seen as a desperate attempt to be funny/quirky, if you bring it out to early.
You don’t use it to initially capture their attention, you use it to seal the deal.
I think this is the reason he shouldn’t do it. If the whole reason to do it is to attract women, that is pretty unattractive. It would be funny if they just did it for the “fuck it, why not be silly?” aspect of it, but I feel like if the original reason is to attract women, then the jig is up and it is forced and weird.
“Let’s be silly” is cool and attractive. “Let’s be silly so we can attract women” is cringe and off-putting.
Precisely why I said that he should do it for himself because it is fun. It’s also why I consider it third date material. Not something you bring up spontaneously, but more that they’ve come back to your apartment and see the photo hanging on your fridge. A casual introduction to it, not forced. It’s hanging on your fridge because it’s genuinely something you had fun doing, not because you wanted to use it to get women.
But, agreed, if the core of the reason for doing it is to attract women, it’s going to backfire spectacularly.
oop my bad, I wrote out my comment and then deleted my main point. I think you hit the nail on the head, my only differing opinion is that I think at this point, it’s really difficult to change the underlying reason that he’s doing it. At least for me, I wouldnt be able to just “turn off” the original intent of attracting women.
If I went ahead with the plan trying to tell myself, “Well originally it was about getting dates and impressing women, but now its just about having fun,” I feel like I’d still be subconsciously doing it for the female gaze. That’s why I say the jig is up – if I were him, I’d bag the idea and wait for next purely silly fun idea
Edit: Little anecdote to illustrate where I’m coming from. When I was in middle school and early high school, I really wanted to be that guy that played guitar. All the girls would love me. I started learning open chords and practicing simple songs, and I managed to learn a few over a couple months. I could never sing and play, just play a couple licks and tunes. But I soon lost interest because I wasn’t becoming the guy that played guitar, and girls didnt care that I was the guy that was simply learning to play the guitar.
Fast forward to college/covid, I’ve lost interest in being the guy that plays guitar. That dude is cringe anyways. But it would be cool to learn how to sing and play guitar at the same time. That sounds like fun, to be able to really play some music. So I picked up a guitar and I was total shit. Couldn’t do anything I used to be able to. Eh, whatever, the next time I pick it up, I’ll be a tiny bit more comfortable. And I was. I’d accepted I would probably never be a good player. Who cares if I’m good? I just like the feeling of getting a little more fluid. Oh shit! I can play and sing! As long as I play super slowly. Sweet. I start to express myself bit by bit, a little more and a little more, adjusting the tempo, the volume, my vocal delivery. Ooo, that feels good. Huh, look at that! Barre chords are easy now. Hmm…I bet I could go back to that song I couldnt play a while ago and play it now. Oh shit! I can play it! Siiiick. Dang, that was a big bong rip…hmmm what should I do to enjoy this high… looks at the guitar on my wall oh fuck yeah…
And that’s how I became the guy that played guitar, who I wanted to be when I was young. I mean I’m still not good. Definitely wouldn’t play for an audience. But goddamn if its not the most valuable thing I ever learned to do. I can express myself in a whole new way. I look back and think, if I had approached it from the desire to be at the destination, I would’ve lost any motivation I had. It couldnt be about becoming good at guitar, or becoming a guitar player, or becoming a guy who played guitar. I needed to approach it from the pure desire to just fuck around on guitar. Try the thing today that I couldnt do yesterday. Oh shit! I can do it! Hell yeah. For me, I never want to do something if I don’t enjoy doing it. Fortunately for me, I enjoy fucking up and figuring out why and then doing it better the next day. I like learning, and don’t mind being shit at something. No one is good at something the first time.
So that’s why I think OP shouldnt go do the photoshoot, because if it isnt for the pure enjoyment of the thing, if the intent is, I guess, polluted, by him wanting to seem like a certain type of person, he’s more likely to have a bad time.
What you say is not universally true. There are women (I know, being one of them) who are attracted by silly. To me, seeing a man enjoying a silly situation he himself created means I could potentially enjoy something like that with him one day, which is super exciting to me. If OP wants to meet someone to share silly things with, he should include such photo - it’s going to filter out the women who are way too serious.
I think you might be misunderstanding me. I don’t mean to say women aren’t attracted by silliness. I mean to say that a person who tries to be a certain way (can be silly, serious, whatever) because they think it will attract a mate is less attractive, especially compared with than a person who is just a certain way because that’s how they are.
Being your true self is more attractive than trying to be act in a way that you think will attract someone, yknow?
But I agree with you (although I’m a man), silly is attractive. But being silly with the express intent of impressing potential romantic partners? Way less attractive
Ok, I get this and agree. I’d argue though OP probably is genuinely silly. The problem is when you use dating apps, you have to present yourself in some way. Taking pictures of yourself and choosing the good ones is really quite a killer of spontaneity and truthfullness. And everyone knows you want to show off your good sides in the profile. Taking silly pictures with his cousin that he may end up being a bit embarrased about later seems as genuine as it gets.
Ooo shit yeah I actually like this take, I didn’t think about the dating app implications. Like in the sense of highly ironic dating app pics, doing this and hamming it up to the max could actually be hilarious
You might be right in this case, but I also want to point out that most dating profile fucking suck, and it’s not because they are too “cringe” or immature; it’s because they are all the same generic pictures. Wedding, gym, hiking, dead-fish, bar, dog.