There’s this guy in my neighbourhood who apparently I find very attractive 😂 I didn’t realize that until recently, I always avoided him until one day I had to talk to him and I turned red and started smiling like an idiot.

This happened twice and both times, when I got home, I started crying… not because of what happened, but it felt as if I was losing something??

All I know about this “reaction” is that this guy isn’t my usual type, I just find him physically attractive and when I get home I cry and think about those guys I actually felt a lot for (mostly platonically) and it hurts 🤕 wtf

And today I was almost telling myself to “stay on track”??? Like thinking about the others and thinking “that’s the life you want, that’s what would make you happy” and just wishing this didn’t have such an effect on me.

  • Colorfulhipp@lemmy.worldOP
    4·
    4 months ago

    This has been on my mind!

    I’m sorry about your mom. I’m afraid something similar happens to me too, but more with friends. I’m getting out of it, I hope you’re doing well too 💓 put feeling good and happy first.

    Thinking about the guy, Let’s say that he seems a bit superficial to me, FOR NOW. Many good qualities too though.

    I know this he could be very different, but still I feel as if there’s something telling about this. I myself am not the way I could be and want to be (talking about values, what I stand for, the person I want to be in this world).

    He seems to live in a bubble (could turn out I’m wrong, again) or just doesn’t show those characteristics that say “open minded, free spirit” or whatever. And that would be limiting to me. And I don’t want that in my life anymore, cause it’s always little things but then a few years go by and you’re stuck and you relationships start deteriorating.

    • intensely_human@lemm.ee
      1·
      4 months ago

      Thanks for your kind words.

      To me it kinda sounds like you’re evaluating this guy in your head, like it’s a logic puzzle or essay question.

      How does your gut feel about him? Just reading between the lines, I’m sensing a disconnect between your conscious and subconscious here. Do you do any practices to cultivate bodily awareness, such as meditation, yoga, spontaneous dance, anything like that?

      The best advice I got, for escaping the problem of being attracted to women who were really bad for me, came from a psychotherapist. He said “You need to create an alliance with your subconscious mind”

      I was able to do so, and the deal is basically:

      • I listen to and act on the information my subconscious sends me, even when I don’t consciously understand why it’s demanding some particular thing
      • It provides me with steady motivation and healthy cravings
      • Colorfulhipp@lemmy.worldOP
        1·
        4 months ago

        I don’t know how to interpret my gut…

        I listen to and act on the information my subconscious sends me, even when I don’t consciously understand why it’s demanding some particular thing

        Like what for example? I mean, how do you understand what it’s demanding? Cause in my case I really don’t know… I do feel that he’s a good guy for example, but I always feel the urge to avoid him. He intimidates me a bit, but not in a bad way.