At the height of the Colin Kaepernick nonsense, my cousin got married to a cop.
So the reception is going normally when everyone is asked to stand and they started playing the National fucking Anthem. Literally everyone was surprised and taken aback by this, but most complied and faced the flag.
My Very Conservative Uncle, however, was busy having a conversation with me. Next to my chair. On one knee. During the anthem.
To his credit, nobody laughed harder about it than he did. “Of course I’m the guy taking a knee during the anthem!” He also was blocking me in and gave me the perfect excuse to do what I’d planned to anyway and remain seated because what the fuck? Are we in North Korea and need to tribute Glorious Leader at every event?
That was probably one of the last family functions I’ve been to, come to think of it.
Most American thing ever: What are we, a bunch of Asians?!
Touché, but I was going for the most overtly despotic nation I am aware of, and I don’t think its unfair to call that regime despotic.
Cousin had a 1.5h hellfire and brimstone service with an altar call in an unairconditioned church on a weekday afternoon on the Midwest prairie on a hot August day 120 miles (~192km) away from my house.
Weak perkolator coffee, grocery store sheet cake, and bite-size sandwiches (limit 2) served in the basement afterwards.
We were asked to clean up after ourselves and break down the tables and chairs after 30 min. Church doors were locked and we were ushered out after another 30min.
Last cousin wedding I went to.
I went to one of these. Hated it. Helped set it up and break it down. Extremely small wedding, has base table cloths, put almost no effort in their own wedding which yes the day was for them but awful wedding party experience. I haven’t been to a house party with that little effort … And the couple had money… They are very cheap though…
The ones bombed by US
Mine. I got married at city hall and the justice made every sentence sound like a question. We showed up with her mom in the fanciest Goodwill, Kmart stuff we could put together. And I think he dunked on us.
Hahaha that description is hilarious. Goodwill has some nice clothes so no need to sell yourself short lmao.
Christian Orthodox wedding for my best friend’s ex girlfriend who was marrying a guy with the same name as my friend. It was a two hour ceremony. Lots of begatting. One of the groomsmen locked his knees, fainted, fell over, woke up and barfed. The priest didn’t stop talking while all of this was happening.
We learned at the reception that it was a dry wedding. The food was good, but we left as soon as possible because it was in the basement of a church, they didn’t turn the fluorescent lights on in the half that didn’t have tables, and the average age of the people there was hovering in the 60s. The bride and groom were 21.
When we finally left, we stopped at the first liquor store, which also happened to be a combination liquor store/gun store with a drive-through for both. We got as many types of bourbon as we could afford, went to our hotel, sampled much of it and then needed real dinner, so we were responsible adults and walked to the nearest restaurant, Burger King. Only the drive through was open, and it wasn’t busy, so we walked in formation through the drive through, and were told that we couldn’t do that. We went to Waffle House instead.
At least it was entertaining, but that couple is going to go to a lot of weddings where they think to themselves “wow, ours could have gone better”.
