It’s not a childhood trauma thing. I had a decent upbringing. I’ve been like this all my life. I’ll talk about people using their name to others when the named person isn’t around, but I avoid using their name as a vocative to their face.
Same thing with people using my name. I don’t mind people summoning me by calling my name, but I cringe when people use my name as a vocative in front of me. I also get irritated when people I don’t know and have no intention of establishing a relationship with use my name.
I worked in a call center and we had the usual opening “thank you for calling _____ my name is early_riser, how can I help you?” I assumed the unspoken rule was that I’m giving my name so the client can later refer to me in complaints or commendations, not because I want to establish anything more than a client-employee relationship. Also, I always use “sir” or “ma’am” when addressing clients, and hope they reciprocate that respect.
Edit:
Yes I know what names are for. Also “angry” was too strong a word. I don’t lash out at people when they do this. I understand that people are trying to be friendly when they use my name and that the irritation is unwarranted, but it’s there and I want to know why.
I too had a decent upbringing, but, after a bit of introspection about why I’m so wary of my own name, it came down to this:
I have two names. One is my given name and the other is “son”.
My parents have always tended to use my given name in negative and neutral contexts and “son” in more positive ones. It’s not intentional on their part, and I expect my father got the same, but I think it’s at the root of it all.
Good upbringing or not, how many of us are still terrified of being addressed by our full name in an irate tone? I’m convinced it’s related.
The only wrinkle that bothers me is when a sonless aunt once called me “son” and it made me very uncomfortable. But, I figure there are other reasons for that.