I’ve had a bit of a rough go with it in terms of being raised in a bad environment, not properly socialised properly early in life, and to top it off my partner of 7 years just ended things because of some pretty nasty issues between us that I felt were perfectly fixable.
Everything as it is, I’ve started having issues with feelings of being disposable. Like I don’t matter, like I’m nothing and I can’t expect people to stick around, like they’re waiting for a reason to abandon me.
On a logical level that doesn’t hold much water, but at this point I’m starting to wonder how to fight these feelings if they come from very factual places. How can I justify the thought that I inheritly have worth, if the reality of the situation is that I keep being treated like garbage.
I’m doing all the right stuff, seeing a psych, prioritising recover, actually have a pretty decent inner voice going, but the feelings are still really strong and it’s hard to fight them. I’m not really sure how to handle this.
Do not have an expectation of loyalty. It’s not about what you get from others but what you’re able to give/share. When you are a good friend, even to a stranger on the street, it will always come back to you. And if it doesn’t, you still have the pleasure of spreading smiles. Expectation is the source of disappointment and fear of abandonment.
I have kind of the opposite problem. My friends and family are very attached to me. I would prefer to be a vagabond again, for a while.