What helped for me is I see labels as explaining to people outside my body in the simplest terms if we COULD be compatible in theory.

So, for example, I identify as pansexual. If someone asks me why, it’s because I have had multiple partners change gender presentation and it did not change our relationship. And i feel that’s helpful to know if someone is dating me.

If we get in the weeds, I can’t tell you what i am sexually attracted to in the abstract. I don’t have internal motivation that way. I grow to want to be sexual with a specific person over time, so sometimes I have even used demi and pan.

But as for me and inside, i just know i feel sexual when i do toward who i do. I know I have changed over the years too (at one point I would have said I was straight, can you imagine?) And sexually and gender are spectrums anyway.

I hope this search isnt causing you too much destress. Labels are supposed to be comfortable if we take them on. You don’t HAVE to label anything at all. I usually just go by queer because it’s shorter. I hope you feel comfortable with yourself and soon don’t feel like you have to prove anything to anyone. 💙