I am disengaged, i have a life and the site was down.

If you don’t see the dog whistles that started because teens leaving religion on the internet were trying to explore themselves and break from what most people only follow because they were raised in it that the internet dismissed because of memes more than actual atheists causing issues.

Then beehaw is as bad as i was suspecting about trying too hard to appeal to everyone. You clearly wanted your mods words to be taken with respect and NOT users. If YOU are an admin and cannot see how your staff started issues and someone simply stepped in and stood firm, then you don’t allow people to stand up for themselves and as a queer atheist i get it, it’s not as popular, but you wouldn’t let any other minority group be treated this way and your administration needs to think about that.

Beehaw is good in theory but when you do not allow anyone to discuss things and come after the group who was under attack, your team needs more experience. I wish you all well and maybe beehaw will mature, but right now it’s centist leaning new age more than anything based on reality.

They could argue their point and were not attacking anyone specific. The mod continued to be upset and eventually attacked the poster specifically, when the posted stayed hypothetical.

If you don’t know how dismissive of atheists that saying is, how it’s used to shut down their opinion, which they were sharing without attacking someonee specifically, likely because they became atheists after a lot of personal work, is exactly why atheists get shut out of a conversation.

Is their opinion not valid? Have they attacked anyone or taken any rights, or just expressed an opinion they offered to discuss and never attcked anyone?

Literally they pointed out the flaws in the mods argument and the mod got mad. Only one group was being aggressive, one group made a mildly flippant joke and was willing to discuss the nuance. One became sarcastic and rude.

You don’t see an issue with a MOD starting with

Can we please move beyond this 2010 New Atheism view

That’s really not something a mod should say and pretty much dismissing an opinion without even engaging it. I guess atheists are just ok to dismiss and deny an opinion?

They’re responding to the mods energy.

You’re a mod and being this way publicly? Personally attacking?

It’s about one small group. And one that couldn’t stop being taken over by assholes and has a schism because the more conversative left.

Among those who say they were raised exclusively by Protestants, roughly eight-in-ten now identify with Protestantism, including 80% of those raised by two Protestant parents and 75% of those raised by a single parent who was Protestant. Most who were raised exclusively by Protestants but who no longer identify as such are now religious “nones,” with smaller numbers now identifying with Catholicism or other religions.

I have done a lot of research and could have a nuanced discussion. I don’t think claiming people who have negative options are “2010 Atheists” is the bit of a bigot in this case. I think religion has enough people carrying water who were just raised in it and don’t think critically.

I think 75% of the population literally try not to have critical thinking in one major aspect of their life that literally says don’t think, have faith.

It’s a part of religion to not think, to follow and obey. It’s sweet you want to defend them in other avenues, but cognitive dissonance is also causing a lot of sorrow and pain while religious people on majority are standing back and following their leaders, even the progressive ones, aren’t willing to progress fast enough. They’re still following something that’s usually mostly historically been oppressive and regressive to maintain power over the masses.

I mean. They’re doubling down on stupid i think it’s fair to call them out on it. In order to follow most organized religion, you are taught to kill critical thinking and have faith. It’s literally a part of the whole thing

So women are more disposable and companies cut “soft skills” first. Great, working with tech companies is already full of people with absolutely no social intelligence, let’s cut the “fluff” departments (yet what hires on the tech spots? Insurance and the other underpinnings of the compensation packages), and then people show up with “wElL iTs NoT wOmEn iN TeCh”.

It’s the same energy as when an article gets posted about racial equality. So many ways to talk around a big societal problem.

The mods keep saying they’re staying to protect their users, but they should be off boarding to another site if they really care. They have already lost the power to take care of their community, they’re already bending to reddit.

If you keep your group on reddit you just want mod powers on a popular site, you aren’t protecting anyone. I just can’t accept “i care enough to stay and keep my power to obey reddit admins” is so weaksauce.

It doesn’t sound like he returns your adoration and love with respect and care like he should. Age gap, is he older? That sucks that he was able to wrap himself in you and then has shown you now twice he doesn’t care enough to be straight with you.

Im sorry a man like that stole your heart. I hope you’ll be able to see if he can’t talk to you straight, what kind of partner is he really? A man like that isnt dependable enough to build a life with.

It sounds more like you don’t want to be alone than that he has much good to offer you. I know your parents dont show love dependability ao you think everyone is like that, that it’s to be expected and what you deserve. But real people who love you don’t run and hide from bad feelings, they stand by your side when things get hard.

He doesn’t sound like he was every building a life with you, just liked your affection. And don’t feel the need to return it. Try not to let someone like that continue using you. The pain you feel is compounded because you know this isnt how loving people treat one another.

That’s really hard, especially when it sounds like he was a lot of your life focus. I would be as worried as you, it sounds like you arent able to get any answers at the moment.

To protect yourself, could he have ghosted you in this way to make it easier on himself? Had he ever been conflict avoidant? It’s shitty, but i hear a lot of younger people, without respect to the pain they are causing, flaking out in such a manner.

It may be important that you see if you can find some friends, someone to support you but who you’re not so dependent on. It’s a horrible feeling to have our stability dependent on someone else when sadly humans can be such flawed and weak creatures.

It’s so important you find something inside yourself for you. I have been depressed a long time, (not nearly been put in the situation you have been with a partner) and for me i settled on a weird philosophy that i didn’t choose my birth, but (i am not religious or spiritual) if i go too soon, ill never have a chance to know or experience anything when i die. For me ive settled on leaving when it happens, and trying to get through each day one day at a time.

It’s unlikely that’ll work for you, too, cause it’s such a personal thing to figure out. Im guessing your parents wouldn’t get you a therapist just for you to talk shit out?

I am sorry you are struggling with this. There’s nothing wrong with keeping yourself safe by not coming out, but that doesn’t do anything for the feeling of being trapped.

I’m not you, but i hope that you’re able to find some space where you are able to be yourself, perhaps a friend group or an online support group?

Being alone and feeling abandoned by a partner is such a terrible feeling. Perhaps, since it all feels spiralling anyway, asking him bluntly for clarification, if you think he’s gone it’ll at least give you answers maybe?

There’s not a magical set of words that will work for you, so throw away anything i have said that doesn’t work. Most of all i wanted you to know people saw you and care you are in pain, even if they are just text on a screen. 💙

I mean, if you don’t convey emotions to friend via gifs I don’t know what to tell ya!

I am going to not be able to find obscure gifs i remember from the 2000’s 😩

yup! I also know there are some in ‘safe’ social groups who make the threats because they, as a member of that group, never (or so rarely they aren’t ACTUALLY worried) get attacked. But the groups they use death threats against DO experience such violence, (a fact that the free speech absolutist will argue against, while not even listening to the facts of the matter) and at the very least, I know I second guess the effort of engaging anyone who is willing to threaten to hurt me specifically. Or a question the value of talking with someone like that.

So that is why free speech absolutists LIKE being allowed to make death threats: those who experience violence disengage (or leave) and no one arguing makes them feel in the right. “No one is disagreeing, it means I am correct! It has nothing to do with the shotgun I put in the face of anyone who talks to me!”

It is horrifying.

sunk cost fallacy is a hell of a drug. it’s also why a lot of people stay in bad relationships (friends/romantic/family/etc)

“We do not condone death threats and will continue to remove accounts when we believe their posts represent targeted harassment or a credible threat of violence. But not all heated language crosses the line into a death threat,” Graber said in a weekend thread. “Wisely or not, many people use violent imagery when they’re arguing or venting. We debated whether a “death threat” needs to be specific and direct in order to cause harm, and what it would mean for people’s ability to engage in heated discussions on Bluesky if we prohibited this kind of speech.”

Well I was curious about Bluesky (they’re still on a waitlist when I check so even their beta has bad actors lol) but a space that hems and haws about death threats? You can be the rudest son of a bitch and never threaten harm! This reminds me of that stupid decision by the Supreme Court that “oh well they didn’t REALLY intend to kill you”. If someone threatens me, it becomes my job to decide if it was real or not? Wtf?

Goddamn free speech absolutism has taken some crazy pills. I remember ‘fighting words’ concept, a death threat used to be understood as almost enough to warrant self-defense preemptively. Now everyone does it and “don’t really mean it”. 🙄

Im still frustrated at the lie and gaslighting that bathrooms were ever some strictly gendered space. Growing up, women going into the mens room happened a lot at sport events. Fathers would take their kids into the lady’s when the men’s didn’t have a changing table.

Most people want to do what they need to do an get out.

And if someone’s gonna assault you, the swing door with a stick figure with a dress aint gonna stop them.

Could be hot flashes? I know some ladies who felt hotter at a coller temperature after hrt. Like they used to hang out in 90 degree weather and now only can tolerate low 80s. It’s only an issue cause they live in a hot place.

Other than checking with an endo it could just be your new normal with a different hormone profile.