Objectification, hate, rape threats: the politicians debating online abuse mean well, but to truly understand, they need to see what I see

If you’re anything like my parents, you probably wouldn’t even understand most of the content that floods my social media, no matter how hard I try to avoid it.

Here’s a recent example from Instagram: “Do y’all females ever tell ur homegirls ‘Sis chill you letting too many dudes hit?’” Essentially, that means: “Women – do you ever tell your girlfriends that they’re whores and need to stop letting so many guys fuck them?” The reel, posted by a 19-year-old man, appeared on my Instagram feed without me wanting to see it, or ever interacting with any other similar content. The comments that followed were pure misogyny. “Women see body count as a leaderboard and they try to outdo each other,” was one of them. Translation: all women are competitively promiscuous.

Consider the use of the word “female” in these posts. It is not a neutral term here, it is a term of abuse. It’s used by teenage boys to degrade us and equate us to animals. Boys are never described as “males”, but girls are always “females” – the equivalent of sows or calves, creatures that are less than human. We’re also “thots” (whores), “community pussy” and “bops”. “Bop” stands for “been over passed” and is a derogatory term used by boys to refer to a girl they’ve decided has been “passed around” or had too much sex. Sexual equality has ceased to exist online. It’s absolutely fine for boys to have sex, but when girls do, they are called worthless and referred to as objects. “When community pussy tries to insult me, I just want to beat that bitch up.” That’s a message I saw on TikTok.

I’m a 15-year-old schoolgirl and like most teenagers I spend a fair portion of my spare time on social media, often scrolling through short-form videos on apps such as Instagram or TikTok. All of my friends use those apps, and many spend multiple hours a day on them. I actively try to avoid online misogyny, but I am met with it incessantly whenever I open my mainstream social media apps. It only takes a few minutes before there’s subtle or overt misogyny, such as comment sections on a girl’s post filled with remarks about her body, videos made by men or boys captioned with a degrading joke, and even topics such as domestic violence or rape, trivialised and laughed about.

  • Foreigner@lemmy.worldEnglish
    102·
    2 days ago

    I don’t think telling women and girls to stay off social media is going to fix the issue. She also talks about this kind of language and views being parroted in real life. You can tell your kids to stay off social media but that doesn’t mean they’re going to be immune from this if other people don’t do the same. The bigger problem is boys are being radicalised online, and no one is coming down on social media platforms that profit off of this happening.

    • realitista@lemmus.orgEnglish
      4·
      2 days ago

      “If you can’t change the world, then change yourself”. I agree the boys/men who harrass women online are the problem. If you have a fix I’m happy to try helping. But in the absence of one there is only one other alternative

      • Foreigner@lemmy.worldEnglish
        61·
        2 days ago

        But the alternative mentioned doesn’t exactly work. Even if your intention is to save your own children they will still be exposed, whether you k Like it or not.

        There are a lot of different things people can do, locally or otherwise:

        • Demand accountability from platforms by way of pressure on your representatives. And no I don’t mean age verification, I mean using some of their profits to better moderate content online.
        • Support politicians who push for responsible social media.
        • Get involved in your school’s PTA or equivalent, and raise the issue, form a group with parents and teachers to learn about the issue and work on ways to tackle it.
        • Reach out to organisations that are fighting against this problem and ask how you can support/get more involved.
        • If appropriate, empower your kids, especially boys, to speak up and stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. Teach your kids what behaviours are not ok and if they see those behaviours to act (whether that means speaking up or reaching out to adults to intervene).
        • Stop giving money to irresponsible organisations who perpetuate the problem and instead start supporting companies that use ethical practices (though I acknowledge that’s usually not simple nor cheap).
        • If you’re a man, support and/or get involved men’s groups that are working to address the problem, especially through outreach programmes to young and vulnerable boys and men. If there isn’t one, look to start one in your community.

        Those are just some I could think of off the top of my head. Change doesn’t happen overnight, it takes action from multiple people. But throwing our arms up and putting the responsibility on the victims alone (which doesn’t even work) is not it.