20 Point plan:

1. Put a bullet in Putin’s head. Bury the body upside down in an outhouse’s full hole with permafrost. The outhouse will remain in operation in perpetuity as a functional national monument.
2. Let the remaining Russian generals have a celebratory meal of Polonium Soup.
3. Let the Russian cabinet of ministers wank each other to celebrate peace with fleshlights lubed with novichok and sand.
4. All Russian foreign assets including Putin’s personal fortune go to reconstructing Ukraine. All lands returned +10% as the start of an apology.
5. Russia will start a youth program to ecologically restore Ukraine first by demining, then by picking out the shrapnel and debris out of the soil.
6. All Ukrainians in Russia are returned home and are given three free faceslaps of their captors to be used at time of their choosing.
7. Russian national media will start a weekly broadcast called “Why are we always such assholes?”
8. Russia will hand over all nukes to Ukraine with a promise they will never invade Russia.
9. By law, every time someone in Russia dies from falling out a window, one their secret service agency has to throw out one of their own out the same window. The person will be selected by lottery.
10. Russia will decomission it’s fossil fuel industry and become leaders in green technology. During the difficult transition, Russia will power their economy with giant hamster wheels filled with military veterans.
11. The Russian Military’s uniform will be changed to pink tutus. Rank will be indicated by tiara size and structure. 10% of training must be ballet. Anyone who fails to achieve proficiency is ejected.
12. Russian police forces now have to protect protesters and public speeches. Their uniforms include t-shirts, shorts and flip flops.
13. All foreign military bases will be converted to ice cream stores.
14. The Russian submarine fleet will be hollowed out and welded together to make a giant waterslide.
15. LGBTQ2S+ will be embraced with cultural facilities provided for.
16. Agent Krasnov (Trump) will be recalled and will clean the toilets at said facilities.
17. Small arms facilities (AK47 etc…) will be converted to produce sex toys. Lord knows they need it.
18. Heavy arms production facilities will be converted to production of bigger, better sex toys.
19. Russia will institute immediate democratic proportional representation elections where candidates are chosen by lottery from an “Oh god! Please, no!” Registry.
20. Russia can perform at Eurovision, but only with Drag artists.