Ye TIFU big time, not only today but the next years to come.
I always thought I wanted kids, but after we married I started realising I don’t want kids. I like the freedom I have, playing video games, going to gym, travel,… all with only my wife.
My TIFU: I realised way too late after marrying and building a house that wanting kids will never be what I want. I always listened to people: “That will change, believe me”; “When your older you will!”
The thought of a kid might be good sometimes, but the more I think of it the worse it gets.
I had to talk with my wife and she started crying, understandable.
We are now in our house, I still love her and she still loves me but the kids problem is a huge problem cause she only wants kids with me. She is now 33, already “old” for kids.
I think I destroyed everything. I can’t change somehow that I don’t want kids, I was hoping that my thoughts of “Yeah maybe in future, would be cool” would turn into something I’d do anything for. But it’s just not happening and I feel like I lived a lie to her, giving her wrong hopes and we married, built house,…
It’s nothing I couldn’t solve though, I just feel bad for her and I feel like I should just give her a kid before her chance vanishes. I don’t think she will find a new man in a while to get kids right away. She is already 33.
I don’t know what her plans are yet. I told her Im open to anything, let her date and find someone I don’t want to be in her way and I won’t make it harder than it already is. I’d just disapear a while and if she needs me she can call. I’d always be there for her, even if she finds a new person and this person would break up with her I’d support her even if it wouldn’t be my own child.
It’s weird cause I still love her, she loves me (I guess), but the “child problem” is so huge I dont want to say: “you cant have kids” nor do I want to just get a kid to make her happy.
The best thing that could happen is if she would find someone who wants kids and loves her just as much as I do and me leaving.
Once this is all over I will never ever get a new person in my life. Not because I couldn’t, I just want my peace. I think Im a loner and better off alone. But I’d still be there if she calls me in the middle of the night (if she would, I don’t think she’d ever do it after this) but I’d still remain helping her if ever needed. This doesn’t make it easier for her though. And not for me either.
But the TIFU is about me fuc.king up and I guess it’s all me to blame for not wanting childrend and knowing this so “late” after all this.
Nothing I can fix. The only solution would be just making a kid and playing my role the next 18 years until it moves out.
EDIT: Im just discovering that I more and more do not want kids. Looking at my friends, who can’t sleep all night, who can’t go on vacations or afford simple things,… or even worse: looking at my friend who has 3 kids and a house but divorced. He is living in a 20m² room, paying 1200 € child support and 50% f the house and he is broke. And yes, there are also positive examples of quiet kids and good families, but I just don’t want to risk it and just cause I raise a kid doesn’t mean it’ll be with me forever.
I know many people 60+ who have children that never visit them.
Everything around kids is paradoxical. Worried about whether having kids is a bad idea? You’re probably better suited to parenthood than people who ‘oopsie’ out kids at random. Having kids is murder on your personal freedom, finances, relationships, and every parent I’ve ever met has hated their effect on their lives, but parents also say it’s the best mistake they ever made, that they make all the pain feel like it means something. Kids are everything people hate about other adults, being noisy, willful, ignorant, unsocialized, entitled, demanding, and annoying, but lots of people still like them. They have to be protected from everything, but exposed to life to learn from it. They are the most precious things in the world, but so easy to make that the stupidest people in the world can have a dozen. People have them to have someone to care for them in their dotage but end up with a genetic ‘Nat 1’ that leaves them parenting someone who can never return the favor. People obsess over getting it right and leave lasting psychological trauma while others wing it and end up with well-adjusted adults. People are horrified at the thought of abandoning them, but end up staying and putting the kid in a home with someone who hates them for their mere existence. Is that better or worse? Is it any wonder no one can make sense of it that reaches past their own limited experience?