Ye TIFU big time, not only today but the next years to come.

I always thought I wanted kids, but after we married I started realising I don’t want kids. I like the freedom I have, playing video games, going to gym, travel,… all with only my wife.

My TIFU: I realised way too late after marrying and building a house that wanting kids will never be what I want. I always listened to people: “That will change, believe me”; “When your older you will!”

The thought of a kid might be good sometimes, but the more I think of it the worse it gets.

I had to talk with my wife and she started crying, understandable.

We are now in our house, I still love her and she still loves me but the kids problem is a huge problem cause she only wants kids with me. She is now 33, already “old” for kids.

I think I destroyed everything. I can’t change somehow that I don’t want kids, I was hoping that my thoughts of “Yeah maybe in future, would be cool” would turn into something I’d do anything for. But it’s just not happening and I feel like I lived a lie to her, giving her wrong hopes and we married, built house,…

It’s nothing I couldn’t solve though, I just feel bad for her and I feel like I should just give her a kid before her chance vanishes. I don’t think she will find a new man in a while to get kids right away. She is already 33.

I don’t know what her plans are yet. I told her Im open to anything, let her date and find someone I don’t want to be in her way and I won’t make it harder than it already is. I’d just disapear a while and if she needs me she can call. I’d always be there for her, even if she finds a new person and this person would break up with her I’d support her even if it wouldn’t be my own child.

It’s weird cause I still love her, she loves me (I guess), but the “child problem” is so huge I dont want to say: “you cant have kids” nor do I want to just get a kid to make her happy.

The best thing that could happen is if she would find someone who wants kids and loves her just as much as I do and me leaving.

Once this is all over I will never ever get a new person in my life. Not because I couldn’t, I just want my peace. I think Im a loner and better off alone. But I’d still be there if she calls me in the middle of the night (if she would, I don’t think she’d ever do it after this) but I’d still remain helping her if ever needed. This doesn’t make it easier for her though. And not for me either.

But the TIFU is about me fuc.king up and I guess it’s all me to blame for not wanting childrend and knowing this so “late” after all this.

Nothing I can fix. The only solution would be just making a kid and playing my role the next 18 years until it moves out.

EDIT: Im just discovering that I more and more do not want kids. Looking at my friends, who can’t sleep all night, who can’t go on vacations or afford simple things,… or even worse: looking at my friend who has 3 kids and a house but divorced. He is living in a 20m² room, paying 1200 € child support and 50% f the house and he is broke. And yes, there are also positive examples of quiet kids and good families, but I just don’t want to risk it and just cause I raise a kid doesn’t mean it’ll be with me forever.

I know many people 60+ who have children that never visit them.

  • Hello_there@fedia.io
    112·
    10 days ago

    I have a homework assignment for you.
    I think before you make a decision like closing the door on parenthood forever you should have a full picture of what it involves.

    Find a family. Someone with a 4-6 year old kid. One kid better than multiple. Explain the general situation. Say you want to spend a couple of weekends and part of a weekday with the family at their home to just acclimate to what being around kids is like.

    Youll be able to see the full spectrum of parenting. The cute moments, the tantrums, the learning, the growth, what the parents have to do. Little visits only show a portion of that. A weekend will give the full picture.

    I think you may be over focused on the initial couple of years of babyhood. A two or three year old is starting to be their own lil person. And at four on they are a full person with quirks and talents and everything. I can hang out with them, watch spongebob, go on hikes or go out to eat hamburgers or ice cream. It’s great.
    Of course, that’s paired with responsibility and having to get them dressed and fed and cleaned every morning, but that’s the trade.

    I’ll also say that parenting is a skill. You can be a shit parent of babies but a great parent of teenagers. Or your spouse can be great at one part and you pick up the slack on the other part. So don’t feel like you have to be the super parent that can do everything.