Hey everyone, I’m hoping to get some advice for my partner.
She and I both have ADHD. She consistently has great difficulty communicating clearly and neither of us is sure what to do about it. Where an ideal narrative could be mapped in a straight line, hers would look like a series of loops, whorls, and jagged deviations as she frequently repeats herself, relays events out of order, changes topics inappropriately and without warning, omits entire parts of sentences, etc.
I love her so much so it pains me to say that it’s bad. It’s really, really bad, and I see how it frustrates her. It’s interfering with our relationship as it makes even low stakes conversations agonizing and higher stakes topics often impossible. It holds her back in her personal and professional life. I used to have the same issue, but what helped me isn’t really applicable for her.
Does anyone have any resources, ADHD specific or not, that might help her get started in basic, effective communication? She’s such a wonderful, intelligent person, and I just want to help her succeed in being able to share that with others.
I like the outline idea! I suspect it’s the abstraction that makes conversation difficult. A physical, manipulatable, visual reminder might help. You’ve given me an idea for like… a dry erase worksheet.
Unfortunately, she’s already medicated - the maximum daily adderall dosage plus strattera. I think she’d do a lot better if she added in lifestyle changes like improving her sleep hygiene, exercising, meditating, reminder systems, etc (that’s what keeps me okay), but we need to get where I can discuss that with her without the conversation quickly going off the rails.
Yes it will be difficult, and the medication I would presume would help clear the way for the upcoming changes, being somewhat necessary though frustratingly not fully sufficient to accomplish everything entirely on its own:-).
Last year I tried to go off medication because I had been on it (extended release ritalin) for seven years and wanted to see where I was (and I had been laid off so I was less scared of work impact and was keen for things to be a bit different). Did that for half a year and then went back to the doctor. Tried Strattera because I thought it might be milder on the stomach - it did nothing for me. Then we tried lisdexamfetamine because it has a reputation for “being better” and my doctor thinks it’s great. And I really tried and varied the dose and so on but it is less effective for me and has more side effects. So now I’m back on Ritalin but trying without time release. Anyway, long story. Just wanted to say that I think high doses of stimulants can make me a bit more anxious and scatterbrained rather than the other way like it’s supposed to. And that Adderall isn’t necessarily better than Ritalin just because it’s more expensive and more “hardcore”.
And I think all the other advice here about writing down a conversation agenda is much more important - not for social bonding conversations of course, only those with a goal. Just wanted to point out that medication adjustment is never ending for this stuff. And maxed out stimulant plus Strattera sounds like a doctor who just upped her prescriptions until they were max and then went “welp, that’s all I can do, bye”.
Finally, a tiny bit of the problem could also be you. Tiny, miniscule bit. Some conversations are just social bonding. They don’t have a purpose and if they meander over lots of topics and shift abruptly that’s fine. It might be a bit uncomfortable for some people, especially if they like scientific rigor and structure. And you might have developed a little antipathy towards those kinds of conversations if your important conversations also get similarly derailed. I certainly would. So written notes for important conversations and space and patience and love for other conversations 😘