I mean, telling OP she was rude and that she should’ve apologized to the guy is kinda saying we do have to be polite even if we feel uncomfortable.

I don’t think you had ill intent or anything.

Hold their feet to the fire.

It’s a shame and a stain on our humanity how we treat rape victims.

Women don’t have to be polite in their rejection especially when they are feeling uncomfortable.

Fuck Politeness is about putting one’s own safety above other people’s feelings.

Counterpoint to 2 - femme presenting people are often discriminated against whether gender is known or not. Orientation isn’t quite as visible.

My comments are almost always sorted by ‘new’ and I bet that is what’s happening here - their comment is more visible as the post gains traction because it’s newer.

I’ve definitely had the same happen to me, so at least you’re not alone hahah

It’s not that she definitely avoided rape by doing so, it’s an explanation why women don’t have to give men the benefit of doubt. That man’s feelings aren’t more important than her safety.

There’s also the attitude here that she was being super rude and mean to this man even though he was rude for insisting on a conversation first.

Women do not have to be polite to men just because men want them to be.

https://sh.itjust.works/post/68309381/27940884

I was responding to a specific comment.

Just take a few seconds to reflect on how the message you’re spreading throughout the whole thread (that 1/3 women have been raped, etc) can be received by young boys.

I am not going to obfuscate facts because some men feel defensive that the majority of rapists share a gender with them. These are truths. It shouldn’t be on women to shut up about what our lives entail because it makes some boys and men feel icky.

If they want less women to be raped, then they need to join with us to help tackle the rates of sexual assault.

But the way to solve it is to teach people about consent, not to treat every man as a rapist.

That’s exactly what I push for here and have never treated every man as a rapist. More education, more sex education, more knowledge about consent and what rape really looks like (it’s not all forcible rape, etc), more empathy for girls and women.

The Cornell case is a perfect example of this.

But telling little boys that they’re all worthless evil rapists isn’t healthy either.

No one is saying that here.

Antagonizing little boys isn’t the way we get out of this.

How is OP antagonizing little boys by not engaging in small talk with a man she doesn’t know?

Oh ok, so if women aren’t nicer to men, they’re going to be raped and trafficked even more?

Great motivation.

There is a urgent and growing problem with young men that is going to impact the lives of women and the response cannot be to point fingers and go “buh buh buh men!”.

How will it impact the lives of women?

Women aren’t required to make small talk because a man wants it.

Here’s another study for you:

Women’s rights are regressing worldwide, warns UN gender equality chief

Together, these barriers mean that women worldwide have 64 per cent of the legal rights of men whilst 54 per cent of countries lack consent based legal definitions of rape.

This one is also from 2026, by the way.

A new global study conducted by Ipsos in collaboration with the Global Institute for Women’s Leadership at King’s College London and International Women’s Day finds that the majority of men agree that that women won’t achieve equality without their support but half believe they are expected to do too much to support women’s equality.

Is this really the study you wanted to use to prove your point?

Also that study is 6 years old and misogyny has been on the rise since then. Here’s a more up to date study from the same source as yours:

The majority of men feel they are already doing too much for equality. Fifty-four per cent of men across 29 countries feel they are doing too much, compared to 38% of women.

One in two men think the push for equality discriminates against them. On average, 52% of men agree “we have gone so far in promoting women’s equality that we are discriminating against men”. Only 36% of women feel the same.

But, and it’s a big but, we are also not reflecting on what this is doing to the psyche of men of which the majority are “good”.

It is not women’s responsibility to put aside our fear of rape and murder to make men feel better about themselves. It’s on men to call out other men, protect women in these types of situations, and treat others with kindness so that kindness can be returned.

We also need to educate our youth what respect and consent mean and that women aren’t objects to be gained or used by men.

I didn’t enjoy growing up in a world where women are sexualized and raped at such high rates.

Oh and blatantly judging men is somehow not part of the problem?

If men don’t want to be judged, then don’t approach a woman who clearly doesn’t want to talk and insist on talking anyway despite her discomfort.

Can you take a wild guess at answering your own question here?

Why would women be afraid of men they don’t know as a default?

It’s really insulting that you had reduced women’s fear of men down to being influenced by social media.

1 in every 4 women have been raped. That number goes up when taking into account how many rapes go unreported.

Bystander effect is a real thing, you can’t be certain that the people milling about would help you. You also don’t know how many people were around OP at the time, you’re guessing.

Stop telling women that it’s social media that’s scaring them about men. Start telling the men around you to stop scaring women.

It is rude to approach a woman abruptly while she is alone and continue to talk to her when she looks uncomfortable. It does not make that woman feel safe. She doesn’t know that man only wants to small talk and you don’t know that either.

I think any man that approaches a woman who is alone and exhibiting body language that is not open to conversation and then proceeds to sit down near her and start a conversation rudely is a problem.

It’s not just any man.