i mean just because something is a social construct doesn’t mean it has no real effects on people lives or importance in society. money is a social construct too, but it still affects people and society in major ways, and can be an extremely useful tool.

personally, i think that gender is a useful concept to describe a difficult to quantify/describe part of a persons being, and the majority of people identify with some aspect of gender in some way in their lives. because of that, imo, it’s a good word that should be kept around

i haven’t heard it before- what’s it mean?

i’m sorry, i’m just not sure i’m following what you mean in your very last paragraph 😅 can you explain? i think i’m just OOTL or something

i think the one person in the article makes a good point about how this sort of thing can make it more difficult for lgbt people actually living in malaysia, but overall i’d say i think that this is a super great thing overall. it’s ridiculous and terrible how intolerant and stuck in the past some countries are.

maybe less, though i’ve also been spending less time on social media like that lately anyways. though i do like lemmy, reddit has a lot more content in general and subs for my more niche interests (mostly battlejackets), so i do find myself scrolling there a fair amount. it tends to be a more conscious decision though, which is good, and i tend to stick to only a few subs that i really like. less mindless scrolling, more hunting for inspiration and conversation.

i don’t follow. that doesn’t mean all of them are terrible? i’m sure all the men who feel like they can’t talk to anyone about their problems like sexual assault, suicidal thoughts, and unfair expectations from a patriarchal society are really comforted by the thought that it’s people just like them that cause others unbelievable suffering. that’ll really boost their spirits!

well, i disagree. i’m not trying to claim cishet white men are oppressed, i never said that, and people who do are flat out wrong. i’m just saying that, because of their privilege (which i’m agreeing they obviously do have), their problems with things like mental health are heavily overlooked and dismissed. men suffer from expectations related to toxic masculinity and the patriarchy. sexual assault against men gets laughed at and joked about, it’s not acceptable for men to show emotions or cry, and in this society men need to be strong all the time. even small things like how men should pay for dinner on a date or hold the car door open are unfair expectations placed on men alone.

i am not trying to say that men have issues comparable to poc or lgbt folks. i’m just saying that what men go through are real problems that need to be validated, not brushed off. being brushed off is exactly what drives men to incel forums- no one else will sympathize with their struggles whatsoever. we need to be better at this.

how come? what’s his reasoning?

agreed. imo cishet men (especially white men) tend to have their problems completely overlooked and invalidated by our community just because they are comparatively privileged, but that’s not right. they absolutely do have problems they have to deal with too, plenty of which are from the patriarchy, and i think that just talking to him about what he’s feeling is totally the best way to go about this.

i would assume they brought it up since being heterosexual is the norm because the majority of the population is heterosexual

i would assume they brought it up since being heterosexual is the norm because the majority of the population is heterosexual

i really appreciate this response! i wasn’t expecting you to be understanding, since expressing sentiments like this get people even banned on certain subr*ddits, so it’s refreshing. especially because most people tend to be very one way or the other- either us “real” asexuals experience no sexual attraction whatsoever and everyone else is allo, or absolutely anybody who experiences slightly abnormal attraction is asexual. the nuance of “yes i acknowledge graysexuals and such are real and also need support groups, but saying they are specifically asexual feels like it’s muddying the meaning of the label” is very much where i lie and i like getting to have others who agree :)

i do agree that sex favourable aces get fair use for the term and need support for their unique struggles as well. being sexually attractive to your partner is an understandable necessity in relationships for some, and not being able to provide that for your partner or make them feel desired in that way sounds difficult. though i admit i do find it kind of annoying when people get mad at others online for assuming asexual means no sex, though i understand where they’re coming from.

i think the biggest issue that comes with the broadness of the label is that those like me- sex repulsed aces- oftentimes feel unsafe or uncomfortable in asexual spaces, which is a true shame. on top of that, it is exceedingly difficult (speaking from experience) to find exclusively sex repulsed spaces, even when actively searching for them. i don’t struggle so much anymore with being sex repulsed, but in the past it’s been very difficult to deal with, and i haven’t been able to find nearly as much support as you’d think in popular ace communities.

i agree with a lot of what you’ve said :) thank you for sharing

wtf this is actually true though 💀💀💀

i understand what you mean, it makes sense to me that something like that wouldn’t necessarily be considered allosexuality if the individual doesn’t actually want to have sex with the person. i think i just don’t see the purpose of differentiation at a point- for example a sex favourable person who both gets aroused by their partner and actively seeks out and enjoys sex on a regular basis could feasibly be labelled as asexual within this community, and i feel like that would be a very misleading term to use to describe them. (not saying that’s the commenter you were talking to, just an example.)

(this isn’t meant to be taking anything out on you or the other commenter by any means, i’m just venting a bit.) i think i might just be personally frustrated by having so many people fall under the “asexuality umbrella” who live relatively normal lives in regards to sex and relationships, while i’m a rather sex repulsed ace. i feel like with the label being so broad and inclusive it’s like i need to find something else to call myself- i’d be really uncomfortable if someone heard me say “asexual” to describe myself and think i’d be interested in sex at all, but that’s really what the label has been coming to and idk how to feel about it.

sorry, i’m a bit confused- how is arousal at the sight of someone not sexual attraction? what even is sexual attraction then?

just bi. imo terms like pan and omni don’t fulfill the criteria to be a “good label”* well enough for me to adopt- omni is not well known at all, and pan is too confusing what with all its different definitions. with pan especially, i find that i need to ask every individual who uses it exactly what they mean when they use it, since everyone says something different (regardless of genders, all genders, etc.) which is just too much hassle compared to the very well known bi.

*just my opinion for labels, idrc if others use omni or pan but for me at least i think the whole purpose of a label is to convey a concept to others quickly and easily

i think this is a great discussion topic, thank you for bringing it up! i should preface this also by saying that my perspective comes from that of a sex averse/repulsed asexual- so in both real life and tv/books/fiction, i get uncomfortable by sexual topics generally speaking. this does extend to some forms of PDA for couples of all orientation as well, though i should clarify that i have no issue with what consenting adults do in their homes, as that is not my business.

others have already pointed out that the exact phrase you included tends to unfairly target queer people, so i will touch on it as though it were being equally applied to straight and queer people. if others being sexual in public makes you uncomfortable, there is nothing wrong with staying in that mindset in my opinion, especially if it is your comfort zone as is. while moving out of it could be personally beneficial if possible (not being uncomfortable is more pleasant than being uncomfortable), it’s not morally wrong to be uncomfortable. don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise.

while passing judgement on others for being sexual in public is a separate topic, and one many here would say is immoral, idk how to feel. i really try not to judge others for PDA, but if it’s like, really intense… i think it’d be lying to say i don’t judge others at all for it. but i don’t think that’s objectively morally wrong or something, i just have my own quiet opinions and keep them to myself. that’s okay too.

i generally agree with what you’ve said here, but think that you might be joining the ideas of someone who says they are uncomfortable by these things and someone who passes judgement on others for these things. while these are not mutually exclusive, i think that someone who is uncomfortable by PDA from couples of all orientations exist and should be acknowledged.

ie me. i’m a sex averse/repulsed asexual, and feel very uncomfortable by some forms of PDA (regardless of orientation) while also trying to not pass judgement on others for being someday romantic/sexual in public. i’m not trying to insert myself into anyone’s story, and i i’m not trying to make anyone conform to my internal rule book, like you’re suggesting- i just get uncomfortable when people are sexual with each other in basically any context. and i don’t think that should be shunned or degraded.

awwwww :3 i love that image! coming to the realize that that girl is you is so awesome and special too!

that’s really cool, diamond is actually sick as fuck lol. a spring number of people have similar stories here, with their name originating as a gamer tag- really nice connection!