Good to get confirmation - I cut around it and will see how it goes. If it is a goner, at least now I know what to do better next time 😔

The YA series Uglies will always be one of my favorites. I remember reading it as a tween and not knowing quite how to describe it; a friend called it a dystopian novel, which is true, but… it didn’t feel quite “right”, or at least, like the complete truth. The setting is utopian, bordering on solarpunk; no more worrying about climate change or overconsumption - we’ve fixed the climate, everything we own is infinitely recyclable in minutes, nature is healing! - the only thing we need to worry about is looking good at the party. But, it turns out, living in a society where the most important thing in the world is being beautiful - even if everyone is beautiful - is maybe… not great? Almost by design?

It was written to be a critique of plastic surgery, but I think there’s so much to dig into even as an adult in 2023. It probably lit a nice rebellious fire in teenage me, questioning authority and the seemingly unquestionable rules of the world. The relationships between the characters are still fascinating to me, and I’m still mesmerized by the beautiful, terrible world they live in. Even though the writing style is very simple to be easily digestible to early readers, the ideas the book explores are as complicated as you let them be. Surveillance, nature vs. nurture, institutionalized self-hatred, autonomy, sustainability, forced metamorphosis… there’s a lot to unpack.

That’s fair. Are you in a place where everybody knows each other? If your parents aren’t really likely to hear it from anywhere else, you can also come out to other people, like at school or in your social circles, without necessarily having to come out to your family.

I get what you mean, but I disagree. As a teen, I thought I had an obligation to come out to everyone, and make a whole big announcement. It was a huge relief to hear that actually, I don’t owe anyone information that would be exhausting to share and could make my life harder. It was my choice, and no one else’s, and there was no timeline I had to follow.

Exactly this! I pick and choose who knows based on how comfy I am around someone. Like you, I’m bi in a “straight-passing” relationship, so many people aren’t aware; my dad will probably never know unless I date a girl, or he finds out in some random way, but I just don’t really care to share that part of my life with him. The older I get, the less effort I make to keep anything a secret. But I don’t make a strong conscious effort to come out to people if I don’t feel like it.

Hot take, but you don’t actually have to come out if you don’t feel like it. Or, you can come out in another way - for example, when the time comes, be like “hey, I have a [boy/girl/whatever applicable term]friend and I want you to meet them.” If you still want to be out but don’t feel like it right now, maybe wait a little bit and then come out to the people you’re most sure will respond well.

Good luck with your journey and I hope it goes better next time. Just remember to listen to your needs and not push yourself out of any sense of obligation.

Not parents but I just accidentally came out as an NB person (also adult) to my brother yesterday. He had a hard time with me coming out as bi, which confused me, but it’s been nearly a decade since then. I told him I wanted to change my name and he was very confused; I mentioned I wanted something gender-neutral, and he asked if I was nonbinary.

I think he was skeptical, and surprised - he’d lived with me since I was a child, surely if I wasn’t cis, he would’ve known, right? But his partner helped him to approach it with an open mind and to be supportive. Overall, it was way easier and more inconsequential than I thought; at the same time, I’m thrilled to be able to talk about my life authentically, with him and around him, and not worry about every word.

If you want my advice on difficult conversations like this? If it’s safe, do it during a long car ride. It’s a situation where the other person really has to sit with what you’re saying and work through it. Obviously it can cut both ways - they’re stuck with you, but you’re also stuck with them - but in my experience, it’s been great.

For sure. There are so many examples of shitty depictions of trans people from that time, but for some reason, the one that specifically really stuck with me was the movie Click - probably because it was one of the only depictions of FtM people I’d seen in media, like, ever, at the time. It reinforced the idea that if I was trans, that would be a horrible thing, and I could never let anybody know.

I’m so glad that things are so completely different now; the depictions of trans people in media now are so varied and there are many really positive ones, and it’s really lovely to see the trans pride flag out and about. Being a transphobe is popular among shitheads, but it’s much more uncool than back then; if you’re openly a transphobe nowadays, most people probably hate dealing with you.

Definitely feel it on the suppression front. I remember “figuring it out” when I was around 12, when I’d first heard of being trans, and knowing that that was me, and that I needed to shove it down as deep as possible because of what everyone said about trans people. I didn’t really start coming out as nb until I was maybe 24, and now it’s just amazing to live in a new place with new people who all know me as I really am. I’m so much happier now 🥺

I know it’s not the case everywhere, but I also am so amazed at how different things are for kids/teens nowadays. I felt like a freak that had to hide forever so no one could learn my horrible secret. Now, there are people I knew as babies who are out, and their friends celebrate them so authentically. Being out in high school was unimaginable to me; it’s really beautiful to see that things are so different. Things are getting better socially (even if politically they’re still a dumpster fire), and it gives me hope for the future.

And I really am indecisive as all hell 😭 I’m the reason for all the stereotypes :'(

Yes! I love being bi and nonbinary. I love that it opened me up to a huge community of people who I otherwise might not have gotten to know. I love girls and I love guys. I love sharing my love of girls with my male partner. I love being seen and accepted for who I am in ways that are comfortable for me - not trying to conform to an image of masculine or feminine, but rather, being seen as someone who is both and neither, just getting to be “some guy” and “a cute girl” at the same time.

I don’t regret a thing about it; my only regret is that I didn’t figure out I should do something about not being cis sooner, and that I could’ve gotten puberty blockers before it was too late. If I could’ve delayed puberty, I could avoid having to save up tens of thousands of dollars for top surgery.

This is how I feel. I’d rather have things be fragmented than be too big to fail. A lot of people have joked in the past few years that it feels like the internet only has 4 sites on it now; I’m pretty happy to be back to browsing multiple. It reminds me of following multiple forums around the same topics back in the day. Variety is the spice of life!

I try to get used books over new almost always. The only exceptions are for books that just came out that I desperately need to devour instantly and the library physical/digital wait is months.

This is pretty much true for most things in my life, I look for used/freecycle first for anything I need for environmentalist reasons. I remember seeing a comment years ago about how even those who are anti-consumerist still have a huge blind spot when it comes to books, and that was totally me - I had dozens of books I’d bought before ever reading, only read once, and didn’t even like that much. Having to declutter all of those books for a move was exhausting - used bookstores wouldn’t even take most of them for free, regardless of condition or how much I’d originally paid for them - and I’ve been trying to only purchase books I’ve already read, know I’ll reread, and that I can find used in good condition.

On the official app and site, subs that went private completely disappeared from search and subscriptions, even if you’re still able to go to the url. I figure the same is true across various apps.

Scraped, but rearranged into a perfectly readable word salad.

This is how I feel, too. I’m leaving my posts and comments up; ironically, I used to habitually purge my profile every year or so because I was worried about IRL people finding me through my activity, but now, I’d prefer to just leave it. Even if I stop being active on Reddit, it’s currently one of the best ways to find answers to niche problems; I’d like to keep my stuff accessible for anyone looking for extremely specific answers. I’ve been fairly private on Reddit, though, so it feels less sentimental and more practical. (Twitter, on the other hand… I never use it, but everything on it is way too sentimental to nuke.)

I will always, always, always recommend anything by Diana Wynne Jones. I re-read Howl’s Moving Castle at least once a year and it’s always a delight; it’s whimsical, it’s hilarious, it’s got an adorable romance, it’s got it all. If you’ve seen the Ghibli movie adaptation, it’s definitely its own take; I would recommend reading the book for a very different, but still lovely experience. I also love Fire and Hemlock by her, although it might be harder to find.

The Uglies series by Scott Westerfeld is on the cusp of childrens’ and teen lit - I read the books when I was in middle school (so ages 11-14) and reread them pretty often as well. They deal with heavier stuff and I always find something new in my rereads; while the books were written with a critique of plastic surgery in mind, they’re even more relevant in today’s social media landscape. The writing style is fairly simple but the ideas are extremely rich, and the relationships between the characters are just fantastic.

An all-ages one that many people don’t realize is a book: The Princess Bride! Actually read it for the first time towards the end of college, and it’s really good fun. If you’ve seen the movie, you know exactly what to expect, but it doesn’t take away from the experience at all.