I had a similar experience growing up, it sucks. It has ruined my ability to interact with and form relationships with other men.

As a father myself, I am striving to create moments like you witnessed, I refuse to let my children suffer the way I/we have.

I prefer brown noise, it feels less harsh to me.

Edit: should have read the article before commenting, the author includes brown noise.

I feel this in my bones.

My social anxiety would love to give a one word answer and move on, my ADHD/self-doubt/trauma says “are you sure that’s enough? they’ll think you are an idiot and don’t know what you’re doing if you don’t elaborate”

For me, it depends on how much time I have before starting. If the start is immediate, “I’ll figure this out on the fly” then ride that “oh, shit I don’t know what I’m doing” adrenaline fueled dopamine wave all the way to borderline success. If I have lots of time before starting I’ll over analyze then try and fail to become an expert and give up before starting.

Echoing what others have said, get the meds. I’m 39 and have been taking Vyvanse for a couple years; when I forget I am a mess, I can’t believe I made it this far without.

I’ve been working on this lately, what I find helpful is reminding myself that the chore doesn’t have to be done perfectly, and that some progress is better than no progress. I struggle with perfectionism and will put off tasks indefinitely because of fear that if I start wrong or don’t finish it immediately it won’t be perfect. My therapist helped me to realize that perfect is the enemy of done, and that it is ok if something isn’t done perfectly.