It certainly matches up with my ADHD experiences including a past relationship. First diagnosed at 24 or maybe it was 25 and being rather sociable I met people through whatever my particular interest was at the time. Tennis, ju jitsu, volleyball at the park, biking, frequent gym routine, hanging out at a local bar. Most of these were pretty active things until a jackass in a blue gi messed up my knee and slowed my physical activity down considerably for a while.

Girls I met who were really into one active thing were usually also on board with trying another active thing even if it didn’t stick for them but I started to notice a difference between our philosophies on hobbies and interests.

A byproduct of ADHD for many is the ability to learn and acclimate to a new interest really fast and it wasn’t long after my diagnosis that I came to understand my frequently changing interests were replacements more often than they were additions.

When my knee became an issue I got really into cooking, then magic the gathering, then D&D and other table top games, and pc gaming in general. The girl I was dating at the time helped by being a really good point of reflection as I jumped from interest to interest and she was struggling to follow despite still enjoying each other’s company. She liked that I was enthusiastic about things and loved that energy but since she wasn’t able to share my new interests as well it strained our relationship a bit.

I was in therapy with a great doctor regarding my adhd diagnosis still at the time and she helped me through the stages of grief that often comes with ADHD diagnosis. Realizing that despite my efforts I will not always be able to control the way it changes me, my perception, and expectations of others I came to this understanding of self made rules when interacting with partners who do not have ADHD:

I must be clear about my opinion on tasks and topics early. I must make sure they understand my experience through the lens of ADHD is likely very different from theirs. I must communicate how a thing feels calmly when the context is still fresh in their mind. I must work with them to establish a fair system of equal compromises because neither of our own ways is more “right” than the others in most circumstances. I must try to recognize when I am facing a task or responsibility that my disorder will make me resent completing and I should share that feeling and explanation with my partner whenever I can.

Keep in mind these are some psychotic “I must always obey these internal rules!” kind of things but rather they are helpful reminders that I am not the imagined high energy, happy go lucky person I sometimes come off as and being up front about my quirks helps set the right expectations in a relationship. Not everyone can deal with an ADHD partner and it’s shameful as well as harmful to yourself to try and trick them otherwise even if you do it with good intentions.

You do not need to feel ashamed of false advertising because with ADHD, it was never really your choice. Even in this post you still wish you could enjoy that interest but the fact is, you don’t and that really sucks because it’s one of the things ADHD has robbed you of.

If you are just about to get your diagnosis then make sure to get into some therapy too along with medication if you go that route as you will likely start learning a lot about yourself now that the mystery of your nature is made more clear.

Its like putting on glasses for the first time if you grew up with bad vision. You never knew how many details there were in some things ubtill you could see them through new eyes and once you start to learn more about ADHD and you can recognize things in your life enough to ask “is this a me thing? Or is this an ADHD thing?” you will gain a much broader perspective.

Oh and to answer your final questions, yes this sounds a great deal like ADHD to me with a healthy dose of strong introspection and unfortunately medication does not treat this part of the disorder. The meds are a crutch to help you focus on things you don’t want to focus on naturally. Everything else will need to be treated by you learning about what makes your particular brain tick the way it does.

So why not hang out with them outside of the workplace?

Yep, I really enjoy my job too and I even work with some really good people but I keep my personal life… personal. It’s not like I hide my personality and life from my colleagues but I’ve got enough friends that I don’t feel like I need to add any more to my inner circle.

I don’t mean to say that the place can’t be nice but I would hope your home is of greater comfort than your workplace in most cases.

Obviously some different life circumstances influence your options of making new friends as an adult. I can certainly understand your perspective there but perhaps it’s hard for me to relate since my significant other and I have no children nor do our friend and none of us desire to ever have them either.

I’m sure they consume a great deal of time and energy that probably drives a person to crave social experiences away from them. If work is the only place they can get away from them I can understand that too but hobbies can still be an option.

World feels overcrowded as it is. Getting a shit deal because so many others choose to have kids and then want to force people to spend time trapped in a box with them… It’s like a whole population of people having their cake and eating it too… Or whatever expression fits best here for an unfair, double-dipping advantage…

And actually now that I think of it, two of our friend group did have kids and we all drifted apart because they were no longer able to commit time and weekends like we did to each other.

They used to often say “we should all hang out again!” and such but then either we’re never available or had to leave early or host events at their place which required interacting with their kids and I gotta say toddlers are not skillful conversationalists.

I don’t have a solution for people with kids trying to find friends at work. I can understand why it might seem appealing to them but speaking from the other side, it feels like a burden I shouldn’t have to carry.

I’m sure you have friends outside of work right?

That’s the part I never understand about people who connect working in office and with the fun of seeing others is person.

Why are you so willing to put up with commuting, office quality furniture, public restroom facilities, sick people who realllllly should have leverage optional work from home days or just regular old sick time… When you could just have more time for friends outside of the workplace.

I see my friends on weekends or they come over and we have game nights spending quality time with each other rather than infrequent unplanned interactions when we both should be doing something else.

My personal life friends are the people I “jump” for. Not coworkers. Having to “jump” for a coworker is and should be an inconvenience in the workplace because it means a failure of planning occurred somewhere. You can still have friendly camaraderie in the face of inconvenient circumstances but I don’t think you need to have some deep relationship to help out a colleague. That comes with the job to some extent.

When I’ve become friends with people from work, I invite them into my entirely separate personal life and in fact that is the case for one of my closest friends.

I just feel like If you wanna hang out with people from the office invite them to something outside of the office. The whole captive audience thing is such a demoralizing foundation to start a friendship with.