This is an excellent explanation with so much information that I have learned the hard way! Especially the points about not being ashamed, emphasis on communication and boundaries, and not stretching yourself too thin with too many partners.
Depending on your needs, your partners’ needs, and your (possibly multiple) relationship style(s), I’d say even three partners can quickly become a “full time” endeavor, which could end up with nobody feeling fulfilled if you’re not careful (plus the burnout is a very real threat)
I’d also emphasize more that opening an existing mono relationship to become ethically non-monogamous is a very difficult thing, and it’s very easy for your partner to take it poorly for one of a million reasons/assumptions. The relationship must be very secure and both parties need to be very mature and experienced and open to new ideas for even the conversation about it to end well, in my experience.
I’m not saying to throw out an existing happy relationship when I say this, but I just want to mention that it’s significantly easier to start from the beginning by only dating people who have experience with polyamorous relationships, once you have decided that polyamory is right for you.
It’s the same as with any other thing in the LGBTQ+ space, you can’t decide about it, you just are.
This isn’t an opinion shared by everyone who is ENM! But it makes me personally really happy to read from someone else. Yes, being in a poly relationship is a choice, but at least for me personally, being poly is just as much a core part of my identity as being asexual and panromantic, and just as much a choice (that is… not at all).
For me, I always was and will be poly at heart regardless of being in a poly or mono relationship, and I’ll always feel “incomplete” in a sense unless I can share my love and my life and my passions and struggles with more than just one person. Maybe my anecdote will offer some insights into what you’re feeling, OP.
Having partners who love that you are poly is so much more fulfilling than just having partners who tolerate it begrudgingly or refuse to let you even acknowledge that aspect of yourself.
It takes a LOT of time and effort to manually tear down one’s learned assumptions about what relationships are and should be, and build your own set of relationship guidelines from the ground up, personalized for you and your partners’ needs and desires. But the result of that hard work is more beautiful and fulfilling and true to oneself than any relationship built on traditional assumptions and expectations. (that applies to mono relationships, too)
Good luck on your journey, OP, and I hope you discover what’s best for you and pursue it to live your best life ^^
Oh that’s definitely true hehe… it’s probably never a good idea to approach polyamory expecting a triangle relationship or even striving for it… it’s already difficult to find people accepting of polyamory that you are compatible with, let alone two people who you are compatible with who are also perfectly compatible with each other.
My partners are pretty happy barely interacting with each other currently, mostly due to lacking common interests. At best, my partners in the past have been good friends who support each other. Only once was the prospect of a triangle relationship even on the table but that didn’t end up working out due to people drifting apart before we even gave it a chance. and my one poly friend that was in a 4-person polycule only was for all of a month before two people left the relationship.
Realistically, V style relationships (of varying complexity and “chain length”) are much more common and stable in my experience, and I think anyone interested in polyamory should take that into account when setting their expectations.