Ironically, my grilled cheese method is to build the sandwich open-faced, place it under the broiler to melt and brown the cheese, then fold it up and cook both sides in a pan. This allows me to fuck it up three different times instead of just once.

I don’t think it’s even “they” any more.

Whatever sense of self-importance a person has can’t survive the first day spent snaking shit out of a sewer pipe.

My cat was a great mouser. Unfortunately, she would only eat the top/front half of the mouse – leaving a little bit of spine sticking out – and then put the rest on my pillow next to my head while I was asleep. Let’s just say that scene in The Godfather Part I hits home.

During the 2024 election, Fetterman castigated his fellow Democrats (lol as if Fetterman is really a Democrat) for even mentioning Trump’s felony conviction, saying “we’re supposed to be the party of forgiveness”. The same man who called Trump signs “PA’s state flower”.

Visual Sauce Safe, for us oldheads.

No, I literally drive a school bus. I like the gig, but as a manager he is making something like eight times what I make (and probably a lot more than that).

Lol we were all laid off. He’s now a manager at Comcast and I drive a school bus.

I’m currently reviving a personal iOS project that I last worked on almost 10 years ago. At the time, I was working under a (much younger) tech lead who was a firm advocate of the “all comments are bad” philosophy and reported me to management as being technically incompetent because I commented my code. Thank god I’m technically incompetent because there’s no fucking way I could be making any sense of my 10-year-old code without those comments.

Somebody here is probably going to reply that nobody literally thinks all comments are bad, but I assure that you such people do exist in this profession.

Lol I haven’t coded on paper first since I started programming … in the '70s on my friend’s Commodore-20.

I was fine with mentoring junior developers until my manager decided pair programming was the way to go. I’m happy to help and teach, but like fuck am I going to sit at the same goddamn computer with some maroon all day. Can’t even power-nap properly.

It’s true that they’re not political actors. They’re political whores. And they’re not even high-priced whores.

I wrote mobile apps for Blackberry back in the day. As part of their security fixation, all library modules you incorporated had to be signed as your app was compiling, even if you were just testing out a single line change. This could make your app take upwards of a whole hour to sign, if the signing servers were even up and running at all; they were often down completely which meant I could go home and get high instead of working. Which is why I never badmouthed Blackberry to my bosses.

The absurdity of having every module signed meant that I had to think long and hard about whether I wanted to use built-in library functionality or just roll my own code. For one UI I needed to use trigonometry functions. These were located (logically or not) in one of the encryption modules which were especially prone to taking a long time to sign, so I ended up writing my own sin()function (in Java) just to save myself ten minutes of compilation time.

This is libelous! That’s a Chuck Schumer quote.

C’mon, killing off Newt and Hicks at the start of the third was unconscionable. It’s in the same category as “somehow, Palpatine returned”.

Alien at least had the second film better than the first, which was a hell of an accomplishment since the first film was great. Fortunately they never even made any movies after the second one.

Too bad you’ll need nine times a lifetime supply!

That reminds me of the old expression “a sucking chest wound is Nature’s Way of telling you you’ve been in a firefight.” I think Sun Tzu said that but I’m not sure.

My favorite is still the killer whales capsizing rich people’s sailboats. Although that would have been even better if the orcas had eaten the free snacks.

Ah, I suspected that this was the dude who “microfractures” his own face before going out to clubs, by hitting his cheekbones with a tenderizing mallet. Turns out it was actually the dude who “microfractures” his own face before going out to clubs, by hitting his cheekbones with a tenderizing mallet.

These influencers must sit around and think “holy shit, I can actually get people to do literally anything.”