So, I do a lot of writing (mystery solved for people wondering how I can reply so fast and so much on Lemmy!) and decided to create a fun little community, Tales from the Cryptic Lemmy.
Mostly a showcase for “crappy” pulp writers like myself. I figured I’d leave the good writing for the better communities out there.
I’m hoping the new community will be all about celebrating and participating in crappy pulp horror writing, where people can just have fun with it and not worry about perfection. It’s all about embracing the weird, over-the-top, and messy, without taking ourselves too seriously.
My first story for this new community is The Man Who Hunted Sea Lions on Lemmy.
Inspired by the drama I stirred up in a politics community, where now everyone seems convinced I’m some Russian troll mining “Russian bitcoinz” and spreading propaganda on Lemmy. Why? Because I dared to support voting third party. And wow, some of them took it personally—parody accounts, stalking, and even posting stats on how much I comment. Hateful DMs, weird comments—the works. Oy!
Anyway, I learned a new term: “sealioning.” Never heard of it before Lemmy, but after asking what it meant (several times), I got banned from that community for three days… for sealioning! Still not sure how my posts fit that, but whatever—it gave me the idea for a fun little story in my new community. So, it worked out!
I’ll keep cranking out and posting stories there, and maybe—just maybe—others will join in on the madness!
And if not? No sweat. I’ll keep pumping out these craptacular tales, hurling them into the endless void of cyberspace, where they’ll float like ghosts in the dead ether, waiting for someone, somewhere, to stumble upon them. :)
Oh sweet!
/u/UniversalMonk
Oh. Never mind.
My first story for this new community is “The Man Who Hunted Sea Lions on Lemmy.”
My god, I thought for a second I was just being cynical, and this was this person branching out and trying to do something other than making everyone mad, and here I was criticizing it. Nope.
Thanks! And it’s pretty cool that my first ever upvotes are on that story. A few people seem to appreciate it!
Of course, we both know once folks in c/politics discover that I wrote it, it’ll get downvoted to oblivion, but hey, for now, I’m enjoying this little quiet moment of upvotes. Haha!
Did you actually read the story though? I think you’ll recognize some of the things said in it! lol
Can I use your name for the next story I’m writing? Not exactly inspired by you, but from others in that community who’ve had some stuff to say. It’s fun too!
I started it last night and am finishing it up today, but I need a name!
But I don’t want you to accuse me of being a troll. :)
Did you actually read the story though? I think you’ll recognize some of the things said in it! lol
What? No. Why would I do that?
Can I use your name for the next story I’m writing? Not exactly inspired by you, but from others in that community who’ve had some stuff to say. It’s fun too!
I started it last night and am finishing it up today, but I need a name!
What the fuck?
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You’re missing out, unless the concept isn’t your thing after all.
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Your contempt for an account you cannot be bothered to block is highly amusing.
Curiosity got the best of me, and I skimmed one of them. This is psychotic. Who in God’s name writes a publication-length short story about their “enemies” on Lemmy, investing this much gleeful energy into portraying them as these weird little gremlins who are out to get them but can’t quite manage it because they are losers?
I only looked at one of them. I am, completely for serious, a little bit afraid to open up the others to see if they are all the same length as the one I looked at.
I’m looking at this guy in a whole new light at this point. I don’t block him because every so often I like to drop into his comments and say something to move the conversation in the politics arena back towards what I think is productive politics arena things, but at this point I am concerned for him. I’m not joking.
Friend, they don’t have to explain anything to you. Mental illness is fun, after all. Thanks!
publication-length short story
Oh, if only you knew… hehe
😜
Friend, I think you’re misunderstanding the tone of the stories and the community. By “skimming,” you’re missing the point and the flavor. You’re free to do that, but your critique doesn’t really count since you didn’t read the entire thing.
It’s a writing community meant to be filled playful throwbacks to the campy, exaggerated horror writing from the 50s and 60s. Nothing in it is meant to be taken seriously.
Look at the description for the first story: “Get ready, boils and ghouls, for a twisted tale of identity, deception, and a change of taste you won’t believe… until it’s too late!”
It’s all about embracing that over-the-top style! Do you not see that?! Your reaction is actually really funny to me!
Your overly serious attitude is what I’m parodying in some of the stories. But meh, not everyone likes pulpy over-the-top bad horror writing. There’s a reason it’s called crap. So no worries.
But thanks for your “concern” about me. I can really feel the sincerity in your polite comments about me! lol
Up ahead, a sudden flash of yellow light flared, then vanished, like a door had been cracked open and slammed shut in an instant. The man froze, a wave of panic clawing at him. He could turn back now, leave this cursed place behind, head home where everything was safe and familiar. Back to his room in his mom’s house. Back to his A.I. girlfriend. Back to his keyboard.
No! He hadn’t come this far to turn in this tracks and run like a kid trapped in a cemetery at night. There was no turning back. That fucking troll, Universal Monk must pay for his treachery!
Let me guess: He was thwarted in his quest like a Scooby-Doo villain, and the cool Universal Monk showed him up, and everyone clapped.
I’m impolite to you because you are trolling. Why would I be friendly to that? You reacted to the community’s disapproval and requests for you to stop what you were doing by doubling down and adopting a gleeful serial-killer energy in all your interactions with them, while still posting 10-15 copies a day of more or less the exact same unwanted story. People aren’t being mean to you because they dislike you, they’re reacting to you being toxic and disrespectful directly to their face, and ignoring what they in all kinds of fashions have been telling you they would like the community to be.
I’m completely serious that I’m concerned about you. Excluding sleep and working, you’ve been averaging posting something on Lemmy every 9 minutes, every single hour of every single day for 2 months. You could have been accomplishing any number of projects with that, something you could be really proud of. Instead you’ve made it your mission to turn as many people as you possibly can, in this one weird little corner of the internet, into enemies for yourself. I don’t know what would make you do that.
Nobody here set out to be unfriendly to you on purpose, because of who you are, or anything like that. They’re reacting to what you are doing to them. Working hard to make everyone turn against you is going to turn people against you.
I’ve read it, there’s a very graphic sex scene between the filthy witch and the Dark Monk that just keeps going.
Let me guess: He was thwarted in his quest like a Scooby-Doo villain, and the cool Universal Monk showed him up, and everyone clapped.
Oh man, you didn’t even read it? I mean there’s recipe sharing, some singing, some laughs. I don’t wanna spoil it for you, but it does seem like a fun time had by all. Well, almost all. But you gotta admit, I do get accused of “main character syndrome” every day, so it really had to lead to a story sooner are later, right?
You reacted to the community’s disapproval and requests for you to stop
The mods allow me to keep posting there, so I’ll keep posting there. In fact, posting some stuff there this morning!
doubling down and adopting a gleeful serial-killer energy
You mean, being friendly. Meh, easy to get confused about the two, I guess. But I do like your wording. Hey, are you a pulp-writer too?! Friend, you gotta submit something to the Tales from the Cryptic Lemmy community! Come on, do it! I can see that I’ve inspired some passion in you!
I’m completely serious that I’m concerned about you.
See that? I knew we were on the verge of being friends. I can feel it now—a friendship bubbling up from the depths like a long-buried secret, just waiting to explode! You’ve been holding it back, afraid to let it out, but guess what? It’s happening! You can’t stop it now. Hooray!
Excluding sleep and working, you’ve been averaging posting something on Lemmy every 9 minutes, every single hour of every single day for 2 months.
Prolific, right? Ya know, I’ve always felt a connection to those million-word-a-year men; the old pulp writers. They cranked out stories and words nonstop, and now here I am, doing the same! Just as underappreciated in my time as they were in theirs, but hey, quantity over quality, right?! I sorta feel like I’m living my dream right now. And to see you so worked up and passionate about what I’m doing! Thank you for this shout-out!
You could have been accomplishing any number of projects with that, something you could be really proud of
But I am proud of my work on Lemmy. Thank you for your kind words. I’ve written two more stories that I’m posting today and I’m posting some more articles today, so be sure to update your stats about me. Thanks, friend! :)
Well, well, kind sir, you’ve just earned yourself a small, yet prominent role in my latest twisted tale! Thanks for the support, friend—you’re part of the nightmare now!
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Oh man, see? That’s the EXACT line my new story starts with. Ok, fine, just know that in my next story (that you won’t read), it’s about a guy with a very similar name to yours, but it’s not you. And since you won’t be reading it, I feel fairly confident that you aren’t going to be offended.
And you know what? I totally get it if you’re not feeling up to diving into the first story. I mean, it’s only about the ever-so-fascinating shimmering thread between reality and unreality, transracialism, fungus existentialism, drugs, truth, justice, and the American way.
Oh wait, hold on—crap! That’s my next story, not the first.
Dammit, see what happens when a whole team of Russians, collecting our precious Russian Bitcoinz, shares one account to spread propaganda and tear apart the very fabric of America through Lemmy and then tries to post?
Or wait, am I bot now? No, no, no. I think the last theory was that I was a 12-year-old doing this in between eating spaghetti and watching cartoons while at one of my divorced parent’s houses. Was it Mom’s house or Dads?
I can’t remember. Ugh. So complicated to keep this huge propaganda machine going!
Nice!
Thank you. It’s been a lot fun working on it!
