the example that spawned this post was “Just apply for jobs, it’s simple!” said to me by a friend (who is also non-NT and ought to know better)

Aside from the fact that online job applications are very much not simple anymore, what was hurtful to me was her dismissing the fact that I struggle with it (in my case I struggle to start the applications because I dread them, but fortunately I can finish them in a reasonable time frame once I start)

Someone observing me apply for a job would watch me go get my laptop, boot it up, open the bookmarks folder and click an application link I’ve saved, spend 10–30 min filling out a form (based on how complex the bullshit is that the company wants), review my entries for mistakes, and submit. And all of that looks simple, it’s just a person working on the computer right?

But the invisible struggle is all in my head. The several hours beforehand of “I really need to apply for jobs but also there are a million other fires in my life I need to put out first. Some of those fires are not that urgent but they’re in the same room as I am right now, and putting one of those out feels less guilt-inducing than continuing to sit here paralyzed by my ineptitude at prioritizing. Oh wait that fire over there actually is urgent fuck shit I forgot about that—” all of this accompanied by intense guilt and shame because I’m surrounded by people who also don’t visibly struggle with this, either because they’re neurotypical or like me their struggle is internal.

Hope this provides helpful insight. You’re a good father/husband for seeking out ways to better understand your family members’ challenges! :)