I’ve kinda always felt that way. I grew up in a rural American town and was bullied a bit and felt isolated socially because I didn’t feel much kinship with anyone outside my family and literally a couple friends. I’ve moved to bigger cities multiple times but I fear the damage is already done to me socially so I haven’t made many lasting friendships. In general I honestly have this weird feeling that I belong in Europe. America just sort of grates on my nerves in every way and it took me until my thirties to realize that’s what it was, after traveling to Europe.

I don’t know if there was any aspect of me being a curiosity, not being German or something, but I kinda ended up making some quick friends at a bar in Germany, something that would never happen to me in America. I have felt I could relate more to most every European I’ve met than most any American I’ve met. It’s really weird because for this to make sense I’d need to have been passed down genes which skipped generations randomly that make me more “European”. All I know is it’s always been a real feeling that I don’t belong in the US and that lessens when I travel to Europe. Everything about society makes me sense to me there and I don’t have this persistent feeling of being alien in my surroundings, even though I am. I can actually talk to people and feel like they really are interested in what I’m saying. I feel I can find good restaurants easier, everything seems more approachable, logical, and interesting. It’s hard to explain, I just have never felt at home in America and it’s been way worse since 2015 when people supported Donald fucking Trump for president. At the same time, I’m intimidated and overwhelmed by the thought of moving overseas and now that I have a partner it’s a lot more complicated to do so anyhow.