Two big reasons: Times have changed (somewhat and with caveats) and rape changes people.

For these high profile cases, these perpetrators are people who choose vulnerable victims and there’s typically a large power imbalance, along with various social aspects that make victims feel powerless (along with the shame and fear that come with pretty much any sexual violence). And often, the victims do “come out with it” to their friends and family, medical practitioners, and even police. But every rape is different, circumstances vary, and outcomes / decisions run the gamut. These folks eventually try to move on with their lives, put the past behind them. Then suddenly, their rapist shows up on TV and online all over the place. Their name comes up constantly. All those emotions and trauma come back up. And I don’t blame these victims for wanting to take another swing and make a big show of the fact that they were victimized by powerful people.

My situation, not rape but being taken advantage of, gave me a little taste of this. I don’t feel like sharing a lot of traumatic personal details and definitely don’t want to give anything away that could identify me personally. But it gives me a little bit of insight into situations that can occur.

As I said, I was taken advantage of by a well-connected and popular person decades ago. As this was happening, I did tell friends and family. They all gave me support and guidance, and I did my best to get out of the situation as fast as I could. Calling the police wasn’t really an option, and I was in a very vulnerable place in life, didn’t have money for a lawyer, and I was basically stuck. Not only that, the person taking advantage of me was very good at playing on my weaknesses, convincing me that by hurting him, I’d be hurting other people and that everybody believed he was a good person so they wouldn’t believe me anyway. That actually he wasn’t taking advantage of me, it was me taking advantage of him. You name the psychological weapon, he probably used it against me.

Eventually I did manage to break completely free of that situation. I was just so happy that it was over and done with, I really didn’t want to look back. I wanted it out of my life and behind me. As I said, it’s not like I had the money to sue and it wasn’t a situation where police would get involved. I moved on, just lucky that I managed to make it out alive and in a position where I could recover.

Time eventually faded a lot of the trauma and I probably hadn’t thought of my abuser for years. And then suddenly, I find out that they are running for office in my area. And worse, they are presenting themselves as the moral alternative, called upon by God, and a force for good. I see their signs all over and their name on a regular basis. I’m traumatized all over again. And the worst part is, about 90% of the time when I tell people what my abuser did to me, their response is “why didn’t you sue them?” or “why did you let them do that to you?”. As though I’m the one with the moral failing in this situation.

So, I know my situation isn’t exactly the same as a rape victim, but I get it.

And finally, this topic is not one where you’re going to have a gotcha moment with your mom. It’s far too complicated and nuanced for that.