so i know labels are overrated, some may say, and all that, but my sister thinks it’s interesting to find out. it may change as she’s a young teen, but she’s never had a crush, as she says. in fact, as well, she’s never had a sexual desire or libido, which my dad said is “abnormal as most teens are wanting to have sex”, even though it’s clearly ok to not want to and everyone is different.
i said she’s probably aroace but i’m not too sure (i myself am a lesbian romantically on the ace spectrum). today, she said if a guy were to flirt with her or be/do something generally what people who like men would consider attractive, she wouldn’t find it attractive, though she does find guy singers and actors hot. however, she saw a girl wearing attractive clothing recently and found her really pretty and attractive, though she wouldn’t date her.
she says she would be happy to date someone without doing romantic things and isn’t interested in kissing, but anything beyond a platonic life partner situation is a no for her. one of my partners (i’m poly) is a platonic partner (masc nb), and they felt the same way, no kissing but a platonic life partner situation is ok, and they’re aroace, so i told her it was very similar to them. again, she has never felt romantic or sexual attraction towards someone, and while she does appreciate their beauty, she doesn’t wanna date them or anything like that and is only ok with a platonic life partner situation without doing romantic things like kissing.
is aroace a good term? we’re trying to help her figure out her sexuality and you can’t say for sure, but there could be a good starting point.
That’s not abnormal for teen girls, though. A lot of girls need to meet the right person before they develop sexual interest, even into their 20s. Instead of speculating and looking at people, she should try talking to them, making plans, going out. Does not need to be romantic, just meeting different people and seeing what kind of people you get along well with. Although modern American society really doesn’t allow kids to do that until college now.
Hot take - the recent surge in aromantic and asexual people is more a result of increasing levels of anxiety in society, rather than being driven by inherent personality traits. While some people doubtless have greater or lesser innate sexual or romantic drives, the increase we are seeing, especially in young people, is due repression of sexual or romantic desires in their psyche due to social anxieties around being vulnerable and comminicative with others.
Hypothesis - take 100 asexual, aromantic teens and put them on a desert island where they don’t have much to do except fish, poke the fire, and lounge on the beach in swim suits. After a year, 90 of them will no longer be aroace.